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Elderly parents

Mother feeding cats- at a loss.

88 replies

speakout · 10/12/2022 20:09

My elderly mother lives wih us- she totally dotes on our two family cats.
I have cleaned up four piles of cat vomit in the past 24 hours.
Both cats are on the heavy side, one in particular, but my mother just won't stop feeding them Dreamies.
They are fed adequate amounts at regular intervals, but my mother hides packets of cat treats in her bedroom, pockets, bags.
From the content of the vomit it looks like they are each eating more than a packet a day. They will over eat on these type of treats.
She gets a huge amout of pleasure from feeding the cats, and I am at a loss.
I have suggested that she takes over feeding them one meal a day, I have pinned a feeding schedule to the fridge door, so any of the family can feed at the appropriate time and tick off, she agrees, but then instantly ignores.
She also feeds then cheap processed ham- easily a packet each- which again I often see in vomit.
My mother claims to love the cats more than anyone, and tells me I am cruel.
I am concerned as my cats grow older and are so heavy.

OP posts:
Acheyknees · 10/12/2022 20:54

Tell her you are taking them to the vets as all this vomiting isn't normal. Drive the cats round the block and come back in looking very tearful and tell her the vet says the cats have diabetes and will be dead in 6 months if they don't stop eating.

ChristmasBallBall · 10/12/2022 20:53

Compulsively over-feeding our cats was one of the first signs of my grandmother's dementia.

It's actually a recognised sign. The behaviour started about 10/12 years before she got a proper diagnosis.

SmudgeButt · 10/12/2022 20:52

Physically take the treats away from mom. Ban her from wherever the ham is. Do it 20 times a day. Add the line " you are now responsible for all cat vet bills"

Lewiscapaldiscat · 10/12/2022 20:51

Cats can’t digest ham so she is poisoning them.
what does she say when you show her the sick?

Baldieheid · 10/12/2022 20:49

Be blunt. I have had to be tough on a neighbour who keeps feeding my cats ham, and sometimes the "you're killing them" speech is what is needed.

speakout · 10/12/2022 20:42

Creamcheesedreams I had thought of dementia or some cognitive decline, but she had had this behaviour for decades.

OP posts:
speakout · 10/12/2022 20:40

erinaceus - I don't ever buy cat treats- my mother does and hides them.
I think part of the reason she enjoys feeding them is that she struggles to interact with them in other ways.
She tries to stroke when they are not in the mood, she will pin them down to groom, they bite and scratch her often.
It seems food is something she can find to have communication.
I have invited her to join in the feeding schedule, but she is often busy, out, asleep, or not interested, she only wants to feed the cats when she is interested, rather than when they are hungry.
Who would have thought such a thing could cause so much tension!

OP posts:
Creamcheesedreams · 10/12/2022 20:36

My mum had dementia and would water her beloved plants to death no matter how much I explained, put reminders, etc

She'd just forget she'd watered them already, not check soil, then water them again the same day.

Is your mother well in other aspects? Is it just the cat feeding that is feeling odd?

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 10/12/2022 20:31

Don't buy dreamies anymore or hide them well

Put one meal aside for her to fed it as treats a day. That way she gets fun but the cats are getting the right amount of food.

erinaceus · 10/12/2022 20:27

This really does not sound like a good situation for the cats, which I guess you know, or for you what with the cleaning up vomit.

Along with getting the vet to explain the gravity of the situation to your mum, which I was going to suggest, are there other ways your mum could interact with the cats that do not involve food? Do the cats like playing with toys, being groomed, or posing for photos?

AnnaMagnani · 10/12/2022 20:24

Take your mum to the vet to hear it from them directly?

speakout · 10/12/2022 20:16

MolesOnPoles · 10/12/2022 20:13

What would happen if you very clearly said ‘you can’t feed the cats Dreamies, you’re making them ill’. Te her that the vet said so if need be.

I know she gets pleasure from it, but it’s not fair on the cats (or you!)

Thanks- I have tried that, she nods then ignores me.
She honestly thinks I am being mean by not giving the cats treats.

OP posts:
MolesOnPoles · 10/12/2022 20:13

What would happen if you very clearly said ‘you can’t feed the cats Dreamies, you’re making them ill’. Te her that the vet said so if need be.

I know she gets pleasure from it, but it’s not fair on the cats (or you!)