Siblings want to put mum in a home

286 replies

Florencenightingalewasfab · 01/02/2023 23:01

( I'll split this into two posts as it's quite long)Mum ( now in late 70's) sold her home and gave all the money to my sister for a 2 bed 'granny flat' ( to be built on the side of my sister's home. Sister took her money and built mum a ONE bedroom extension and also managed to gain a new bedroom into the bargain. So mum didn't get what she wanted and no one could come to stay in "her" flat, Sis used the 'extra' bedroom in her house - sorry - I digress. Mum dud this on the understanding that she wouldn't have to go into a ( old people's home ). Mum also gave full access to BIL and sis to her bank account

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ditalini · 01/02/2023 23:19

If your mum has capacity then she can't be put into a home against her will, however an alarm and a care package sounds reasonable on the face of it - why is your mum against the alarm?

What sort of paperwork exists for this transfer of funds for a granny flat? If she goes into a home now then the council may claim deliberate deprivation of assets.

Original poster

Florencenightingalewasfab · 01/02/2023 23:19

DeskChair · 01/02/2023 23:12

Maybe talk to your mum and say if she accepts the carers she’s can stay in her home? The one bed flat didn’t just appear as a surprise one day there would have been plans and builders etc. Maybe she wants to go into a home?

I'm over 90 miles away so not easy to talk to her plus usually either Bil or sis is there.
Mum doesn't want to go in a home
I didn't see the plans so ive no idea.
I wonder if I rang the hospital, whether they would let me speak to mum. Thing is I don't want to stress her out too much- she's already had chest pains and in a nebuliser

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FlamingoCroquet · 01/02/2023 23:19

Your siblings can't 'put' her in a home. It's your mum's decision whether to move or not, unless she lacks mental capacity and your sister has power of attorney.

saraclara · 01/02/2023 23:19

To be fair, if your mum refuses the breathing assistance she needs and refuses to wear an alarm, I'd be worried about looking after her, too. It's a big responsibility if her health is that poor, and sis can't be sure that she'd know of her mum fell, or couldn't breathe.

Toddlerteaplease · 01/02/2023 23:16

It does sound really unfair on the face of it. But did your sister under estimate the stain of caring for your mum? Or has seen that it's going to get more difficult in the future, and feels she can't do it.

saraclara · 01/02/2023 23:16

Of course this could be counted as deprivation of assets. In which case sis will have to pay some of that back.

afinishedkiss · 01/02/2023 23:14

Your sister is one sly dog.

Hellocatshome · 01/02/2023 23:14

What does your mum think?

DeskChair · 01/02/2023 23:12

GoldilockMom · 01/02/2023 23:11

You need some legal advice for your mum!
Your sister has done her a huge disservice.

Original poster

Florencenightingalewasfab · 01/02/2023 23:09

Part two. Mum has been in hospital recently for short stays and sis now wants to put her in a home as she says mum at risk of falling and she can't be at home all day everyday. Mum is mentally fully functioning although speech not so great now. Drs have advised mum needs nebuliser at home and for safety, to wear an alarm round her neck. Mum has refused. Sis says she has offered to get carers to help but mum says no. Other 2 siblings now agree she should go into a home. I think it's unfair that sis and bil have taken all mums money - gained a ( now) 5 bedroom house Inc an granny flat- which, when they sell, they will make a huge profit from) whilst mum is put in a home. I did ask how mums care fees would be funded and was informed that the state would pay as she has no house to sell!! Opinions?.

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