Suggestions on things to do while visiting mum in care home.

@Imtoooldforallthis I bought my mum a usb cable and plug.

Read out crosswords to her. My grandad could still do the farmers crossword even when he wasn't sure whether the person reading it out to him was his mother, wife, daughter or granddaughter.

I found with my late DM (vascular dementia) that if I was on my own it was hard work, we'd tend to sit and watch TV together. It was much easier if I went when my DDad was there or I took my daughters along, she enjoyed having us all around and listening to the conversation. I think she just likes us there hanging out with her. Having said that she also enjoyed the activities the nursing home laid on, so might be worth you seeing what/when they are and timing your visits to include them? Her home was very happy for visitors to join in

If she's after coins and money, can you try and collect some old money and put it in a purse with some "bus tickets"?

It you want an activity you could give her the money and ask her to put it in a purse for you.

I used to take some knitting and get my aunt to hold the balls of wool. Stripey gloves were good (I made several pairs and gave them to the staff) as there were two balls to hold. "Oh, I need a bit more red." "Can you unroll some blue now?" kept the conversation flowing.

She would fold and unfold tea towels for ages in the later stages of dementia so I kept a stack in her room.

I’m keep visits to about 40 minutes, we talk
about every single thing in her room a million times. I paint my DM’s nails, rearrange all
her clothes and brush her hair .

Dominos
Colouring
Crosswords

At my mums care home they have a room with dementia friendly versions of these ..

Do you have any old family photos that you can take to look at. I find my mum enjoys talking about the people/events in them. She doesn't recognise me in recent photos but dig out something from a holiday or event in the 1970s and she can recognise everyone and remember all about it.

My MIL has dementia and is deaf and no longer copes with her aids so communication is very difficult.
She likes a few chocolates and looking at photos of our pet cats.
Short visits which end before she gets grumpy or upset are best. I don't think she knows who we are but seems to quite like having visitors (just not for long!)

My mum had dementia and I also found visiting difficult, especially during the Covid lockdowns when she was brought to me to sit in a tent, a pod or in the reception area! It was better once restrictions lifted when I was able to go to her room or into the lounge with her with other residents.

I always took homemade cake with me as mum used to bake a lot so enjoyed talking about recipes. I used to take my crochet with me as mum would admire my work, look at the colours and want to touch it. The inly problem was that she thought every thing I made was for her!

If we were in her room I put on a dvd which she would watch for a few minutes and it provided back ground noise to break up any awkward silences. I tried to visit with my sister as we could at least chat to each other! As mums illness got worse, it was more difficult as mum refused to engage in typical dementia activities such as look at photos, colour in, do jig saws etc, she thought they were childish and got angry.

I lived close to the home so could cut short a visit to just half an hour if mum was in a bad mood but generally I found an hour was about right. I always had an anxious moment though when driving there wondering what mood mum would be in!

Mum died in May and I only had a few weeks in total of “ normal” visits without restrictions even though she lived at the home for over two years. Her home was very good at opening up visits as soon as the restrictions gradually reduced and even broke the rules a couple of times - allowing my sister who was over from the US for Christmas to visit with me and my siblings when it took us over the number limit!

The equivalent of a Christmas stocking ... a little gift bag with wrapped treats pass-the-parcel style, for example, a bag of chocolate buttons,, an emery board, a pack of animal snap, a Fry's Cream, a tube of smarties... then count all the orange smarties and eat them first, use the emery board
a balloon my mum can just about still play balloon tig
hold your hand Tell your mum your hand is extremely sore and can she smooth it better, gives a great opportunity for her to sit and hold your hand and say nothing
comb her/ your hair My DM when able loved to be of help
Face time her neighbour or friend and let her listen in to your chat. I FaceTime my DB and she just listens in to our voices

This radio is cheaper and just one button to press. I got my mum the 'lift the flap' music player from AlzProducts, but she didn't like it - my colleagues dad though absolutely loved it when I passed it onto her and gets a great deal of pleasure from it

An hour is quite a long visit. We just used to stay 1/2 hr with my dad. Lots of good suggestions here. My dad liked being part of something even if he couldn't join in so any jigsaw, crosswords etc.

relish-life.com/music/radios/relish-radio?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=18133760349&utm_content=&utm_term=&gclid=Cj0KCQjwqoibBhDUARIsAH2OpWguuKdfHcm7S3Qa5DwniVAuncQrSa2O_qZxscd1Nx6ekZEPybi74tEaAmRSEALw_wcB

Would something like this work?

