Argh... Any one else feel like Cinderella?!

Do you get any benefits OP?
If not, maybe look into it, as you probably ought to.
Nobody likes to feel as if they are working for nothing.
Who pays for food?
Sending hugs to you and your DS x

I have no idea why people should be so opposed to the OP describing her son as a Young Carer. I didn't actually realise that the term applied to my daughters when they were growing up but that's what they were, just like your son.

I cared for my mum with my dad until he died and then pretty much on my own with my girls. My mum lived in a granny annex in our garden. My girls would do pretty much whatever I would do for her. Two years ago they both left home - one got married and the other went to university and so like Cinders I was left at home while everyone else started exciting new lives.

Does your nan get Attendance Allowance? If she needs you there overnight then she would qualify for the higher rate.

Have you let your son's school know that he is a Young Carer? I work as a data manager in an English school and I recently overhauled our recording of this. It is important - for example if he were in late due needing to take younger children to their school, or perhaps in your situation you had to take your nan to a GP appt and then drop him to school. It makes a difference as to the recording for absence or lates. Hopefully too the school would be accessing support for their young carers. Our support have just let us down - badly. Because I had the numbers on the school system I could let SLT know straight away which students wouldnt be getting the external support. And it matters. A lot.

Oh op I don’t know why people feel the need to be such arseholes. It’s really not up to them who are carers and who are not and more to the point, you didn’t ask about that!!
I just wanted to send solidarity - that sounds very hard. I have just me, my DS and DH to look after and feel like Cinderella. I can’t imagine the stress a sick elderly relative adds to that. You are absolutely free to have a moan - it all feels relentless sometimes. Try to take care of yourself too, I know it’s hard to find time and energy.

I also work with a young carers project and your son would meet the definition, I'm really sorry that you have looked here for support clearly in need and what you have got is a kicking about your son which is completely irrelevant to what you were asking, I'd just ignore any of those posts.

Caring for my DP is has been one of the most difficult things I have ever done, and I ran myself ragged with caring, work and looking after DC as well as my own life admin until I got cancer and realised that I wasn't doing anything hardly for myself having little relaxation time, and I was stuck in a stressed helpless state, which research shows is linked to higher rates of cancer and other illnesses. Don't be like me! You deserve to have your own life too. I have drawn back a bit but it's still really difficult because my mum refuses to have carers and there's no one else to deal with crises.

I'm not sure from your answers (sorry I have skimmed) whether you have been in touch with social services yourself. I'm not sure whether you can get a carers assessment that looks at your needs if your mum has one (it's not linked to carers allowance) but it's worth checking out. They talk about your needs and the cared for. There should also be a local charity Supporting carers who you can sound off to and he may have some useful suggestions for you.

Is it actually sustainable living with your nan, or would you be better moving out and then putting boundaries around what you can do? I can empathise, I find it really difficult, either I help out and am exhausted or I say no and feel terrible guilt, but I know I have to say no sometimes even though it's difficult.

Ah OP, so sorry your thread got hijacked by some.
It sounds relentless and you, your mum and your son are a credit to your family.
You should have got your moan without all the crap that got dished out.
Your nan is a lucky lady to gave such support. You're doing a good thing and it's tough. 💐

Urgh I've just seen you on the middle class help thread as well today, where you've felt the need to announce you've given up your £400 energy help payment as well.

Do you just go around preaching on every MN thread?

Oh flip I'm sorry your thread got derailed by some uninformed people who think they know best 🙄

Your 8yo is most definitely a young carer, credit to you for making sure he's aware of that and accessing services which are set up for young people in that situation. Others might not think they're right for their children but it's not even about privilege it's about young carers having an opportunity to understand they're not alone, have empathy and understanding from peers and access opportunities which might not otherwise be available to them (for fiscal or other reasons like time available to them from their parents due to caring responsibilities!).

Your situation sounds exhausting and a bit crap. Is any respite via SS an option? Or help in the home with some personal care or cleaning to take the load off you? 💚

What website? I didn't tell you who I worked for

You said you worked for the largest charity. I took that definition from the Carers Trust, whose list of a young carer is clear.

Because it's the law. Same way a sibling of a child with SEND is - it's one of the better things that has come out of recent years, recognising that children who don't have SEND of their own also have needs, vulnerabilities, disadvantages, adverse experiences and significant barriers to achieving their full potential just by virtue of being in a family where somebody has.

