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Elderly parents
Original poster

drinking and falling

29 replies

toofishy · 12/01/2023 10:27

my mum is 87 lives alone and on the whole is fairly independent .
Between my bother and i we see her at least once a week each plus always cover weekends.
For both of us it's a 2 hour ish trip there and back each time.
She refuses to stay with either of us for an evening.
She has always liked a drink but is now beginning to get drunk at night and fall over.
the alarm people call us and we go over to find her incontnient confused etc.
The next day she has no recollection of this and becomes very angry .
I now dread going to bed as i am awaiting the call.
Has anyone else had this? Any ideas for how to get through this until she inevitably has an injury requiring hospital ?

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 12/01/2023 12:49

Tell her you won’t rush to her side next time. And mean it, if only just the once. She’s being selfish.

Original poster
toofishy · 12/01/2023 12:47

yes I did have a conversation with her yesterday but she is adamant that she is not drinking or causing us any problems
we have both tried to persuade her to live nearer but she probably relies on her neighbours who are a motley bunch to get the vodka for her.
yes i'll sit with mybrother make some criteria and than tell her our decision.
it's just so wearing

OP posts:
PritiPatelsMaker · 12/01/2023 12:41

I agree with Knok. You're going to have to decide whether you're there fir all falls it just certain hours.

Has your DM given you POA and has she had a recent Social Care Needs Assessment?

Knotaknitter · 12/01/2023 12:07

If it's a council alarm service they will have a team that will turn out, it might be a five hour wait but it could be that for the ambulance service. My mother's alarm service let me specify hours where I was available. Your mother has a choice to drink excessively or not, you have a choice whether to turn out or not. You have to decide what your limits are and then stick to it - if that means no call out after 11pm then put your phone on silent at that time.

But what will happen if....? The alarm service will send their own team out or call an ambulance. There are many people with no close family to call out and there is a service for them. I would say that if you live an hour away you don't count as "close" anyway.