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Elderly parents
Original poster

Older people rebel to keep sense of control, research finds

114 replies

MereDintofPandiculation · 21/12/2022 19:59

www.theguardian.com/society/2022/dec/21/older-people-rebel-to-keep-sense-of-control-study-finds

so next time your elder is being awkward, remember it’s good for them Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 22/12/2022 09:51

Mrsjayy · 22/12/2022 09:23

I think it was 28 95 year old! So basically the "research " was just a chat with Pauline from Newcastle

That’s the usual problem. You can have a large sample without a lot of detail, or a small sample with a lot more detail. So in practice you try to have both.

i was pleased to see the suggestion to change the balance between perfect physical safety and autonomy. I saw a suggestion the other day that younger cancer patients were more likely to want extra years at any cost, whereas older ones were more likely to accept a shorter life in exchange for better quality. A lot of the talk around older people is about “keeping them safe” at the expense of quality of life.

OP posts:
Badger1970 · 22/12/2022 09:45

I have to say it gets easier when they actually accept that you're doing/saying things because you're worrrying about them.

It's taken near death for my Dad to accept that he will do whatever I think is best..... he's given me more grey hair in the last 6 months than my DC have managed in 30 years Xmas Hmm

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 22/12/2022 09:44

IToldYouAmillionTimesAlready · 22/12/2022 09:22

The study was about people born in 1921! There can't be too many of them about who are fit and able to rebel, surely?

It was a study of 95 year-olds. I presume the data was collected in 2016 and it’s taken them that long to collate, analyse, write up and publish.

The study was looking at what helped them live active and happy lives to a great age. There’s over 600,000 people of 90 and over, and the number is steadily increasing.

OP posts:
Gloriousgardener11 · 22/12/2022 09:43

Yes mine both moan and groan about their lot but when I offer help, solutions or a different way of doing xy and z it's met with contempt as if I'm a small child who knows nothing.
Drives me insane and I have to scream into a thick cushion when I get home.

picklemewalnuts · 22/12/2022 09:30

It doesn't quite reflect my mum's behaviour which is more about entitlement than independence. Sounds like my dad, though!

Mrsjayy · 22/12/2022 09:23

I think it was 28 95 year old! So basically the "research " was just a chat with Pauline from Newcastle

Glassofwhatever · 22/12/2022 09:22

There's obviously enough !

IToldYouAmillionTimesAlready · 22/12/2022 09:22

The study was about people born in 1921! There can't be too many of them about who are fit and able to rebel, surely?

picklemewalnuts · 22/12/2022 09:19

And apparently if only someone would give her some time, it would be fine. We give her hours and hours of our time and still get nowhere!

Mrsjayy · 22/12/2022 09:19

Well that's all well and good but the families must be driven to distraction with all the "'Shenanigans '"

picklemewalnuts · 22/12/2022 09:17

"I will cock it up and then ask you to fix it at short notice".

Doesn't it just! Mine complains endlessly that no one helps. Doesn't let you do anything. Then makes a mess and panics leaving me to clear up something horrendously complicated.

EmmaAgain22 · 22/12/2022 09:16

picklemewalnuts · 21/12/2022 20:12

Lord above. Mine's being unbelievable at the moment.

Sorry pickle. It's helish.

EmmaAgain22 · 22/12/2022 09:15

Hrmph. They can be as independent as they like if I don't have to deal with the consequences.

I'd much rather they were independent!

The examples given in the article seem fine. If mum doesn't want an emergency button, it's really okay for me, but she's the one who would potentially be lying on the floor all day with a broken bone.

the constant refrain of "I will manage" really means "I will cock it up and then ask you to fix it at short notice".

picklemewalnuts · 21/12/2022 20:12

Lord above. Mine's being unbelievable at the moment.