We would have a pamper time eg hand cream, facial, nails, etc. Have a little dance. Read books. Do puzzles. Play with fidget spinner / pop its. Style hair (eg take in rollers, clips). Do some gentle exercises/stretches. List all family members with little updates on each - mum liked hearing all their names.
We were able to go walks round the grounds.
Call or facetime other family members and friends.

Do you think she could sort things - maybe have a pile of change and ask her to put the coins in different pots. Or sort buttons by colour.

I realise how fortunate I am that my mum has no mobility and can't wander. Although she loved the tv she never liked having music in the background but now she really engages with the sing a longs in the home.

Like your mum she would get agitated about her clothes. She was used to me putting her clothes out every evening so when she went into the home she wanted me to do that still.

Something that mum really enjoyed when she started in the home was this lamp:
www.amazon.co.uk/Playlearn-Mini-Jellyfish-Aquarium/dp/B06XCTXDLM/ref=sr_1_5?crid=1QREGZ5E9CEHJ&keywords=jelly+fish+light+lamp&qid=1667384789&qu=eyJxc2MiOiI1LjQ2IiwicXNhIjoiNC42MiIsInFzcCI6IjQuMDcifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=jelly+fish+%2Caps%2C131&sr=8-5

She found it really relaxing so we would watch it together.

I visit once a week for an hour usually with my cousin or a friend - not on a bus route so dependent on others for transport - and an hour is long enough although we have been sent home earlier on occasion!

Maybe take a magazine to look through together. I used to do this with my gran. One with a variety of pictures and subjects works well- you can just flick through together and comment in any way you want on what you see and that can inspire a chat or if it doesn’t just turn the page. What a beautiful scene, reminds me of my holiday in Scotland. I like that dress, do you? Etc etc.

The libraries in our area have a range of resources to borrow that are specifically for interacting with people with dementia. There's items including jigsaws with a very few large pieces (like 6 -20) in adult pictures, or a set of little bottles containing smells that older people would be familiar with (eg cut grass. lavender etc), books with reminiscence type pictures and few words to stimulate conversation, also packs of flashcards with things from her past which prompt memories, CDs of old music etc.
The items are free to borrow, but aren't kept in the actual libraries and have to be ordered in from a central point.
This is in my area, and your library area might be different but it's worth checking the library website or asking your librarian. It's not widely known about here but useful for people in your position.

Colouring books, dominoes, magazines so you can chat about the articles, quizzes on TV (DParent still mourning the absence of Richard Osman on Pointless!). Some children's programmes on TV - Malory Towers was good.

Jigsaws, puzzle books. I often take a flask of tea and HM cake/biscuits.

Show photos of the family on phone. The grandkids will do a video call once a week when I'm there.

I used to do sticker books with mum. There are some lovely ones with a scene to complete with stickers (I think I got a couple from the National Trust shop). We had one that was garden scenes, and one a stately home. I'd remove the sticker and hand it to mum and we'd chat about where to put it. We also had a dementia-friendly jigsaw, I think I got it from the Alzheimers Society shop - it only had about 12 pieces. It didn't matter how many times we did it.

How about something co-operative - take a basket of socks to pair up, or a basket of small clean laundry (even if you have to buy some childrens clothes) to inspect and fold. A button/ bead tin which 'needs sorting' would be good if she likes that activity, and someone on here had a mum who enjoyed untangling and rolling up ribbons. Socks to 'darn' depending on her skill/interest.
Weirdly, my mum enjoyed watching people doing sudoku way beyond the point she could do it
Would she react to you looking at a magazine and you chatting about it - I'm thinking a Homes and Garden sort of thing so you can keep up a stream of 'look at that! I can't imagine a kitchen with so many shelves, so much to dust!' to at least fill in the time.