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Elderly parents
Original poster

Is there an alternative ?

31 replies

LaBelleSauvage123 · 10/04/2023 07:24

My father is so unhappy in his care home. He has undiagnosed dementia and is often very confused, though he still knows family and remembers details about our lives. The things he hates and complains about most are:
Having to ask permission to do things
Having to wait to be able to do things
Being ignored or patronised

He told me yesterday that he feels as if he’s being treated like ‘a recalcitrant institutionalised baby’. And tbh, he’s right.

The main issue is that he can’t walk any more and needs two carers to help him stand and transfer to a wheelchair. He wears a pad, but still knows when he needs to go - I think if he was able to go as soon as he felt the urge, instead of having to wait for carers to be ready to take him, he’d be more continent than he is. He’s having weekly private physio and engaging very well with it.

The home is eye wateringly expensive - they’ve just put the fees up £300 pw! He is lucky enough to be able to self fund. His house is on the market and when it sells, he’ll have even more funds. So the money is there for an alternative - but is there one? Going home isn’t possible as his house isn’t accessible and nor is my sister’s. I have a disabled adult son who lives at home and having dad here too just wouldn’t work.

Does anyone have any ideas?

OP posts:
countrygirl99 · 10/04/2023 07:35

I think £300 was the increase not the weekly fee.
I'd look at other homes but it may be that he will hate everywhere.

AnonymousA1 · 10/04/2023 07:32

£300 a week is low. We pay £1200 a week and that’s one of the lowest prices here :( The thing is if he can’t walk to the toilet when he needs to go he will need to wait for carers or use pads.

Does he not have an alarm he can use to call the carers when he needs to go ? He shouldn’t be waiting that long to be taken to the toilet but I’m assuming he’s in a home with other people who need looking after too so he can’t just go soon as he needs to if their attending to someone else:
You could look at 1-2-1 care but that would be a lot more expensive.

Have you looked around other homes ?

He shouldn’t ever be patronised that is not ok.
Report it to the managers.

I feel for you it is an awful situation x

Mindymomo · 10/04/2023 07:32

The only other way is for him to live at home with a live in carer. My neighbour did this, she had her bed, commode etc downstairs. She didn’t have dementia, so could be left whilst the carer went shopping, but this worked well for a few years. It also worked out cheaper than going in a care home.

IsolatedWilderness · 10/04/2023 07:31

From your description and his heavy reliance on carers, there may not be a better solution. If he can afford to stay in his own home with full time paid carers, that might be an option. Otherwise, can you or another family member be his full time carer - maybe with some respite carers? Is that something you'd even want? It's hard to be a carer full time.

Whichnumbers · 10/04/2023 07:29

I’d look for another home and move him now - rather than later. It’s his money he’s amassed and why should his choice of where he lives be taken away.

friend of mine was looking in our area and her search was around 20moh Ed, the prices were all approximately £1300/1500. What surprised me was the big standard but lovely home was more expensive that the luxury place she viewed. You may find something more suitable elsewhere

DustyLee123 · 10/04/2023 07:27

Have you looked at any other homes ?