Cockroach Cafe 🪳Autumn 2022 🪳

Oh I didn't know BG had a vulnerable customers list (despite using the word myself above), that's interesting.

Would it be worth asking British Gas to put her on their vulnerable customer list?

@PermanentTemporary that's a good suggestion about a thermometer, I'll investigate that. I'm just a bit wary of British Gas as the engineer who came out Monday was quite happy to make an appointment for a quote for a new boiler despite the current one functioning perfectly well and not old. We wouldn't have known if DB had happened to phone her while she still remembered, it didn't get a mention when I phoned a couple of hours later.

@Countrygirl is there any value in putting up a wall thermometer that you can monitor remotely, separately from the thermostat? Then at least you would know what the temperature is?

Tbh I would let British Gas take the strain on this occasion. She's a customer and no doubt paying them a lot of money, it's up to them how they manage multiple callouts from vulnerable customers.

@MereDintofPandiculation yes I know. But she has, say £120,000 in one,£95,000 in another, £500 in one, £2400 in another, £11000 in yet another. I’ve also just found another two (so we’re up to seven now) but I’m not doing anything with those until Monday.

🌺🌺@MrsSchadenfreude so sorry you’ve got to go through all this.

Oh @MrsSchadenfreude, I'm sorry . Thanks for the tip. My DF died last year, he was obsessive about filing things and the admin was still awful. My DM is the complete opposite so goodness knows what pickles I'll be dealing with one day 😬
Try gin!

Still having a nightmare with my Mum.
Me and DB have taken all her money.
Nobody ever visits or asks where she wants to live.
She’s going to get a job at the local bakery.
She want to go to another care home as the food is dreadful.
She got a taxi to her home and managed perfect well.

On a positive note - she’s been granted attendance allowance.

I’ve posted on here intermittently. My Mum died a few weeks ago. I am an only child and am having to deal with the huge financial mess she has left behind. While she kept every piece of paper that came into the house, she dealt with it by just shoving it all into a cupboard. I’m up to five bank accounts discovered so far, with varying amounts of money in, from £2000 to over £100,000. That’s not counting the ISAs, bonds, shares and premium bonds.

Please, for the love of God, ask your parents to put all their money in one or two accounts. And better still, spend it while they are alive. I knew my Mum had a very small pension, and thought she didn’t have much money, as she said she couldn’t afford to pay for a cleaner, taxis etc. I wish she had just spent it on lovely holidays and making her life a bit easier.

Mum has called British Gas out again. 2nd time this week, third time since early October and I've stopped her on another occasion. The problem is she thinks the boiler isn't working when it switches off because the thermostat temperature has been reached then fiddles with the controls. I have no idea what to do now.
We thought of putting a box over the controls but she had such a tantrum at the suggestion that I think she would take a heavy implement to it to get to the controls and cause more damage.
I thought of WiFi based controls so we could check/sort remotely but a friend in that business said from his experience someone like my mum is likely to wreck one of those beyond reinstatement unless we put a plastic box over so back to the same problem for more £.
I'm now refusing to go up when she says her heating isn't working because I walk into a house heated to tropical temperatures (the thermostat will be at at 26 or 28) and by the time I've driven there and back and stopped for a cup of tea it's the best part of 3 hours gone.

It's so hard, absolutely. But breathlessness is one of the key miserable symptoms that the palliative care team are there to try and help with. I really hope she gets some relief x

Hello - I’ve peeked into this cafe many times but now feel that I should pull up a chair and settle in.

Mum is 92. She’s lived with us for 19 years, helping look after our boys in the early years but now she is the one to need our care. She is still very lucid in her waking hours but they are few and diminishing each day.

She was in hospital two weeks ago with what turned out to be a heart attack and ongoing aortic stenosis/heart failure. As as result she is very breathless and utterly miserable. The GP has referred her to the palliative care team so we will see what they can offer. At the moment my husband and I are providing all her care - we had carers coming in but the timings never worked so we cancelled them. Luckily we both WFH and have understanding employers but I don’t know how far that will stretch.

