DM died suicide

Hi @ShakerMakerGirl , Hope you got through the day with your little ones. xx

@ShakerMakerGirl How are you doing, now? Hoping you've been able to rest a little and take things slowly. Good to get to bed extra early and just step away from normal tasks.

I am so so sorry for your loss and for any
Suffering your mum had during her life.

She sounds like an incredible lady who clearly raised an incredible child and that you were both able to communicate well.

You take care of yourself.

I am so sorry for your loss. No response is "wrong". I don't think it's that strange to be relieved that your mum is no longer suffering x

I'm a survivor of double suicide. I would say that's the reason my father decided to take his life. He lived with phantom limb pain for years. However I've also come to understand that no one can do this unless there is a large degree of depression so you cannot simply separate them. People never want to imagine that their loved one felt that desperate. I'm sorry for your loss 💐

So sorry for your loss 💕

Sending you much love @ShakerMakerGirl , I remember your thread from last week.

Your sense of calm rings true. You had spoken to your dm, she had thought things through and obviously made her decision and planned things to cause you the least distress possible. She sounds absolutely wonderful. She is now free from pain and fear and it sounds like you will write a fabulous eulogy.

Having lost a parent this year I can reassure you that there is no right or wrong way to feel. Grief is odd and very unpredictable. Take things slowly xx

My brother took his own life aged 29. He had suffered with mental health issues since he was 12 and the reality was things were never going to improve for him. My parents are dead and he was my only sibling but I believe he made the right choice.

A doctor friend told me that medics are notorious for avoiding a lot of the procedures and life extending therapies like chemo and radiation that patientsare routinely offered.

They are often very focused on quality of time rather than quantity because they see so much suffering.

My condolences OP.
What a wonderful woman your mother was.

I think your reaction is very muchbto be expected.

You have known this day was coming for a long time, you will miss her terribly but she is finally pain free.

Mind yourself.

I'm sorry for your loss OP. You sound lovely.
I don't know if it helps or not but I have MS and TN, and can understand what may have led your mum to this. We don't want to burden our children and the loss of control of our lives is a constant worry. Plus I can't describe the pain of TN, it is truly hideous and led me to contemplate suicide myself at one stage.
Your mum sounds like a remarkable woman and a brave and compassionate one.
Your feelings will change over time but please do understand that anything you feel right now is normal and likely to change every day.
Sending you love.

I’m sorry for your loss OP. It’s a terrible shock, your emotions will be all over the place but be kind to yourself and heal in your own time.

My DM took her own life 3 years ago, she suffered from poor mental health, substance misuse and several toxic relationships. She had a traumatic life and was probably with us longer than she ever wanted to be. After she passed I felt all sorts, sadness, guilt for having not done more, anger and felt she was selfish. In time I have come to terms with the loss and can think about her without crying, sometimes it can hit out of no where and I’ll feel a lump in my throat. But I always think, as heartbreaking as it is, she made a choice that was her decision and the only way forward is to respect that and focus on living my own life. Take care OP, healing takes time x

Your mum sounds wonderful OP, thinking of you all so much even at the end when she was faced with something so difficult. Such a brave person. I too hope this can be legalised so that people can be there with their loved ones ❤️

I remember an old colleague of mine. He was the picture of health, went to the gym daily, he was fantastic at his job, well liked and very handsome too. He had everything going for him. Then, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and went rapidly downhill. It robbed him of everything and he made the decision that he would depart on his own terms.

He did not die a hideous painful death in an unfamiliar bed. He kept his dignity and died quickly and peacefully, on a big fluffy cloud of morphine. It was like his final act of control. Like he was saying 'Fuck you cancer, I'll go the way I want to'.

Of course he was mourned and sadly missed at work. There was definite comfort in the fact he did not suffer in death though. Everybody deserves the best departure they can possibly have and I feel as though this is what your dear mum wanted and also had. She sounds like a fantastic mum, you were very lucky to have her ❤

💐💐💐💐🙏🙏🙏

Wow your mum sounds amazing, so insightful and caring. Love and prayers to you and yours.

You and your mother both sound like wonderful women OP.
My mother died two years ago, she welcomed it after a tough life with a lot of illness. Although I wasn't ready for her to die, I'm grateful she got what she wanted and I don't miss her because I know dying brought her a peace she never had.
Take care x

I really enjoyed writing the eulogy too. It brought me a lot of comfort.

I'm so sorry. I hope there's comfort in knowing she went on her own terms.

As for grief, it's entirely individual, there's no right or wrong way to do it. I love that you're excited to share her life story with others in the eulogy - that's a beautiful thing to do. I've taken many funerals over the years and my advice would be if you're going to read the eulogy to write it down, and have someone there primed to take over if you find you can't get the words out on the day. Knowing there's that option tends to mean you don't need it, but it's absolutely OK if you do.

Be kind to yourself, and let others look after you when you need it. You don't have to shoulder it all alone.

I’m so sorry for your loss but I totally get how you are feeling. My mum died following a long illness four years ago and I felt relief for her as well as feeling devastated. I remember her saying she’d had enough but selfishly (and understandably I’m sure) I wanted her around for as long as possible.

I didn’t cry very much after she died, and still haven’t. But equally I think I did a lot of grieving while she was still around. I can remember pulling over on the A36 on the way back from Southampton hospital and howling because each time I didn’t know if I’d see her again.

As others have said, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve and you are likely in shock. Just put one foot in front of the other and plod through it. Sending love. X

She sounds like a very strong lady and clear with her decisions.
Sorry for your loss. I know when my dad died, I was pleased he was no longer in pain yet devastated he was gone. 💐

One of my grandparents died in this way and my parent (who found them) had a very similar reaction to you. An overwhelming feeling of relief. He had a progressive illness. I don't want to give too many details as they will out me, and it's not my story to tell.

You are not alone here.There is no "proper" way to grieve. Go with it, and let yourself feel it. It may floor you later, it may not.

Be kind to yourself- this is both an ending, but also a beginning.

So sorry for your loss. Your mum sounds an incredibly brave, loving mother....and you a very compassionate , loving daughter. I wish you peace.❤