House clearance heartache

I had to go through boxes of photos & letters going back 3 generations invitation to a garden party at Buck Pal. etc,
I sifted through it, what felt irreplaceable was saved in a big plastic trunk somewhere( (n my (brother's loft ?) these things will never again see the light if day until he dies...
We had a bonfire that burned for 2 days & nights of stuff...
The good stuff all fitted in one room, valued & disposed of
2 skips were filled
Clothes to Charity shop
Beds & carpets to the tip
Similarly, it was done in the week following Mum's funeral. Before we had to go home to different parts of the world. Very brutal.
It had been the family heart & home for our whole lives & finally all that was left was the tatty bare bones of an aging house.

My mother was in a council house.

They gave us 2 weeks to empty it, and make good. In the snow, 800 miles away during Covid.

We photographed everything we could that might mean something to family. There were many trips to the tip. Which had to be booked in advance on a day dependent on the first letter of the surname of the property holder... who no longer existed... the hoops to jump through were heart-rending... every.time.

The photos and personal letters etc, we had to put in a big box as was unprepared for the pure emotion created by stopping to look.

It is draining

Good luck OP, such a hard thing to do.

One thing I would recommend- really try to limit how much you keep, if the only thing you'll do is keep in it a box somewhere.

Joshua Becker (on youtube) says his wife had boxes full of stuff from her grandma. When they turned to minimalism she eventually went through it all and kept just 3 things. 1) a dish that her grandma kept on her coffee table - it is now on theirs. 2) a broach she wore on her coat - his wife now wears it on hers 3) her bible which his wife keeps in her bedside table.

By doing this she turned some unlooked through cardboxes boxes into 3 meaningful sentimental items which are used and seen daily.

Also, think about replacing some of your stuff with your parents' stuff. E.g. if you dining set is just an ordinary one from ikea (for eg), get rid of yours (dont keep it!) and use your parents dining set.

It is so, so hard. My parents' home was not only my childhood home, but also my mum's and her own mother's before her, and had been built by my great-great-grandfather, so it felt like a huge betrayal to clear out beautiful old furniture that had been there for generations. Nobody had ever cleared it fully before - it had just been passed on and people had sort of moved in on top of the previous generation's stuff and kept everything, so you can imagine how much I had to trawl through. It took a couple of years in the end because of illness and the distance involved, and what really broke my heart was that the person who bought it from us promised that it would be his family home - even offered for us to go back and see it after he'd renovated it - and then carved it up into flats. It's entirely his perogative, I know, but I was heartbroken because the house felt like so much more than bricks and mortar.

Sorry, I'm rambling - just wanted to offer a handhold because I know how difficult and heartbreaking it is.

Can you take some of the photos to your dad ? It will give you something to reminisce over together.

It is so hard to do. I really emphasise with you here. We did mils home and it was not the childhood home we still found so many things that just tugged at the heart strings. So hard.

I have no solutions but wanted tohold your hand in this.
I'm having the same emotional turmoil with my Grandma's house (she's 95, just had a stroke and we don't know yet if she'll be getting home) and my parents are disabled so its down to me to sort. My husband is being amazing in taking on so much of the responsibility too even though she's not his grandma, but it just seems soooo big.
Emotionally draining.
Mentally draining.
💗

I'm so sorry and yes, I know exactly how you feel. In my case I had been looking after my Dad until he died. The dismantling of the family home was done in indecent haste as my avaricious brother had arranged a rental and the tenant was moving in at very short notice. A long time ago now - I have so many happy memories of my parents and a few bits to remember them. My Mum had died a few years earlier and left all her jewellery to me, which of course has great sentimental value. I have passed on some bits already to my daughter.

We moved in 2019 and decluttered but still have a massive amount of stuff! My husband is much better at getting rid of things than I am!!!

Could you scan the photos? Or pay someone to scan them? Then you'd have a digital copy. Sounds awful op.