The Cockroach Cafe 🪳 Spring 2023

@Lightuptheroom It can only go in one direction. V soon it will be bad enough. DM told a SW, DF was having sex with teenage boys in a mini parked across the street; she called the Police because she was scared to go downstairs and was thirsty; they were both found wandering on the hard shoulder of the motorway but walking in opposite directions; I could go on. They were both gentle, kind and incredibly polite but every week their social worker had more tales of what they had done .. bogus conmen extorting cash for washing driveway, DF lying in garden for 5 hrs and DM thinking he'd disappeared... I'd start by getting the car off them with indecent haste. We had to do that after the motorway debacle... DF licence was suspended until he resat but he fought DVLA for a year when he failed... it's so v sad.

@Mum5net yep,we've got goodness how many people reporting things but we seem to be stuck in a loop where she doesn't do anything quite 'bad' enough if you see what I mean? Last week she told one GP that he's an fing c and he kills people....his answer was to get a different GP who she likes to ring her!

@Lightuptheroom When things started to deteriorate for my parents they were reported increasingly by other members of the public to the Police and the SW team. This truly escalated the amount of help we got and made them absolute legends in their local social work office.

Firstly, sorry to hear @thesandwich
I could really do with some advice
Mum 81 Dad 86
Dad multiple physical disabilities and medical input from community teams
Mum 81 obvious cognitive decline, massive changes in behaviour, language, attitude, just about everything really and keeps declining further.
Social care assessment resulted in 2 care visits a day, dad assessed as not needing a care package at all.
Re assessment last week due to 2 X safeguarding alerts from community medical teams about mum's presentation/language/way she talks to my dad.
No new needs identified, mum says she's happy with how things are.
GP says mum won't consent to any kind of assessment therefore the obvious decline isn't their problem and she remains undiagnosed.
I contacted the community mental health team to ask advise and got a phone call from the duty social worker asking me to identify what risks I thought there were...
They are shocked she's still driving, how does she remember where she is etc (funny enough I don't know because I'm not a Dr!!)
Do we have to wait for a massive crisis before someone tells us what they can do rather than what they can't?

Sending warmest thoughts thesandwich. As you know I have been through this recently so if there is anything I can do to help, please say. Above all, look after yourself.

Sorry for your loss @thesandwich

thesandwich Big hugs to you, (and thank you for remembering me as I post so rarely now).

@thesandwich I'm glad that you managed to get there at the end because you will have enough emotions on your bingo card without adding "regret" to the list. Take care of yourself especially if you are wearing the administrator/executor hat and dealing with all the sadmin.

Condolences @thesandwich , I hope there is some consolation in the peaceful end.

Sorry for your loss @thesandwich .

Thank you all for your thoughts- very much appreciated.
and @MereDintofPandiculation you’ve brought a tear to my eye! Thank you- I love your insights and wisdom( and humour)
and folks, I’m not going anywhere. Still a lot to go through and value all your wisdom and support and advice navigating the next phase. 🌺🌺

@thesandwich so sorry to hear about your mum. Look after yourself especially at this time.

Really sorry for your loss @thesandwich . Glad it was peaceful x

Sorry for your loss @thesandwich

So sorry about your mum, @thesandwich
MIL must be secretly reading MN posts, because when we went in tonight she complained that her room was 'too tidy'. Words she has never uttered in her life before, but proof, if it were needed, that nothing makes her happy.

Funnily enough, Welsh poppies are a theme here as well. DF was Welsh, and after he passed away DM planted them in his memory. I was just looking at my back garden and thinking they are getting out of control now, sorry and all that dad!

Sorry for your loss @thesandwich. Even at that age, and even when it is not unexpected, it is still hard to go through. I'm still processing it all seven months on.

I hope that your health has continued to improve x

@thesandwich so sorry about your DM. Take care of yourself.

Short answer is no.
Mum and I aren't close. She's got some cognitive decline now too.
Her constant negativity and total lack of any kind of life (her choice) means no one visits her really except me (she's lucky if my siblings visit for 20 mins once a week...) is so very draining.
Got a holiday booked for this summer. First since 2019.
CANNOT WAIT
sorry for your loss @thesandwich

Sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss @thesandwich

Hello from a veteran of this thread and the many before it.
My dm slipped away on Wednesday evening after a very brief spell in hospital- she’d been weakening since Christmas.
We were away- cut short our holiday to drive back to see her. Reached the hospital just as the lovely nurse called to say mum was failing. She slipped away an hour later very peacefully.
So- she made it to very late nineties still living at home with lots of care and my support, as all of us know, not always easy.
Feeling all sorts of emotions.
Thank you to all friends old and new on here. This place has been such a source of support.
@MereDintofPandiculation @Badger1970 @EmmaEmerald @IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere @Knotaknitter @Malbecfan @Words @countrygirl99 @notaflyingmonkey and anyone else I’ve forgotten.

My mum obsessed about the garden too. Then complains about anyone who comes in to do any big garden jobs because they only did what they were asked to do and not any random stuff that mum decides afterwards that they should have done as well.

Yep, in my mum's case it's any gardener wrecks the garden
With dad, their car port is damaged and needs either taking down or replacing.. obsesses about it day and night but won't pay anyone to do the work, then my mum decides only she can decide whether it gets done or not!!