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Elderly parents
Original poster

Hand hold please.

31 replies

MyMumhasDementia · 01/02/2023 22:48

My mum is really poorly. She has been seen by a doctor today at the care home. Her says we’re 82 and he thinks she’s aspirated vomit into her lungs.
Shes 90 and very frail.
She also has a uti.
The Dr gave is the choice of sending her to hospital for O2 or leaving her in the care home on Palliative care.
My brother and I chose the latter. The care home staff are so amazing and supportive but I can’t help but feel we’ve let her down.

She’s very ill and I want her to be peaceful and pain free. Is that wrong? X

OP posts:
IWillBeWaxingAnOwl · 01/02/2023 23:02

If the doctor thought sending her in was the right choice and likely to have a good outcome, they would have made that decision not left it up to you. It sounds like palliative care is the right choice for your mum ❤️

Mammma91 · 01/02/2023 23:02

So sorry. What a difficult situation to be in. I’m sure the care home will keep your mum comfortable and care for her right up to the very end. A trip to the hospital and being somewhere unfamiliar could’ve been uncomfortable for her. You shouldn’t feel guilty you’ve done the best for her x

StopFeckingFaffing · 01/02/2023 23:02

Absolutely not wrong OP

Your decision is rooted in love and thinking about what is best for your Mum

Cherrysherbet · 01/02/2023 22:59

Oh no it not the wrong choice at all in my opinion. My Mum is in a nursing home, and I would make the same decision. Hospital is not the ideal place for an elderly person.

I would want my Mum to be surrounded by familiar people and in her usual environment.

Please don’t feel you’ve let her down. You really haven’t 💐

chronictonic · 01/02/2023 22:59

This is so hard. Both my DH and I have been in similar positions/experiences very recently with our parents...
You mustn't feel guilty. You and your brother know her better than anyone and your gut told you what is best for her. Hospital and 02 could be very distressing for a frail & unwell 90 year old.

Oasis1975 · 01/02/2023 22:52

So sorry you and your mum is going through this - you have not let her down as you are doing what you believe is right for her, at this time in her life.
Go easy on yourself and your brother.

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