The Cockroach Cafe 🪳 Spring 2023

Mum got told at the end of the assessment that she had Alzheimer’s. There was nothing gentle about the way she was told and I found it quite shocking really. I guess there is no easy way to tell someone but Mum was already overwhelmed by the tests and didn’t really have a chance to take it in or ask questions before the doctor left. The only follow up has been visits from nurses to take her BP. I’ve had a few discussions with them about medication but I’ve never had the chance to talk to the doctor really.

I had thought they might repeat the tests at intervals to see if there is any deterioration but I guess that isn’t how it works.

When my DM89 was in a&e in January one of the doctors gave her the basic tests: where are you, what day, time year etc. Then she asked what monarch was on the throne and my mum who had got most of the rest wrong immediately said Charles! The dr then said they had to stop asking who the prime minister was because we had recently had so many changes even healthy people got it wrong 😅

This morning, my mum was diagnosed with vascular dementia. She's been told she has to stop driving pending an assessment and feels like her life is over. We need to figure out now what she can still do.

🤞🏼

Hope it's helpful, in some way, whatever it is.

Ours wasn't 3 hours either. 1 hour at the most and a phone call tomorrow which I expect to be short. I'm feeling quite anxious to find out what they say!

Thanks

@GordonBennett345 I went with my mum and they asked me if I supported what she was saying so I could explain a bit more about what's been going on.

DM had the initial test with a GP similar to what I described but then the memory clinic test included the questions I mentioned plus what @MereDintofPandiculation said (I remember she was amazing at naming the animals). It wasn’t 3 hours by any means though but because it was mid-pandemic the Doctor carried it out at home so perhaps it was made a bit shorter.

Thanks. Oh bless her, she'd find that really hard and exhausting. 3 hours!! My dad was diagnosed over the phone during the pandemic. Don't think either of the 2 phone calls was very long at all. Interesting.

My 2 siblings go once a week for 20 minutes
Brother usually does go
Sister doesnt turn up often
🤷‍♀️
They both live about a 5 minute walk away
Sister turns up when she wants money though

MIL has been in a care home about an hour away since last June. DH, his aunt and BIL2 all go most weeks. BIL1 has been to see her once. His adult DC who live 10-15 minutes away haven't been at all. My DS2 who doesn't live in the UK has been 4 times. BIL1 picks holes in anything DH and BIL2 do for MIL.

Checking in. My mum is nearly 90 and lives 90 miles from me. I go every week for a day. Found out today my horrible sister last went before Christmas and she lives closer

Really sad , tell him how much you miss him ,i have a brother and it breaks my heart to think about falling out with him.

Myum had her first memory test over the phone with no one else present. We were unconvinced to say the least when she passed with flying colours. Convinced the GP to repeat with DB there. The first thing was giving her a phrase to remember which she wrote down. They asked her the time of day and she looked at ghe clock, time if year she looked at her paper. He took the props away and it she couldn't remember being given a phrase or even what year it was. Which showed she had good coping mechanisms but her memory was awful.

DMs memory clinic appointment was more of a sort of IQ test than about what she could do.
They gave her an address to remember then asked her about dates, das of the week, prime ministers, she had to complete some drawings, perform calculations, lots of things like that. She also had a brain scan.

The more I think about it, I’m not sure it was an ideal way to diagnose her because I firmly believe she’s very dyslexic and dyspraxic. ( I have two dyslexic and dyspraxic DC).

We're awaiting a memory clinic appt for mum. She's very plausible and says she does all these things she hasn't done for months. Will they see through this? Also she hasn't showered or washed her hair for weeks. But insists she has. Any ideas? Am a lot newer to this than most on here. Respect and sympathy to you all.

<places cushions on the Bad Daughter bench>

Thanks to @MereDintofPandiculation .
Since my DF died a year ago, I'm finding that the challenge of dealing with DM is just that, challenging!
She is apparently in good health. She doesn't want or objectively require my support but, in reality, it's one thing after another!
I have 2 DBs but 1 is abroad and the other can't deal with DM so is very minimal contact, hence I'm the brunt of most of it.
I'm becoming a permanent feature on the Bad Daughters bench these days. I appreciate your expertise, advice and support. It's great to be part of Team Cockroach 🪳

Checking in! My mum has her 2nd memory clinic appointment on Sunday so waiting with apprehension for news. She was meant to be with me for a telephone interview but she decided she wanted to go home. She says she doesn't care if it's bad news so hope she's right on that one!

just checking in still at the beginning of sorting everything out after mums death 2 weeks ago what a minefield havent even started on sorting house to put on market yet!!

Hello - am in revolving door hell currently. My mum is nearly 89, quite frail, living at home alone with 3x carers/day. She was last in hospital end of Jan, but we also had a&e visit early Feb (swollen, ulcerated legs). She fell yesterday and is in again. I don't live in the UK, am an only child, no close friends or relatives to help. I do online food shopping, online laundry, all the bills and finances, visit every 2-3 weeks and clean and do outstanding jobs (I work full time and have two children). Currently she can't hear (ears need syringing so I arranged this at home - she wouldn't give consent/didn't understand what he was asking). Obviously no one can do anything - memory nurse went home etc etc. Last time I was there at the weekend she seemed much worse to me - struggling to recall words, very confused, up at all hours of the morning calling out to me etc. I want to move her to live-in 24 hour care (her physical needs are very manageable) as she cannot hear when food is delivered, or talk to me on the phone. But this can't happen unless someone determines she lacks capacity, which they can't do because she can't hear. And round and round we go....

Thanks @MereDintofPandiculation for the new thread.

I feel a bit of a fraud in here as DF is not nearly as bad as some DP/DPIL. He will be 88 next week and is in pretty robust health, but his alcohol intake is alarming. His short-term memory is poor but he has always been in the habit of keeping a detailed diary, so that does help.

Like others here, my sister is a complete PITA. She lives abroad and thinks that by calling DF every evening, she is a loving and dutiful DD. She has criticised almost everything I have done since DF came to stay in October. Never mind that his current account paid no interest and there was a big balance in there - with his encouragement, I have now set up an account where he is getting a decent rate of interest and he is already £200 better off. She has gone mad at me for getting an estate planner in. DF wanted to change his will. The planner urged us to review DF's LPA because when sister organised it in 2019 (without consulting me), she didn't include any replacement attorneys. We are now going through the whole re-application with a revocation process which I am having to oversee, simply because she's not as smart as she thinks she is. Yet she and my wooden-spoon-bearing BiL think that I'm trying to fleece DF. And on it goes. Cockroach to all.