Three family deaths in the last 2 years. Don't feel like I'm making headway with grieving as most days I think about them and often struggle to not be tearful but this is fleeting usually. I find myself thinking about dying a lot. I function fine. Working well, no one would know I feel like this and I suspect its normal. Each death was after long period of time of suffering with dementia, ill health, pain, cancer etc. I was main carer for years whilst managing family and working and frankly burned out.
I can't bear the idea of going through this again with remaining relatives or myself.....but two elderly relatives now deteriorating with dementia. I won't be the main carer but will watch husband and child go through it. (My ex MIL and current MIL). Child (19yrs) is going to be main carer for her grandma and dreading it so I will be supporting her.
I feel low in mood, I don't think about suicide but I do think I don't care if I die. I'd rather die than get old and suffer. I can't seem to shift my mindset into 'joy'. It's stuck in misery :( What can I do?