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Elderly parents
Original poster

Cockroach Cafe 🪳Autumn 2022 🪳

989 replies

MereDintofPandiculation · 25/09/2022 19:58

Welcome! I’ve taken advantage of the relative quietness recently to have a good “spring” clean. And also install solar panels and get in a good supply of logs for the stove.

Come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or to ask a small question that doesn't warrant its own thread. Or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So 🪳 mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

OP posts:
Chevyimpala67 · 26/09/2022 17:24

...oh...and moving mum from her home of 50 years during that time too! 😬😵‍💫🙄😰

Chevyimpala67 · 26/09/2022 17:23

Tupperwarelid · 26/09/2022 17:17

@Chevyimpala67 i know exactly what you mean. Both my DH and I are in our 50s with all parents still alive and a 16 and 14 year old. It’s tough and I’m constantly exhausted. You have my sympathies.

I have a 19 and 14 year old. The gcse treadmill starts again here in January :(
Getting ds1 through his a levels during covid was very stressful.
19 year old is at university but still at home.
They are great kids (I'm biased 😉) but they aren't getting the best of me, for sure 😞

Chevyimpala67 · 26/09/2022 17:21

Tupperwarelid · 26/09/2022 17:17

@Chevyimpala67 i know exactly what you mean. Both my DH and I are in our 50s with all parents still alive and a 16 and 14 year old. It’s tough and I’m constantly exhausted. You have my sympathies.

Thank you x
It's tough, isn't it?
Its even harder when the elderly in question don't really have any quality of life/enjoyment.
It all just feels blerugh

Tupperwarelid · 26/09/2022 17:17

@Chevyimpala67 i know exactly what you mean. Both my DH and I are in our 50s with all parents still alive and a 16 and 14 year old. It’s tough and I’m constantly exhausted. You have my sympathies.

Chevyimpala67 · 26/09/2022 17:01

thesandwich · 26/09/2022 16:54

@Chevyimpala67 I hear you …. Welcome, rant away, there’s room for all here.
hope tomorrow is useful.

Hi @thesandwich 👋
Hope you're OK?
X

thesandwich · 26/09/2022 16:54

@Chevyimpala67 I hear you …. Welcome, rant away, there’s room for all here.
hope tomorrow is useful.

Chevyimpala67 · 26/09/2022 16:45

Hello all 👋
Hope you're all ok?
After some months of me gently mentioning mums hand tremors - snd her shirting me down immediately - she has asked me to get her an appointment to see tye Dr tomorrow.
I think she has parkinsons.
Whilst I'm glad she's accepting she has (another) issue I'm also worried.
She's lost even more weight. Her legs are like sticks.
My siblings are being as helpful as ever (bitter laughter...)
I'm 50 in a couple of weeks and feel utterly trapped between the needs of my dh and dc and mum.
I hope you'll all "get" what I'm about to say...(apologies if you're offended)
My parents had lost all their parents by the time they were 30 (both youngest children of large families..) so got to enjoy their children's childhood.
No looking after older family with significant health issues.
My pils are the same. All their parents gone by the time they were 35.
So they don't really understand the stress/difficulties that I am going through.
Not that they'd care tbh.
I'm totally fed up.
It's just going to get worse and worse
(Moan, moan,moan....)

Lightuptheroom · 26/09/2022 16:07

@dementedma my dad has no feeling at all in his fingers, his catheter is supplied by 'great bear' and is a lever you push up to empty and push down to close, a bit like a lever tap. Everything else to do with the catheter is handled by the district nurses.

Fantasea · 26/09/2022 12:33

@MereDintofPandiculation thank you for the new thread.

@dementedma so sorry to hear about your DM's incontinence, it must be miserable for her.

thesandwich · 26/09/2022 12:02

Thanks for the new shiny thread@MereDintofPandiculation
dms carers use puppy pads in her bed, and she has an air cushion the district nurse suggested. Also barrier creams prescribed.
I haven’t questioned too closely 🫣

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 26/09/2022 10:01

Could she have a catheter and have it changed by the district nurses? I guess the problem is managing the fiddly tap to empty the bag …. Hmmm, I wonder if there exists, or one could make, a handle to slip over the tap and open it, or use something that would give more grip.

OP posts:
BestIsWest · 26/09/2022 03:24

Your poor DM. Watching with interest as mine is beginning to have similar problems and complaining about soreness. Wish I had advice for you.

OnthePiste · 25/09/2022 20:17

dementedma · 25/09/2022 20:07

Help. 87 year old mum lives alone and manages reasonably well but cant go out due to poor balance and has other various age related problems. However the thing that is driving her into an ever deeper depression and suicidal thoughts is incontinence. Doctors and hospital say there is nothing they can do ( catheter suggested but she cant manage that due to arthritic hands etc). Constantly wetting bed at night despite enormous pads, padded pants etc etc. Have mattress covers etc but it is driving her mad, tearful,stressed etc. She "floods" when she stands up,sresses about being smelly. Her skin is red and painful despite Sudocrem, changing often,tried every pad under the sun etc. She sits crying because she doesnt want to go on any more. Anyone any new ideas? ( tried all the obvious stuff)

Oh gosh how awful for your DM, I do feel for her. I assume she is under the incontinence team and has been referred to Urology? Could she have a catheter and have it changed by the district nurses? Not ideal but got to be better than the state she is in now.

dementedma · 25/09/2022 20:07

Help. 87 year old mum lives alone and manages reasonably well but cant go out due to poor balance and has other various age related problems. However the thing that is driving her into an ever deeper depression and suicidal thoughts is incontinence. Doctors and hospital say there is nothing they can do ( catheter suggested but she cant manage that due to arthritic hands etc). Constantly wetting bed at night despite enormous pads, padded pants etc etc. Have mattress covers etc but it is driving her mad, tearful,stressed etc. She "floods" when she stands up,sresses about being smelly. Her skin is red and painful despite Sudocrem, changing often,tried every pad under the sun etc. She sits crying because she doesnt want to go on any more. Anyone any new ideas? ( tried all the obvious stuff)