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Elderly parents
Original poster

Money woes

32 replies

Borntobeamum · 18/12/2022 16:43

My mum is awaiting an appointment at the memory clinic, they are trying to speed it up as she’s in a care home and causing havoc!
She’s suddenly become obsessed with money, or lack of it.
She has plenty in the bank, together with a house we will need to sell in the new year.

Unfortunately she wants actual cash in her purse. She carries a handbag around constantly and always had cash in her purse. She now gives it away to other residents so the notes are being kept in the safe at the care home and she has a few coins in her purse. These keep being doled out and then she gets annoyed when they’re not given back to her.

Despite me telling her she has no need to worry about money, what can I do?!

Ideally I could source some old notes (no longer legal tender ones) that she could count but they’d have no monetary value if lost/given away.

Any advice gratefully received x

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Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 18/12/2022 19:20

@Borntobeamum Try these. If it’s good enough for film and tv, it might just be good enough for your mum.

www.prop-money.co.uk/faq

SparkyBlue · 18/12/2022 19:15

You poor thing that's very difficult for you. My grandmother also became money obsessed as she got older. In her case no care home needed as she was fine and well able to live at home but yes obsessed with money when she'd never been like that. Once my uncle brought her lovely flowers and she belted them off him and said she'd have preferred the tenner or whatever they cost.

Reevesandmortimer · 18/12/2022 19:00

Sympathies and hugs to you, it sounds so hard. Might a cheque book work, she may be of an age where this is familiar to her and you could reassure her that the people she wants to give money to can take a cheque?

hatgirl · 18/12/2022 18:57

Search for prop money (used in films) rather than play money

or fill the purse full of fivers so the loss is minimised as much as possible.

Beamur · 18/12/2022 18:56

You're not failing her. You're acting in her best interests.
My MIL is in a care home now, we never say 'no' to questions like 'are you taking me home today ' but will say that we can't do that today because we're not going home yet. Being politely fobbed off seems to work quite well.
With dementia you have to remember that there's no point reasoning or explaining as they won't remember. You have to say something that comforts and reassures in the moment. So instead of saying that she can't have notes, you say you have forgotten to bring them today but will bring them another time. Next time, same again but be prepared with something interesting or engaging to show her instead.

Unicorn2022 · 18/12/2022 18:52

Has she been tested for a UTI? Elderly people who have lost a partner often neglect themselves, become dehydrated and get UTIs. The symptoms of a UTI can mimic dementia. I've seen this happen with so many old people.

Original poster
Borntobeamum · 18/12/2022 18:52

If it were so easy….
She’s a wonderful mum but rather a snob.
She doesn’t like costume jewellery.

She told a family friend that I’ve taken her rings and sold them for £400.

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Allsnotwell · 18/12/2022 18:52

Photocopy some real ones? Probably illegal!

DPotter · 18/12/2022 18:48

Oh Born you're not failing her. She's on a pathway that's scary and it's understandable she wants security and to go home, especially as she's lost her husband recently. However she's in a safe place. We got my Mum some costume jewellery which she likes to wear - would that help ?

Original poster
Borntobeamum · 18/12/2022 18:07

I just want to give my mum a bit of what she wants.
we lost my dad suddenly in September so she’s had to move into a care home. She wants to go home. She has lost everything and all she’s asking for is some money (and her rings that I’ve had to take away from her as they are very valuable and she kept losing/offering them around.

I feel as if I’m totally failing her 😪

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MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 18/12/2022 18:01

LinesAndDot · 18/12/2022 17:57

Ah OP, be careful of the suggestion to photocopy bank notes. I’m not in the UK, but in other jurisdictions if you did this you could unintentionally commit a criminal act - possessing counterfeiting money and/or creating counterfeit money. Not sure if UK is the same, but I’d say so.

Good point, if she gives photocopied money to other residents and they then try and spend them it could all get a bit complicated.

LinesAndDot · 18/12/2022 17:57

Ah OP, be careful of the suggestion to photocopy bank notes. I’m not in the UK, but in other jurisdictions if you did this you could unintentionally commit a criminal act - possessing counterfeiting money and/or creating counterfeit money. Not sure if UK is the same, but I’d say so.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 18/12/2022 17:55

Hi OP

EBay sell pre-decimalisation notes which have no value. Would that help?

Unicorn2022 · 18/12/2022 17:42

This is old fashioned but what worked for my MIL was carrying around an old pension book - she found it really reassuring and comforting. If you've got an old one of hers or could make one that looks current it might help instead of cash. Either that or a savings account book showing that she has a bit of money.

Original poster
Borntobeamum · 18/12/2022 17:41

Yes we have a copier x

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Original poster
Borntobeamum · 18/12/2022 17:41

9x4.5cm

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PritiPatelsMaker · 18/12/2022 17:39

The play money is tiny. I’ve looked at so many sets

Oh that's no good then.

Have you got access to a colour copier?

Original poster
Borntobeamum · 18/12/2022 17:39

The play money is tiny. I’ve looked at so many sets!

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RiderOfTheBlue · 18/12/2022 17:15

My aunty became very anxious about having cash in her purse. It had to be notes. She could have a purse full of coins but in her eyes she had no money. It took us a while to work out it was because she couldn't count the coins any longer. They were no use to her. She would pay for everything with a note, no matter how small the purchase.

We never came up with a solution but she stopped demanding notes after a few months. Like most things it was just a phase.

Rowthe · 18/12/2022 17:08

You can buy fake £20 on Amazon or do not think that would work?

Dacadactyl · 18/12/2022 17:07

Can you just photocopy some tenners?

isthewashingdryyet · 18/12/2022 17:07

Old notes still have the face value though, so people can take them to a bank and get the updated notes. So she is still giving the same amount of money away.

can the cash point be broken ?

TotallyOP · 18/12/2022 17:06

I don't think that will work as you can still change them in a bank 🧐.

Original poster
Borntobeamum · 18/12/2022 17:06

Foreign or Monopoly money would definitely not work.

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