Cockroach Cafe 🪳Autumn 2022 🪳

@Badger1970 - that sounds a very fitting plan for your father. I love the thought of the daffodils too.

Thanks @Mum5net. "keep warm and eat cake" is a perfect motto for the Cockroach Cafe, and a piece of advice I am fulfilling wholeheartedly.

Will think of you tomorrow @WordsWell done the minister, that's a big relief. Keep being kind to yourself.

@Badger1970 we're both too battle scarred to go through a funeral at the moment and doing it for family who weren't there for Dad when he needed them. Entirely get this. In November, my DSis and I just told our DB that a Direct cremation was happening for DM and didn't give him the opportunity to disagree.. DB absolutely insisted on a funeral for DF that wasn't DF's wishes and we were not going to give him the option to repeat. Be good to yourself, too. Keep warm and eat cake.

I hope it goes well @Words. My sister and I don't agree on much but we're both too battle scarred to go through a funeral at the moment and doing it for family who weren't there for Dad when he needed them. So we're having a direct cremation, and then having his ashes interred our Nan's grave in the village where he was born. We can then include immediate family, we both said it would be nice in the spring with the daffodils all out in the churchyard.

I know what you mean about the void, badger. I spent several decades sorting elder care with all its emotional and practical crises and stresses. My Dad was older than Mum, so it went in sequence. It's strange that that responsibility is now gone.

Everything is just about ready for the funeral tomorrow. I have just read the eulogy written by the minister from info supplied by me. He has done a marvellous job based on info I supplied. I wrote and delivered Dad's, but this was no easy task, hence the outsourcing.

I feel immensely relieved.

sorry for your loss badgerxx

Sorry for your loss @Badger1970 x

This is so true. For the last 5 months, our every thought has been related to Dad's care/wellbeing and suddenly there is this huge black void. It feels mad to say that I think I feel a bit shellshocked that we're here, that's it, all over.

Thank you all, it's been so comforting to share among others who are treading the same road.

Sorry, @Badger1970 💐

@Badger1970.

I am so very sorry . Take care xx

@Badger1970 so sorry for your loss, sending love Xxx

I’m so sorry @Badger1970 Thinking of you🌺🌺

So sorry @Badger1970

So sorry for your loss @Badger1970 remember your lovely dad in the many good times you had together.

I'm really sorry @Badger1970

I didn't really realise how my life was wrappped around mum's needs until it wasn't any more

So sorry to read your news, Badger. We're never ready for the end, even when we expect it, not really.

@Badger1970 So sorry to read this. Sending you condolences. Be very kind to yourself, you must be exhausted.

@DahliasDelight I agree, call now. There should be a duty desk 7 days a week. Admittedly if there's no immediate crisis they may bump it, but at least you've started the process.

Would he wear a pendant alarm, did they get that in place at least?

Oh @Badger1970. I'm so sorry.

@Badger1970 so sorry, sending love and best wishes.

@DahliasDelight it depends very much on your local area I think. Was speaking to a friend this week who was dealing with an elderly relative just discharged from hospital and not coping. They got a same day visit from the care assessors and by the evening was in a respite care home. I think the key is to emphasise your concerns about an unsafe discharge from hospital and the fall risk. Does your dads local authority have an out of hours number for the adult social services - do you have to wait until Monday? Also, how long is it since he came out of hospital, is there any paperwork with support phone numbers in there?

I’m sorry @Badger1970 for your loss.

Hi, newbie here, although have been reading the words of wisdom shared on these pages and forum for a while. DF has been relatively ‘independent’ up until the last few months, this has been fine whilst he could manage (in a limited way), but a recent hospitalisation has led to a rapid decline in mobility and now a fall this week. He lives alone with no support and up until now has been very resistant in asking for or acknowledging that he needs help. I live at the other end of the country from him and my sibling is overseas and the constant worry / emergency visits home are taking their toll. I have school aged children so I can’t stay with DF indefinitely. The discharge support from hospital was minimal and DF downplayed needing any assistance so he was discharged from them and now can barely get up the stairs and I am very worried about another fall. I will get onto social services on Monday, but worried about how long it could possibly take to get an assessment done and how we’re going to manage in the meantime.

Sorry to all of you going through challenges, it really is so tough.

My lovely Dad slipped away quietly yesterday, minutes after I'd left him. I went straight back and sat with him afterwards as I think I needed to see him to know he'd gone. A savage end for a quiet and gentle man.

I can't believe how bleak everything feels today.

Hello everyone, cockroach all, and warm thoughts, and to all who need them.

Yesterday was so much better. The ice has been replaced by thick fog, and I still got lost in the dystopian hinterland of Horrid Town, but it didn't matter so much somehow this time. Natwest very efficient. Hotel now booked for afterwards.

Alongside the government'Tell us Once' service there is a similar thing for some ( not all) banks called the death notification service. You register with them, they then contact the individual institutions who then contact you to tell you what to do next, because as we know, each place has slightly different requirements. I won't be using this myself but I thought I would mention it for anyone's future reference.

Today it's the minister about the service, and the home if I feel up to it. I have decided on the music and the hymns, and am going to insist on King James's Bible, as the language is so beautiful. I will probably leave the minister to do the eulogy.

Hope your day isn't too rough. I'm lucky that my boss was very understanding when dad died and just said to drop him a text and leave my laptop if I needed too. His mum died a few days before dad so we were having similar trials.
Thanks for the info re funeral costs. MIL is with NatWest and DH found them difficult over the POA so that's reassuring.