Cockroach cafe 🪳 Summer 2023 🪳

Same with Santander. I think the issue for banks is being able to prove you are the person named on the LPA, hence having to turn up in person with your own ID.

Barclays made us go into the branch. Took over an hour. And couldn't get an appointment for 3 weeks

@countrygirl99 I thought you might say that 🙈

DH registered MILs at the beginning of this year and had to go to the branch.

Can anyone tell me if you can register an LPA with NatWest online?

I'm also guessing that they have been living outside the UK for at least 30 years if they left when you were 18 Dutiful. The country has changed a LOT in that time - even over the last few years the change is shocking. They may be making decisions based on assumptions from when they last lived here, eg availability of housing, costs including heating, ease of "getting someone in", ease of making a GP appointment etc.

@Dutiful I guess with supporting your son, you have recent real life experience of navigating the social care housing system. Would they be aware of the vast differences between warden care and a care home if they have been out the country? Housing Options Later in Life

I don't want to see them renting into very old age

@Dutiful if they do, this would be a consequence of their own actions and decisions. Please do think long and hard about what your boundaries are. I would suggest no more money for a start.

My son has done so well. Proud mum.
As for my DP they are resistant to a retirement home or anything which suggests that they can't cope. I know they'll struggle to afford something close to me and I don't want to see them renting into very old age. Any expectation of help/care would come from my father as he is old school. I guess just posting here and reading older posts is my way of thinking about what boundaries I need to set and to have them in place well ahead of time. I have thought about counselling and will see what I can find.

@Dutiful, well done to your lovely son, to you and his siblings on his achievement.
How frustrating, though, about DParents. Would they go straight to an assisted living style place where they could live simply within their means but safely? I guess you are deciding upon your boundaries right now and how and when you want to enforce?

@Dutiful you have done your duty- you deserve freedom. “Expected”- by whom and why?
read these threads to see the damage elderly care can cause. Set your boundaries. Consider counselling to help. manage their expectations.

I'm not sure what it is I want to say, a rant or just to express my annoyance.
I've been the principal carer (single mum) to my much loved eldest son, who at 30 has just moved into a group house with a couple of housemates. I finally have the freedom of not having to think of him from the moment I wake until I go to bed. My parents have moved country, moved house, travelled and lived well all their lives. As soon as I turned 18 they left for Africa and I have been independent every since. Their plan for aging was for each to look after the other but my DM is showing signs of mental decline and DF is not up to the task being very old school in his attitude about male/female roles. DM has always handled the finances but is spending more than they can afford. I have had to give them a few k just for them to get by. They are in the process of selling up and are about to move close to me. I'm worried that I will be expected to be the dutiful daughter just when I have a glimpse of my own life.

I did this and it was a large part of why I had a breakdown.

The irony is, a lot of what I did was to get it done without listening to her bang on endlessly about it.

Reducing contact is the best decision I could have made. I still think there's a risk she will get rid of her carers - she said "it's just an added expense for all the things you used to do". But I think she is clear now I won't be doing it again.

You should switch the phone off when you're out enjoying stuff. Now we finally got the bloody keybox fitted after years of me asking, if she presses her emergency button and I'm not available, it's a 999 call. I have my phone on silent at night now.

I let this ruin five years of my life. No more. What a sorry waste of time.

I don't look here much now but if anyone is thinking to step back, I can't recommend it enough. She knows now that another stroke or fall or whatever means carers, not me dropping everything. I will never get that five years back.

Glad you’ve got a way forward, hope the GP can help.

PermanentTemporary - mum was supported by an ESD team with access to a psychologist, but that's stopped now and the anxiety has ramped up over the last couple of weeks (since I stopped overnighting, come to think of it).
Anyway, we've had a chat and I said it's miserable for her to feel so anxious all the time and masking it is just adding stress, and it's not good for my dad to be trying to keep her calm (or me). She's agreed to see her GP without her smiley face.
I'll ring the surgery in the morning (after I've rung the oven repair man!)
Thanks everyone for the support.

@MereDintofPandiculation so sorry to hear you’re having more major stressful things to deal with. And covid too… you know you’ve got mates here to listen if we can help?

Sending good wishes @MereDintofPandiculation. It never rains but it pours.

Hope you’re taking care of yourself @MereDintofPandiculation.

MIL had a complete personality change after her stroke. Before she was very much a "don't make a fuss" type of person and quite chilled. Now she is really demanding and gets very angry if her orange squash is on the right and water on the left as she wants it the other way round. FIL gave up taking g her out for pub lunches as she started making a big fuss if her choice wasn't served even before the waiter had finished taking all the order.