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Elderly parents

Distressing situation with my mum - need advice

53 replies

Willowcat77 · 16/11/2022 17:38

My 82 year old mum became very ill with Covid/low sodium and has now been discharged from hospital after 3 weeks. She is now at home.

Problem is, she has been completely confused with severe delirium since entering hospital and shows no sign of improvement even though she is now back in her own home. She keeps asking where she is and doesn't recognise people and keeps saying in a baffled voice "why am I alive?"

She thinks the hospital nurses were trying to poison her so is refusing to take the medication they have prescribed. I don't think she is safe to be alone but the hospital says she doesn't need a care plan because she is physically okay. Problem is I live over an hours drive away and have a job and a family. I don't know how this is going to work. I can't afford to give up work. I've already taken 3 weeks off work and they want me to come back.

4 weeks ago she was completely independent and now she is like a frightened child. We never got on prior to the crisis - she had a very difficult personality, possibly bipolar or borderline, but now she clings on to me and won't let me go. I am the only person she will accept in the house - she went NC with my brother 30 years ago, so no help there.

I don't know what to do. What do other people do in these sort of situations?

OP posts:
LindseyHoyleSpeaks · 16/11/2022 18:13

Gotta be cruel to be kind. Essentially tell ss you’re washing your hands of it all and they have to step in.

Prenticetideisout · 16/11/2022 18:10

I have been through a similar situation although I'm not sure I know enough to give advice. I phoned SW community care and asked for a care assessment (which was done initially over the phone), then a Social Worker came out and spoke to my relative - a care package was eventually put in place. I also went to the GP with my relative (I made the appointment and took her), I ended up talking to the GP quite a lot and they were a good help supporting the care package.

There was a lot of stalling and expecting me to take over from SW initially but eventually I had to be firm with what I was prepared to do (and that wasn't giving up my job to become a carer). As you live an hour away this isn't practical anyway, and that's not even taking into consideration your difficult relationship!
I'm sorry - it sounds difficult!

Start keeping notes of issues/problems and be fully open about the situation to the GP/SWD. I am pretty sure care packages are reassessed regularly so her needs may go down in the future but be clear she needs support now - Don't talk about what she was like 4 weeks ago - focus on her situation today and don't downplay anything because your DM doesn't want external involvement.
Expect it to get more difficult before it gets easier.

I'm sure someone will be along with better advice but this is what my experience has been.

ChristmasisRuined · 16/11/2022 18:09

I would contact her GP and possibly even adult social services?? (Not 100% about that last one, wait and see if any other posters corroborate on that one).
Either way it certainly sounds like she shouldn't be alone Flowers