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Elderly parents
Original poster

Mother feeding cats- at a loss.

88 replies

speakout · 10/12/2022 20:09

My elderly mother lives wih us- she totally dotes on our two family cats.
I have cleaned up four piles of cat vomit in the past 24 hours.
Both cats are on the heavy side, one in particular, but my mother just won't stop feeding them Dreamies.
They are fed adequate amounts at regular intervals, but my mother hides packets of cat treats in her bedroom, pockets, bags.
From the content of the vomit it looks like they are each eating more than a packet a day. They will over eat on these type of treats.
She gets a huge amout of pleasure from feeding the cats, and I am at a loss.
I have suggested that she takes over feeding them one meal a day, I have pinned a feeding schedule to the fridge door, so any of the family can feed at the appropriate time and tick off, she agrees, but then instantly ignores.
She also feeds then cheap processed ham- easily a packet each- which again I often see in vomit.
My mother claims to love the cats more than anyone, and tells me I am cruel.
I am concerned as my cats grow older and are so heavy.

OP posts:
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PritiPatelsMaker · 30/12/2022 15:16

So glad that you've found a solution.

Was just going to question the waiting list for sheltered accommodation. Before Covid my DM's place had a 5 year waiting list . Now it's zero. Have you spoken to them yourself to see where she is on the list?

FictionalCharacter · 30/12/2022 13:16

FuckMyLife2022 · 10/12/2022 22:57

She is cruel to your cats and was to her own.

She was so awful to her children that your sister left home at 14. I can’t imagine she was nice to you.

So why the fuck is she living with you? Elderly or not, this is a form of self harm OP. I’d ramp up the therapy and get her out of your home.

I agree with this. You're already aware that she's a narcissist and she will never change her behaviour. She caused her own cats to die prematurely. She pins yours to the floor to give them unwanted attention. She's slowly killing them with an overload of unsuitable food. Yet she's manipulated you so successfully she has you thinking you are being cruel to her!

Why does she live with you? She sounds absolutely horrible, whiny and nasty (telling people you've been mean to her?!)
This clearly goes way beyond the situation with the cats and you would have a much happier, healthier household without her. She probably has you believing you're obliged to house her and look after her, but you are not. If she had no daughter she'd be living somewhere else.

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/12/2022 12:55

Who does the shopping?

CharlotteStreetW1 · 30/12/2022 12:54

Wow that's great! Well done OP!

LemonSwan · 30/12/2022 12:49

Good news! Should really rtft 😂

LemonSwan · 30/12/2022 12:48

Give her a bag of special treats from the vet as dreamies make them ill.

(aka a fancy kibble).

Both MIL and cats will be tricked by this.

Suzi888 · 30/12/2022 12:42

Brilliant news!

Blip · 30/12/2022 12:21

Bravo OP what great problem solving!

Original poster
speakout · 30/12/2022 11:48

Blip - in fact that's what happened.
I bought my mother an interactive companion pet- a toy for christmas.
She is completely obsessed with it- it purrs when stroked, moves, sleeps, she has a couple of outfits for it, has her alarm set for grooming and "feeding" time, it sits on her knee- something my real cats won't do.
She is completely ignoring my actual cats- no evidence of her feeding them, they are back on a healthy schedule, and no vomiting since christmas eve.
Thanks for the advice.

OP posts:
Blip · 30/12/2022 10:49

Is there a way to give your mother another interest to replace feeding the cats?

Or maybe get her a hamster or similar to feed instead? I'm not sure if you can over feed these?

I think phoning the vet before taking your mum to see her for a lecture is a good idea. Then make a zero tolerance rule. Say that she is not to feed the cats or hide ham or cat treats around the house or in your room and that if she cannot respect this rule she will need to be rehomed and not the cats.

If she moans to other people in front of you that she cannot treat the cats say "mum the vet has explained to you that your overfeeding is cruel and is causing serious health issues for the cats".