Mum is clear that she wants to ‘fade away’ and while it’s upsetting I understand her choice. We just don’t know quite how things will unfold in the coming weeks and that uncertainty is difficult to handle. Yet in many ways we are fortunate that she is lucid and that her living environment here is already adapted to deal with some of her needs.

Anyway, I look forward to hearing from others in the cafe and learning from the knowledgeable folk in here.

@Badger1970 that’s really tough. Sobering indeed. Good though that you have clarity. . People act differently in a crisis.

@chesterelly1 I'm sure they told you at the hospital how contagious C Diff is - when residents had it in the nursing home we had to barrier nurse them (gloves and aprons) until they were symptom free and that could often take weeks. You really need to watch their hydration levels too if the diarrhoea is still active.

I had a sobering chat with palliative care today as the medication Dad's on isn't really helping and is just putting more strain on his liver. They gently asked if it's time to focus less on symptom management when nothing appears to be working and focus on pain management instead. My sister isn't having a bar of it and thinks Dad is doing well I'm honestly struggling to know if she's as simple as she's making out she is or it's more LALALA fingers in the ears CAN'T HEAR YOU. I've had an awful week at work, and just feel wrung out.

I have collected DF from hospital, stopped to collect some shopping on way back. He sat in car, wasn't able to come in with me. But he's home so happy with himself. I'll pop in in morning but rest of my day is already allotted to various activities with dc, which I am determined not to change.
Meanwhile DH is in admissions with his DF waiting for transfer to a ward, it's only been 4hrs so far. Honestly you couldn't make it up!

Oh @chesterelly1 thats awful. And to hear that from your df…. Words fail me.
sending gin.🌺
@MereDintofPandiculation how funny.

Oh I'm at the end of my rope. Dad was not discharged on Tuesday although he was doing all he could to convince them he was ready. He fell during that night in his hospital room and split his head. I heard nothing until I was on my way to visit when I got a call from a nurse to ask if I knew about the fall and that he was being discharged. When I got in I spoke to her and the junior doctor who swallowed his bullshit (apologies for the language) about having a daily cleaner/carer (he doesn't he has a cleaner for 1.5hrs twice a week, no care), that he is still driving, doing his own shopping and cooking etc. probably even a month ago that was true but he has declined so rapidly it is definitely not the case now. So jar doc reevaluated his decision and decided to get occ health to assess him in hospital and at home. This should have happened yesterday but for unknown reason delayed until today. Well Wednesday I was the absolute worst, he was furious that I had said my piece and not just rolled with it to get him home. I saw the DF of my younger days who was abusive and controlling, it actually really scared me. I explained that the priority was him being well enough for chemo and going home before he was ready to potentially fall again was just going to delay that. Then I left.
This morning he must've pocket dialled when OH were in and I have overheard him saying he'll definitely be in his own bed tonight, him saying I don't want him, I don't support him, I want him in hospital so I don't have to bother then her saying I have no rights as long as he's deemed to have capacity. I mean, she's not wrong, but why not just say "she wants to know you're as safe as possible".
The poor nurse who just phoned to ask if I can collect him has just had a full and frank précis from my side.

OMG what a shock

😮 😁

🤣🤣

@Badger1970 I'm so pleased you have some help. Eventually an nhs carer visited DM each morning which was what we needed. We didn't know they were coming - just turned up. I've now managed to get a private care company in each morning which is great. DF is now home from hospital and able to rest.

DM had her hip replacement op on Saturday after having it cancelled twice. She seems quite chipper considering and says she the pain is less already so that's good news. DF is in a home for 5 weeks respite care, he is doing ok although a little bit confused and seems to think he is either in a hotel or an a cruise ship.

I had secretly hoped that DM might get used to the idea of him being in a home and he could stay there but she was talking about the hospital bed she had and how she would like one for DF as it would be easier to get him in and out. I've also booked theatre tickets for us for next September and she is worrying about who will look after him while we are there, I asked if she thought he would still be at home in September and she was very non-committal. I'm not saying anything else about it as I know it will come back to bite me.