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Elderly parents

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Original poster

Cockroach cafe 🪳 Summer 2023 🪳

984 replies

MereDintofPandiculation · 24/07/2023 20:27

Welcome! I’ve done a really good clean of the place overnight, and brought in sweet peas, and raspberries from the garden to go with the scones and clotted cream.

Come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or to ask a small question that doesn't warrant its own thread. Or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So 🪳 mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

OP posts:

Thread gallery

WhatHaveIFound · 18/10/2023 18:06

🌺 @seanbeanmarryme so sorry for your loss.

EmotionalBlackmail · 18/10/2023 12:42

@seanbeanmarryme sorry to hear of your loss. Take it easy and don't overdo things now!

MissMarplesNiece · 17/10/2023 10:36

@seanbeanmarryme so sorry to hear of your loss.

countrygirl99 · 17/10/2023 10:02

@seanbeanmarryme sorry to hear your news. Look after yourself.

seanbeanmarryme · 17/10/2023 09:39

Thank you to everyone for your kind words, very much appreciated.

DahliaMacNamara · 16/10/2023 23:03

Sorry to see your news, @seanbeanmarryme .

Original poster

MereDintofPandiculation · 16/10/2023 21:53

@seanbeanmarryme Commiserations. You will have complicated feelings.

@MotherOfCatBoy Thanks.

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thesandwich · 16/10/2023 21:15

@seanbeanmarryme I am so sorry for your loss. She is now at peace. Be really kind to yourself. 🌺🌺

PermanentTemporary · 16/10/2023 21:13

@seanbeanmarryme I'm sorry. You've had such a long period of strain. I hope you can look after yourself and that your DF is also able to think of her at peace.

EmmaEmerald · 16/10/2023 21:02

seanbeanmarryme · 16/10/2023 20:40

Got a phone very early this morning from the home to say that Mum had passed away in her sleep.
It's a relief that her ordeal is finally over.

sean big hugs to you

Blessings to your mum, now out of the woods, resting in peace.

venusandmars · 16/10/2023 21:00

@seanbeanmarryme so sorry to hear this, no matter how expected it might be it hurts and saddens. Be tender to yourself in the coming days.

funnelfan · 16/10/2023 20:55

seanbeanmarryme · 16/10/2023 20:40

Got a phone very early this morning from the home to say that Mum had passed away in her sleep.
It's a relief that her ordeal is finally over.

May her memory be a blessing. Now she’s at peace I hope you can find some too.

Mum5net · 16/10/2023 20:47

@seanbeanmarryme I’m so sorry for your loss. You’ve tried so hard to advocate for her and make things easier. Hope you get time to rest for a little while, you must be so exhausted.

TheShellBeach · 16/10/2023 20:46

@seanbeanmarryme I am terribly sorry to hear your sad news.
I think we all understand your feeling of relief that your mother's ordeal is over.

MotherOfCatBoy · 16/10/2023 20:45

@seanbeanmarryme
Sorry to hear that and I expect you have mixed emotions.

@MereDintofPandiculation just want to add my best wishes to you and Mr Dint.

i know I don’t contribute much here, but I do lurk a lot. Just add something now & then when I need to let off steam. My two are still sort of in stasis, bumbling on, and I keep waiting for the house of cards to fall.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 16/10/2023 20:42

Oh @Funnelfan - how frustrating.

@seanbeanmarryme I'm sorry for your loss.

seanbeanmarryme · 16/10/2023 20:40

Got a phone very early this morning from the home to say that Mum had passed away in her sleep.
It's a relief that her ordeal is finally over.

funnelfan · 16/10/2023 20:29

Sorry IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere. I know too well the staring into space at a question she can't or doesn't want to answer.

My mum has switched into winter mode, which is basically an even more confused version of her normal state. So far today I've had her unable to hold the phone properly (think it was upside down) and a shouted confused conversation thinking I was coming over to visit (I was there yesterday, I live 100 miles away), her turning off the heating at some point in the last 24 hours, and then going to the neighbours to complain it's not working and them ringing me. That was on top of me wrestling with her local authority over an unpaid care bill and arguing with the customer services person that they are the ones that refuse to send me the invoice even though I hold LPA and pay the bill on mum's behalf! So what do they expect to happen with a demented old lady that does random things with her post?

And breathe...

thesandwich · 16/10/2023 19:35

So sorry @IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 16/10/2023 18:58

We met with the hospice nurse today to discuss mum's wishes about future treatment. The meeting was less harrowing than I expected and much easier. I have had a draft of the document from the nurse and it really hit, reading it all in black and white - she lacks capacity to retain information for even a few minutes. E.g. "This is what we mean by 'X' - do you understand?" "Yes" "Can you tell me what it 'X' means?" She would either reply "Oh dear" or say nothing at all and just stare straight ahead.

Her lunch arrived just as we were leaving. I hadn't realised but she is now on a pureed diet because she struggles with lumps. She loves chocolates and sweets but now even the ability to enjoy those treats has gone. It's no way to live 🙁

Original poster

MereDintofPandiculation · 16/10/2023 18:26

TucSandwich · 16/10/2023 14:59

Thanks for the advice. Will contact council and undertakers for starters. We don't want to be left paying for 2 funerals if their money runs out (which is possible but not a given).

If their money runs out, they'll still be left with, I think someone said £14,000 each (the £23,000 is where the LA will start contributing, it's not an untouchable sum) which is more than the cost of a modest funeral.

If even the £14k is spent, you could go for a direct cremation or a direct burial, which is a lot cheaper, and arrange your own memorial gathering.

OP posts:

Original poster

MereDintofPandiculation · 16/10/2023 18:23

Thanks @venusandmars

OP posts:

Juneday · 16/10/2023 15:19

@Nodancingshoes I hope she gets a visit very soon not just a call - leaking wounds should be priority due to infection … We still have a walk in cottage hospital nearby if all else fails, staffed by nurses and doctors. Needless to say, it is often full!

TucSandwich · 16/10/2023 14:59

Thanks for the advice. Will contact council and undertakers for starters. We don't want to be left paying for 2 funerals if their money runs out (which is possible but not a given).

venusandmars · 16/10/2023 14:21

@MereDintofPandiculation late to catch up and read your news, that must have been difficult, but as you say none of us know what the future might hold and all the more reason to make the most of what we can now.

@EmmaEmerald having another break from visiting sounds like the best plan. It's not really very long since your breakdown and maybe you need a bit lionger to regain your fortitude - you need all your energy for yourself at the moment.

for @Juneday @Nodancingshoes and others facing particulalry difficult times.

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