Calling fellow cockroach cafe … um graduates? Going through probate- advice and support thread

Should also add that our fees were lower as I was the one contacting the banks/creditors and dealing with getting statements on day of death etc rather than paying the solicitor to do it.

Once it was submitted to the court it was really quick - less than a fortnight. That was in Dumfries and Galloway though, I am not sure if other courts take longer. But our estate was fairly simple in that there was no property and although it was classed as a "large estate" it was well under the limit for inheritance tax. The solicitor advised me to get individual confirmation forms for each institution, I think these were about £6 each. I had to send those off to RBS and whoever else to get them to release the funds.

I really can't remember how much the legal fees were, I think it was about a grand. There was some way it could be paid from the estate but as everything was going to mum as sole beneficiary I didn't see any benefit in doing that and just got her to write a cheque.

English probate seems to be more do-able by a lay person but slower. Scottish is quicker, but with legalese like "Executrix Nominate of the said deceased conform to Will of the said deceased dated 17th January 1997. In said Will the deceased is designed as "JOHN SMITH, residing at Six High Street, Edinburgh" and I am designed as "my daughter, MARY SMITH, residing at Ten Any Street, Edinburgh". Said Will is produced, docquetted and signed as relative hereto."

@GulesMeansRed You must be hugely relieved things have progressed. Must have been a huge amount of effort. It is such a hassle. Fully get your drift about needing to go through solicitor as virtually impossible otherwise. Also in Scotland. My DSis is executor but lives in England so had to nip across the border to engage a Scottish solicitor. Fortunately, only one visit for her so far.

My understanding is 'draft' confirmation should be ready next week. May I ask how long it took you to get to confirmation? Also, can I ask if the solicitor has suggested their fee yet? DM had virtually no cash, a few BT shares but has a tenant living in her home still. ( Rental income went towards care home fees and Council had charge over house.) Solicitor was engaged in May.

Meanwhile, MIL died in England in July and her probate forms are lodged and expected back in February. No house, but so much simpler.

We are emerging through the other side of the admin and confirmation process which is like Scottish probate.

Dealing with the court was a nightmare and we had to involve lawyers to submit the forms even though it was just cash assets like bank accounts involved and no property. The way they want the boxes worded is so technical legalese that there's no way you could do it without any legal training.

Once the form was submitted we did get confirmation back pretty quickly and the banks were quick to release the money, but it was paid to me as executor rather than mum as beneficiary, so it was a trip to the bank to explain why I was depositing three massive cheques and then transferring it out to another person with a different surname as soon as it cleared. (No, I'm not money laundering, or being scammed). Mum has totally checked out of the process of everything financial, she has no interest in anything and just delegates it all to me and sibling.

The last job to do is cash in dad's premium bonds, but that doesn't need to be done until a year after death so I have a few months yet. It's been a time-consuming and frustrating process and our situation has been straightforward and we're all singing from the same song sheet. Can't imagine the stress if there is conflict in the family, or where the money needs to be released quickly.

The

My Mum died last October. We did probate ourselves and it has just come through (submitted in April). Her idea of filing was to throw all paperwork into a kitchen cupboard - bank statements, ISAs, pizza menus, hospital appointments. I just kept finding more and more bank accounts. I went in person to deal with HSBC and Santander and Nat West and did all of the others on the phone. Nat West were most straightforward. HSBC and Santander I discovered were not the small amount of money in the current account/pass book, but also savings accounts with around £100,000 in each. (I went and had breakfast and a Bloody Mary in the Wolseley after discovering this.) I’m now in the process of sending the grant of probate to all of the banks. We’re actually living in her house at the moment, while ours is being renovated. While it was empty and I used to pop in to keep an eye on things it still felt like she was there. Now, not at all.

I was living in Central Europe until recently and took loads of her jumpers, fleeces, coats, tops and jeans to a women’s refuge close to me. They were genuinely delighted with the clothes. The rest of the stuff has gone to Anglo Doorstep Collections, which has been amazing, and we’re having furniture collected by the BHF tomorrow. Most of the soft furnishings don’t have the fire safety label, so they will have to go in the skip when we sell the house. There has just been so much stuff, and we haven’t even looked in the loft or garage yet. I’ve got a large pile of stuff not to throw out just yet, but which will probably go in slower time.

Thank you for asking@thesandwich . Things are moving along I guess. DM has her first visit from the hospice at home team today and they have advised us on pain relief. We talked about a peace document, so that will be the next thing to tackle. I have no idea what timescales to expect.

