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Elderly parents
Original poster

What should I charge

41 replies

Lotsofthingstoconsider · 01/03/2023 20:08

My dad is going to die in the next week..

My mum is 81 and before admission to hospital was v forgetful.. since being in hospital for 5 months appears b demented but am assured by hospital this is due to drugs and infection.. she should recover some cognitive coherence...

She will not be able to live alone.
I absolutely do not want her in a care home . That is my hard line.

I have 3 siblings (one is step but after 40 years that is irrelevant- she is my sister ) close family . Never any problems..

I have a bungalow (rented) I pay £1K a month rent .

I want mum to live with me so I can care for her. I am due to retire this year. My pension will be £7k.. but part time retirement so I will still earn £1200 a month ...

Mum in a care home will cost her £5k-6 A MONTH...

She inherited from dad as mirror wills and their house is worth £700k

We can buy my home for £425k... leaving enough for respite and daily care.. (she has a catheter ) probably once per day. My stepsister will step in twice a week (including overnight) otherwise it's all me.

I will be saving her estate a lot of money which will benefit the others .. they have asked how much they should pay me.

Mums income is £1450

I have no idea how to answer their question as I would want to do this even if there was no money . I do NOT want my mum in a care home...

An anyone advise .. I want a fair 'or even below fair' wage.. but I want something.. as I am saving them a fortune..

OP posts:
AlwaysLatte · 01/03/2023 20:58

I would get legal advice, especially with making sure you don't do anything wrong unwittingly with the LPOA. If things change and she MUST have professional care then the house she has just bought may need to be sold to pay for it. Personally I would move in with her instead and keep things separate. But do get proper advice!

Floralnomad · 01/03/2023 20:51

I think you should look after her in her existing home until you see how it goes . It’s all very well saying no to a care home but I’m a trained nurse and we had my mum at home being nursed by myself and my sisters and it’s really hard . I also think it is very murky having your mum buy your existing house .

PermanentTemporary · 01/03/2023 20:47

I think you're a good daughter.

My first thought would be that your mother would do better and recover faster in her own home. Is there an option for you to give up your tenancy and move in with her instead?

How much care will she need? Is it realistic for you to work as well? You should be able to claim Attendance Allowance and perhaps other benefits. Can you simply become a full time carer? Get a quote for what that would cost and make that your starting point. Or alternatively do you want to be 'paid' in a greater share of the house?

I do think her buying your house is much more complicated. What is in your mother's will? Is her estate split between the four of you as siblings? What would happen when she dies?

I think you need legal advice and probably your siblings do too.

Yoyooo · 01/03/2023 20:46

What will happen to the house, your home, when she dies?

MichelleScarn · 01/03/2023 20:44

What happens when you are ill, need doctors or a holiday? Who will cover and how will this be funded?

trockodile · 01/03/2023 20:41

I looked after my mum for 4 years-I got carers allowance-about £70/week(but I think you will earn too much for that). However if you are living with her rent free, and she pays all the bills/food etc so you have no living expenses that seems reasonable?

Ilovetocrochet · 01/03/2023 20:40

We paid my sister half the going rate for a carer for her to look after mum for 20 hours a week, at the time it worked out that we gave her £12.50 an hour our of mums money. There is a reference to the benefits of family carers on the Office of Public Guardians website.

You need to consider where you will live after your mum dies if she buys your current house. The house will then pass to all her inheritors so you might not have anywhere to live as you won’t have full ownership.

percypercypercy · 01/03/2023 20:36

We can buy my home for £425k...

We?

CharlotteStreetW1 · 01/03/2023 20:36

Lotsofthingstoconsider · 01/03/2023 20:32

But by buying .. the estate relieves me of £1k rent

Well I think that answers your question?

DahliaMacNamara · 01/03/2023 20:34

So your mother buys your home...and what happens to that when she dies?

I think the house purchase muddies the waters somewhat.

FallonofDynasty · 01/03/2023 20:33

I don't think you can pay yourself a wage from your mum's money. I would think it goes against LPA rules.

Original poster
Lotsofthingstoconsider · 01/03/2023 20:32

But by buying .. the estate relieves me of £1k rent

OP posts:
Original poster
Lotsofthingstoconsider · 01/03/2023 20:31

It's not my money to buy with .. belongs to my mother

OP posts:
Original poster
Lotsofthingstoconsider · 01/03/2023 20:31

No the house will be bought in my mothers name with sibling and I as POA

OP posts:
mrsfennel · 01/03/2023 20:16

Is your house you are in now being bought for 425k and in your sole name? Or is that one of the options?

If your house is being bought for you then maybe thats enough?

I really don't know though, can you apply for carers allowance? Will you be able to manage to work part time?

PleasantZen · 01/03/2023 20:16

How about the equivalent of a 60 hour per week on minimum wage?