drinking and falling

Sorry if this is thick but how will a needs assessment be useful in a situation like this?

They might decide that she needs a carer at bedtime to check she's ok and out her to bed. Obviously she'd have ti consent.

We were in the exact same situation and when we finally found out who was providing the alcohol (they generously kept the change!) she went mad at us but we said we’d buy the wine she wanted and we bought alcohol free wine, she didn’t realise.

You rang, m'lord....
Now oddly enough, my mum is now in a care home after one too many falls, and it is absolutely the best thing that ever happened. That's why I'd gone quiet!

My mum was on a bottle of vodka (or whisky) a day. I guess one of the things you need to think about OP is why your mum is drinking to excess - my late dad used to drink a LOT because he was in a lot of pain (age related wear and tear) and he just couldn't get to sleep of a night. If it's self-medicating, or out of boredom, rather than addiction, that's kind of fixable.

In mum's case it was addiction and the only thing that was able to stop it, is being physically unable/not allowed to buy alcohol.

I'm sorry that's not really very optimistic but for me I'd be putting a care package and protection in place for ME first. Your mum is making a choice to drink riskily (is that even a word?) and she is entitled to do that if she wants to, as long as she's fully aware of the possible consequences. You're also entitled to say that you're not willing to put yourself through late-night phone calls and anxiety and distress in order to enable her drinking, and that you won't be her emergency callout any more because your own wellbeing and that of your family, won't stand it. But you've got to allow yourself to say "that's enough now, no more".

I’d be harsh and take videos/pictures of her in that state to show her for your discussion. Say if she denies it when her fall alarm goes off then you’ll leave her there on the floor drunk and in pain/a mess. She can choose to move nearer where you are willing to provide care but you can’t go up every evening. Also she needs to protect her finances from her drinking patentera and she’ll soon be giving them her card(if not already) to go and buy drink. Suggest a ring doorbell you can access?

This is my dad , luckily my mum and niece live with him but a few times he hasn't been able to get up and we ve had to go .

He has also broken his teeth and at one point fell over the banister and had a spiral fracture from hip to ankle .

Unfortunately if you feel you can't do it anymore, you will have to let them literally fall down and reach rock bottom

@MrsRussell is the Elderly Parent Board's long suffering expert on dealing with such matters. I hope she doesn't mind me linking her but her experience is off the scale compared to some of us...

Sorry to say this, but with experience I can say that you need to let her fail so that SS step in and force help on her.

Horrible situation OP. Are you 100% sure that she’s falling due to booze? Reason I ask is that my mother (much younger) had a drink problem and collapsed several times. We assumed she’d been drinking but she swore not. Turned out she had a brain tumour.

Hungry what is it you are thinking OP can do with the PofA?

OP I hope it goes well this weekend.

You need to find out who visits her. Very often, older people who are vulnerable in some way (and if your mum drinks then she has a vulnerability) and can be taken advantage of. I know of cases where drinking 'friends' managed to get access to a bank account, and used the older person's money to fund their booze and plenty else.

OP doesn't need POA to remove her name as a contact for community alarm. POA (if in place) won't be active if Mum still has capacity (and it sounds like she has)

If op has power of attorney she can

Oh I see
but if she wants to live alone they can't do anything can they?

the person I'm thinking of is living with her husband anyway but he just thinks it's funny
(he didn't get called from work to go to A&E because he can't have his phone on him)

OP interesting that you found evidence someone else was there. I think you need to be factual and unemotional and ask your mum to provide another number to the careline.

It’s possible she would fall anyway. My father fell regularly. He’s teetotal and always has been. So be prepared for the possibility that she will continue to fall even if you get the alcohol under control

Definitely speak to neighbours and ask them not to get alcohol for her . Also ask them for their contact numbers so you can call them if she has fallen because of her access to booze !
They need to take some responsibility.

And my grandad was just having a sherry after lunch and at 6pm.
It doesn't take much for them to fall. But he also had aphasia and was just kind of slowly declining.

To a pp question why get her assessed?
Because she may not be able to live alone if she is at risk to injury

This was happening with my grandad recently and actually has just died today.

When he kept having a sherry and falling he ended up with some really nasty head gashes.
My mum had assessments and carers were coming in twice a day, my gran suffers from arthritis and is very sore a lot so she just couldn't look after him and after about 4 months of the carers coming in my grandad kept having falls still and he secured a place at a care home.
Then he just gradually faded away.

I think you're going to have to have her assessed

Sorry if this is thick but how will a needs assessment be useful in a situation like this?
I ask because I know someone who has issues with her mum - early 70s and otherwise fine - but falling over from drinking and has had two injuries that needed A&E.

I'd speak to the neighbours that are buying the alcohol for her and ask them if they realise that she's having falls and if they will go and help her each time! Maybe they don't realise the situation?

It all sounds very stressful for you and I'm really sorry I don't really have many suggestions for you, as it sounds like she has capacity to make the decision to drink if she wants to.

I would just point out that while you absolutely can state you aren't available after a certain time and to call an ambulance to assist her up, it's important you're aware that falls like this are categorised as low priority and it is likely, depending on your area, that your mum will be lying on the floor all night if ambulance demand is high (which it constantly is across the country atm sadly). This can lead to further complications such as rhabdomyolosis caused by lying in one position for a long time which can be life threatening, as well as pressure sores etc. I completely appreciate how stressful and draining it must be for you to be constantly dealing with these alarm calls - some areas do have a designated falls team who are separate to the ambulance service and manage to attend patients in a much quicker time frame. I would see if these teams operate in your mums area as this could be a viable and safer alternative.

The only other thing I can think to suggest is to speak to her GP - they may be able to broach the subject of her drinking with her and come up with some solutions. They will also have a much better understanding of what support services are available in your area and have suggestions of what you can do.

It's a really difficult situation and it sounds like you've been doing a lot for her already. I wish you the best of luck getting the situation resolved! x

Does her GO know about the drinking? I know that's unlikely if she's denying it to you, but it might be worth sending them an email saying that you don't want any information from them, you just want to make them aware that she's having regular falls due to alcohol consumption and you feel that she needs a Social Care Needs Assessment.

Yes, you'll have to tell her that

I don't know of any services that have their own team - I know it exists in some areas, so perhaps look into that.

otherwise, if they can't get you, they might send an ambulance, which is a shame if she's unhurt and just a PFO which can wait till a more civilised hour. Really it's not fair to call anyone in that situation though.

does she have any conditions that cause her to genuinely forget, or not realise what she is doing?