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Elderly parents
Original poster

who to spend christmas with?

32 replies

incognitoflamingo · 18/12/2022 18:08

FIL died at the start of the year so it will be MIl first Christmas without him.

We haven't spent Christmas with my parents for 3 yrs due to covid. Normally we alternate years. Year before covid just so happened to be the year with the inlaws.

Ddad is rapidly declining with dementia and we fear it may be his last Christmas.

So, we are due to go to my parents but I feel horrendously guilty about mil. SIL lives abroad and won't be travelling home this year so MIL will have extended family only

OP posts:
Original poster
incognitoflamingo · 18/12/2022 19:03

I'm going to try to get mil to come. She doesn't want to so we'll have a chat and work out what is best.

sil is coming over for Christmas next year and will want us all to spend it together so won't get to go to my parents next year either

OP posts:
yellowtotebag · 18/12/2022 18:22

My dad died this year. My mum is coming to the ILs with us. It will be a bit awkward perhaps as they are very different people but that’s just how it is. I see your situation is definitely complicated by your Dad’s dementia and I’m so sorry for that Flowers but I would not have it any other way than how we are doing it. If DP had suggested my mum stayed at home on her own I would never see him in the same way.

And if it’s really not doable I would be telling DP to stay with his DM whilst you go to your parents’. I know that’s rubbish but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself otherwise!

Original poster
incognitoflamingo · 18/12/2022 18:17

I can't really host as live hours away and ddad can't travel or stay away as gets extremely unsettled due to the dementia. So I can host but we're back to the dilema of not seeing my parents.

Will have to see if MIL can come to my parents

OP posts:
Beyondshit · 18/12/2022 18:14

WestendVBroadway · 18/12/2022 18:12

As above. Either take MIL with you to your folks, or you host for everyone.

This.

WestendVBroadway · 18/12/2022 18:12

As above. Either take MIL with you to your folks, or you host for everyone.

Original poster
incognitoflamingo · 18/12/2022 18:12

I don't think Dmum and ddad can cope with the extra person due to Ddad's dementia. He would struggling with someone he didn't know that well being in the house

The 2 sets of families live hundreds of miles apart so it isn't a case of being able to spend a few hours together

OP posts:
Ricco12 · 18/12/2022 18:10

Take MIL with you.