BanjoVio · 30/12/2022 08:56

Is there someone who could foster your cats while they get well again? I’m really sorry to suggest it but it sounds like these poor animals need rehoming if your mother doesn’t stop this and you can’t foster them out for a while.

RettyPriddle · 30/12/2022 08:48

OP, this sounds awful. It seem like you’ve been putting up with your mum’s poor behaviour all your life. I think you should put yourself - and your cats - first. Good luck

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 30/12/2022 08:43

I think you have misread my post op. I was implying whilst your dm's mh isn't affected by her behaviour I bet yours is. And if she was away from your home and your poor dcats your life - and theirs - would be better. Your dm doesn't trump you in terms of well-being.

Suzi888 · 30/12/2022 08:32

You need to rehome your mother. She will go higher up the list if you speak to the council and say you can no longer cope.
I’d tell her I’ll rehome the cats if she doesn’t stop feeding them.
Access her room and remove the treats.

Theunamedcat · 30/12/2022 08:23

She would get higher up the list if you threw her out

Missmarplesknittingbuddy · 22/12/2022 10:48

You have had some great suggestions, and the cats need protection from your mother . If she wont listen to the vet and she is still going to be living in your home with your cats then could you try one meal of dried normal cat food for the cats . You could put this into a bag and your mother could feed it to them throughout the day. I would also look the waiting list for sheltered housing for your mother as it maybe it isnt as long as she has told you .

titchy · 11/12/2022 13:13

speakout · 11/12/2022 13:03

My MH is fine thanks.
Not sure why people think I have a problem.
And as it happens my sister has very poor mental health.
My mother has been on the waiting list for sheltered housing, but the waiting list is very long.

Probably because you appear to have been FOGged into letting her live with you...

titchy · 11/12/2022 13:12

That's unusual - sheltered housing lists aren't usually that long. Is she definitely on a list, or is that what she has told you?

Original poster
speakout · 11/12/2022 13:03

My MH is fine thanks.
Not sure why people think I have a problem.
And as it happens my sister has very poor mental health.
My mother has been on the waiting list for sheltered housing, but the waiting list is very long.

OP posts:
Sprouttreesareamazing · 11/12/2022 12:26

Your dsis had the right idea. Bet her state of mind is better than yours op.
Been nc with my dm for best part of 20 years.
Mh is outstanding!

SuperFly123 · 11/12/2022 06:54

FuckMyLife2022 · 10/12/2022 22:57

She is cruel to your cats and was to her own.

She was so awful to her children that your sister left home at 14. I can’t imagine she was nice to you.

So why the fuck is she living with you? Elderly or not, this is a form of self harm OP. I’d ramp up the therapy and get her out of your home.

Have to say I agree with this. Rehome your mother and keep the poor cats.

FuckMyLife2022 · 10/12/2022 22:57

She is cruel to your cats and was to her own.

She was so awful to her children that your sister left home at 14. I can’t imagine she was nice to you.

So why the fuck is she living with you? Elderly or not, this is a form of self harm OP. I’d ramp up the therapy and get her out of your home.

justgettingthroughtheday · 10/12/2022 22:50

Why is she living with you? I'd probably rehome her over the poor cats.
I'd take her to the vets and get them to read her the riot act.
Same with the gp if needed

Gemcat1 · 10/12/2022 22:43

May I suggest that you contact her doctor to see if an assessment can be made. If there are any medical issues then the specialists can pick them up. If healthy, then you need to have a conversation with your Mum explaining that they are your cats and that you need her to respect that. If she wants to interact with your cats she can use a wiggle toy or put a few treats (watch her) in a ball that the cat needs to bat around to get one out. It may be worth talking to Cat Protection for suggestions on interaction or the RSPCA, you don't have to give them your details. The main thing is to be firm and if your Mum starts to say that maybe she's a burden then say only when she interferes with the cats. Explain to her that it is unfair to the cats, and to yourself, to overfeed them so they vomit and get fat.

FancyFanny · 10/12/2022 22:37

Can't you buy some healthy treats for her to feed the cats and feed them less at meal times.