DM died suicide

So sorry for your loss

@ShakerMakerGirl When our Dad died {of a brief~ish illness} it was a huge relief in a way that he was freed from the constraints of his body, and was ''Free''.
I had the sensation of him being light as air.

It doesn't make any sense, but that it how I felt, too..Glad he was no longer suffering the indignities of the illness.

Yesterday was the anniversary of my Mum {Bio mum's} death.. 7th December.. I never really knew her as she died while I was just a toddler, but I have fleeting memories... and heard as an older person from her friends that she too was a wonderful person. {Illness}

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you have some support IRL as the reality of her being gone hits. xx

My mum died recently. Not by suicide but near the end stages of a dreadful illness. I absolutely understand your feelings. I see her death as her liberty. Take care.

It's the absolute cruelest thing that we can't be with people when they make that decision. It doesn't make any sense on any kind of humane level. I know I will do what your mum did if I was ever in that situation. She is incredibly brave and you should be so proud of her. 💐💕💐

Your Mum does sound like the most amazing, Thoughtful person.

Self Euthanise is exactly what I'd call it.

If ever I get {Dementia} I will hopefully have the courage to do the same.

I don't know what condition/illness your Mum had, but she sounds a deeply thoughtful and caring person, who wanted to spare you both anguish in the future.

Your post from a few days ago , I remember...
How you slept in her bed for comfort.

That is deeply poignant.

What a lovely Mum.. You sound like a great Daughter, too.

I think the strangest thing in these situations is the mix of emotions which is probably why OP you haven’t shed a tear. It’s still a shock and you’re sad but it’s the odd feeling of relief that they aren’t in pain or going to get progressively worse with their illness they aren’t in fear anymore. It was their choice and them choosing their own way to go rather than the illness take them. I was always angry they had the illness rather than any anger towards them.

If I was in my aunts shoes I would choose the same thing.

It sounds like your mum was very thoughtful and empathetic person and that she has passed those traits to you.

Perhaps that is the calmness? You know and understand her and have not been left with the puzzling doubts that this sort of ending can bring?

My dad made a similar decision last year. He was almost 80 and suffered a spinal injury in a car crash. On admittance to hospital (very dramatic helicopter flight!) they discovered he had advanced prostate cancer.

He was a retired doctor, mind still very sharp and not at all happy at the thought of living with paralysis.
After two weeks of staring at the ward ceiling he made the decision to have all active medical care withdrawn and died 36 hours later.
I’m still a bit annoyed that it was so difficult to visit in those last weeks (Covid rules meant I only got to see him once) but I am comforted knowing that he was in very sound mind and that he was glad to have the final say in how his life ended.
He rather enjoyed the morphine, tbh.

Love to you and the memory of your wonderful mum ❤️

Gosh,hope that you are ok. SOBS charity that support people impacted by suicide
Bereavement support
Do go see your gp if you need support

So sorry for your loss @ShakerMakerGirl :(

I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like she was able to go on her own terms.

Sorry for your loss

I think it is perfectly common and normal to feel relief or a sense of deliverance when someone who is desperately ill dies. Whether it is cancer, cirrhosis (my uncle died of that and his last few months were agony), dementia. You are in no way odd nor is your reaction inappropriate.

Very sorry for your loss and the shock you must have had.

We lost DMIL a month ago. She was 93, and did not want to soldier on any longer, doubly incontinent and with dementia. I spent a lot of time with her in her last months, and she had had enough. I think we need to remember how to let people go.

So sorry for your loss.😢

It's strange but I felt the same when my auntie died. She had pancreatic cancer and watched her battle through it twice. But we knew it was coming so were prepared for it. It's not nice seeing someone close to you in such pain. 😢

I am so very sorry OP.
I think you may feel different in a few weeks, I found about a month after my Dad’s sudden death, everything hit me and the first year was a fog of grief really.
But as pps say, there is no right or wrong way to feel. You will feel differently at different times, years in the future you might feel fine and then a small thing may make missing her seem raw and overwhelming. There isn’t an end point as such, you just gradually adjust but you always miss your Mum or Dad, and sometimes that really hurts and sometimes it just is what it is.
Look after yourself now. Eat well, sleep , get outside. Organising a funeral is hard, but you keep going because you have to.
I am so sorry that your Mum, who sounds lovely, had such a rough time of it.

I’m sorry for your loss 💔

It is not an odd response. You are feeling peace. Different emotions may come later. May your mum rest in peace.

I found a family member and was a bit bothered that there was a moment of relief in there at first. Relief that their suffering was over. It was short lived though.

I also didn't have much emotion around it. I was completely numb. I know now that was because I was in shock. The PTSD came not long after and persists today.

I'm just posting because it seemed you wanted some feedback on how your feelings from others who had similar experiences. I'd be happy to chat more privately if you want.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I believe your mother was able to make that choice and to leave life on her own terms while she was still capable .
I faced a life threatening illness a few years ago and it's surprising how you can come to terms with death. I thought a lot about having an exit strategy. Fortunately I came through but it's always in my mind for the future.

I'm glad she was able to talk to you about it.

Maybe as well (not sure if this is insensitive) you could use some of that money your mother has thoughtfully left in a way that you feel helps. DH aunt left me a necklace and bracelet that I don’t wear but just keep and one day I will give my two girls who adored her one each. Maybe you could buy something special to remember her. Or even donate a small amount to a charity that had helped or supported her.

Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. I would say please don’t criticise yourself for your feelings. DH aunt (who we were very close with, helped with her care etc) had been ill for a while and passed away during one of the lockdowns. I remember MIL phoning me and we both just said thank god, thank god. Looking back I should have felt awful but it was like torture watching her die a slow and painful death and lose her facilities and become like a shell of herself. It was like we’d already grieved her in a way, and now it was a relief from the worry and hurt of seeing her in constant pain.

I'm so sorry about your Mum. Grief is complex and very hard to navigate. My Mum died aged 59 of cancer after a 9 month fight - I was distraught even though I knew it was coming. My Dad died 13 years later of a very sudden heart attack - my grief was very different - I didn't cry for days. There is no 'text book' grief. Nobody should be forced to feel something they don't - but when and if you do, that's okay too. We think that society makes us feel we should be wailing and mourning them deeply. We do, but it's individual and personal - it might come later, it might not. You can't force feelings. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Wishing you all the very best ⚘

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

My Dad is terminally ill, and his disease progression is cruel, slow and relentless. Honestly, I only wish he had the choice that your Mum had. She chose her ending, when and how it happened.

Be kind to yourself, grief will hit when you least expect it