I do get the young carer label as it accesses services, though we refused to let dd2 go as she was privileged enough to have access to those things already, budgets are tight, we wanted services to go to young carers who actually are needing to provide care eg to a parent

I'm confused but this could be cleared up. I would need more clarity. But first, there.is no denying you are doing a lot for your grandmother so that is really admirable of you.

Does your mum live with you? If she does I understand why she gets the carers allowance but if she doesn't then why does your mum get it? It seems like you are doing the majority of the work, doing nights as well?
How do you afford to live if you don't get carers allowance or work?
Is your son's father around? Does he contribute?

I look for practical solutions and of course you are going to feel like Cinderella if you are not getting any support, financially or otherwise. It is unclear how you are supporting yourself and your son.

@Tipsyturvychocolatemonster you're just being a dick for the sake of it now. No engagement or understanding whatsoever of something that has been repeatedly explained to you.

Are you deliberately acting thick or is it just what you are? It has been explained many times on this thread what a young carer is. Why dont you pop off elsewhere and be thick and let op come back for the support she came for.

Op you have my sympathy, caring is hard.

You should have the allowance… you do the majority of the care and you can’t work because of it. Your mum could work because she is doing a couple of hours here and there. She goes home at night and can sleep through, doesn’t have the mental load of making meals, doctors appointments etc . Yes the wheels might fall off if she didn’t the bit she does - but there’s no bloody bus at all without you.

Your ds is a young carer, his life is directly impacted by living as he does .

Is there anyone else to help? Does your grandma have other children? Can you access respite care. if you don’t look after yourself, then the situation will end as you will put your ds first and move out and unless you shout this from the rooftop people snd Ss will let it continue

You have missed rhe point. The point is why is a little eight year old having to do this when the lady has two full time adult carers. The op doesn’t work. Her mum gets the allowance so is providing full time care, the op there as she doesn’t work so why is this little lad a carer.

we all know what it is, the question is why.

Anyways .... OP, I am glad your boy is getting some support. It seems really difficult and perhaps your local carers org can offer some more advice. They can advise you on benefits you may be able to claim or other help you can access. It does seem like you perhaps should be the one getting the carers allowance (little as it is), with your mum in more admin support role (which is obviously a huge responsibility, but perhaps less time consuming).

There has to be a way to make this a little easier for you.

What are you living on ? Why are you skint... has your nan had a care assessment and direct payments for her care needs and also attendance allowance?
If you weren't living there where would she be? Whats the plan when she passes?..
To get carers allowance you nedd to be providing 35hrs a week care...sk it would seem that should be paid to you really ...
Is there a local carer support group they maybe able to make sure you are all getting what you should.... including respite....even if you are rural

Its very hard work but sounds like you're not getting all the support you should...

Based on the definition below and OP mention that he helps Nan walk and gets her drinks, OP’s son counts as a young helper. And now the blitherers have run off another OP. Well bloody done.

What might a young carer do?

Practical tasks, like cooking, housework and shopping.
Physical care, such as helping someone out of bed.
Emotional support, including talking to someone who is distressed.
Personal care, such as helping someone dress.
Managing the family budget and collecting prescriptions.
Helping to give medicine.
Helping someone communicate.
Looking after brothers and sisters

My DS was classed as a young carer as his older sister was severely disabled. We never expected him to provide any care for his sister but that doesn't mean that his life wasn't massively impacted by the fact that I was a ft unpaid carer and that the needs and routines of the family had to revolve around his sister. We did our utmost to make sure he didn't miss out on stuff. Young carers organisations don't just help children who provide care for parents with disabilities or health needs. They often provide a club/activities so that the young person can meet with others who understand what life is like when it is restricted by caring duties.

The OP's son's life will most definitely be affected by his mother having to care for Nan. That makes him a young carer.

And yes OP being a carer is full on knackering whilst trying to juggle normal family life. I did it for 22 years so I've got the t-shirt!

What website? I didn't tell you who I worked for.
Why are you so adamant to define OPs child as NOT being a young carer. Why would you NOT want this boy to receive support? Weird. If local social services and his local carers service are ok with it, it sad that you are so hung up on precise definitions to deny him that. Sad.