You may not even need to 'deliberately' delay a meeting with the bank - we found recently it was a 7 week wait for a face-to-face appointment anyway!

Thank you so much @Mum5net , that's really useful. I don't have access to her account at the moment (although I do have POA), but she would be willing to transfer some funds while she is able. She is incredibly pragmatic about this wretched situation.

@HotelNotPortofino sorry you are in this situation.
Firstly, sorry if what I’m about to say sounds a little bit brutal and possibly controversial.
Currently while DM is still alive, you may still have access to her bank account if she has previously given permission to help with online banking etc.
Things change when she passes.
As soon as she passes you cannot access her account. You must present yourself to the bank in your new role as her Executor and they check your status and paperwork. Normally this is done via a face to face appointment.

We waited six weeks or so before we got around to this for my DF. We didn’t rush to tell the bank because we knew all household bills were on direct debit and that his account was several thousand in credit.
Right now if you can access her account online, I’d check what she has on direct debits. If you are able - I’d prioritise a chat with your siblings and tell them you are doing this. Be very transparent and keep meticulous records. Then, if everyone is on the same page, and she has sufficient funds, I would have a discussion with them that you withdraw a small ‘float’ to cover the bills not on account while you are in state of flux.
Once she passes you have to register the death and get (many) copies of her death certificate. It’s perfectly normal to get 10 copies so there’s £100.
With a float you can easily cover off these expenses but keep receipts to keep yourself right.

Thank you for this thread, I fear I will be needing this in a few weeks. I'm not experienced or ready for this at all.

I will need to apply for probate, before selling Mum's house. What will happen to her normal monthly bills and direct debits? She currently has a normal current account just in her name. Will they stop, and will I have to pay these direct debits, as her executor?

Mine is obsessed with the £85k limit
thing and spent ages shifting money around to maximise interest and reduce the risk. And then going all martyrish about how much work this is!

It's going to be a total nightmare to sort out when the time comes although I am very tempted to hand it over to a solicitor and let them deal with it.

I submitted the notification of death using the 'tell us once' system, which they say didn't work for them. So I went through their bereavement team, emailed the death cert etc as requested. Weeks later they wrote to me asking me to post the cert, which I did. Then weeks later they wrote asking me to write back to them with something else, etc. I think their biggest problem is that they appear to operate old school systems.

After I sold mum's house to pay for the nursing home fees, I placed her money in different banks etc so that each pot was under the £85k liability ceiling. This proved to be a massive pain to sort after her death as I had to go though this with each. I get of course that they are trying to minimise risk, but it is a lot to deal with when bereaved.

Oh dear, what's the premium bond problem @notaflyingmonkey I'm aware I'll have to deal with potentially three lots of them at some point in the future!

It's nearly a year since DM died, and I'm hopefully at the last stage of sorting her finances. To be fair, it's only taken this long because I have dragged it out due to being uncomfortable about doing it.

NS&I (premium bonds) are going back and forth with me which is painful, but hopefully once this is done that will be it.

I had 'the dream' the other night where she was sat in her armchair I was trying to sort the stuff in the sideboard while she was getting upset. Doesn't take too much analysis to work out what my subconscious is doing!

Had a big fall out with some family over the will, which seems to be quite common at least amongst my friendship group.

Four months since handing over to solicitor we don't have any feedback other than I can no longer see my DM's bank details online, so assume the account is being discussed between Bank and solicitor.

I had teddy bears made out of items of Mum and Dad's clothes after they died, and also have a couple of cushions made out of one of Dad's jumpers.

Dad wore ties for work as part of his uniform, but the same ones over and over, and most of the ones I've kept I have memories and/or photos with him wearing them, especially the one he wore when he walked me down the aisle at my wedding. I've seen that some people incorporate them into memory quilts or other fabric items, so I've kept them with the intention of doing something with them. If I don't - well a dozen or so ties don't take up much room. They do span over 50 years, so a variety of fabrics and tie shapes and lengths, depending on the fashions of the time.

I've not got any problems getting rid of his clothes, but I've got half a dozen pairs of his old glasses that mum asked me to take to any opticians that still collect them for charity, and I can't bring myself to do that yet.

Ah yes, the M&S jumpers, Dad had many! I need to clear their spare room before I can reach the wardrobe as Mum uses it as a dumping ground. He also had a million ties - sporting ones that he used to collect. I can’t quite bear to chuck them but who wears ties these days?