Cockroach Cafe 🪳Autumn 2022 🪳

@Mum5net what a beautiful post. I too am sorry for your loss. I am sure you will celebrate her life fittingly. 🌺🌺

@Mum5net May you have the time now to dwell on your good memories of your mother, the richness of her life and not just the final years.

@Mum5net what a lovely kind way for your DM to go - I'm so sorry for your loss. The best we can hope for anyone we love is a peaceful calm journey.

Oh @Mum5net what a moving and uplifting post and what a tribute to your mum's spirit and resilience you are.

Be kind to yourself over the days and weeks ahead. Even though you are relieved that she is at peace it is a difficult time.

Mum5net Condolences on your loss. In terms of the practicalities, it's such a relief when they go okay.

That sounds like an excellent plan re matching whisky cartons. I will think of your folks next time I have a glass. You must be still in shock, I guess? Much love to you . Share whatever you want to share of course.

Rather surreal last two days. My little DM (91) died in an ambulance just before 04.00am, Tuesday. It was v rapid. She had been fine at bedtime. But it was absolutely the right time to go and I feel nothing but love for her and relief for me.
The chain of events in the previous 45 mins were unscripted with a literally a last gasp change to our version of Operation London Bridge. Operation Kingston Bridge -Mark II turned out to be remarkably positive and uplifting.
DM picked a night when there were only 3 people at A&E when she was received, no queues of ambulances and a very loving and attentive nhs team to send her on her way. I'm still to see the care home crew in person, but they too were spared the soon-to-be feeding tubes and bedside vigil.
Remarkably, within 30 hours, I had DM's death certificate and Form 14.
DM is likely to get booked in next week for a direct cremation. The funeral team will put DM in a similar style whisky carton to the one DF has so they can be matching, I just have to bring a photo of DF in his present form. Family now planning a DM themed party in her honour.👑Fifteen years of dementia has curtailed the parties somewhat, but looking forward to celebrating the little golden gem of a mum which was always hidden inside.

thanks emmaagain😍

How's everyone today?
Brought mum back from respite care. Quite alarming to see her wobble around.

I still think she needs to be treated for a couple of things that doctors are ignoring and thinking of as heart related.

Going to be a tough couple of weeks I think.

One of the catering staff was really upset to see her go, and I took a shine to one of the carers. But I bet that happens a lot in that environment. I think the catering lady thought mum was like her grandma as she talked about her gran a lot.

💐 to everyone having a tough time

Hi orange
So sorry.
I don't want to get old either.

Can I join in please
My mum was admitted to a care home last week.
Sadly she is declining quickly. She has alzheimer's and vascular dementia. She currently cries to come home which is just not possible. She has very limited mobility as is forgetting how to walk. She is doubly incontinent and cant remember things from 5 minutes to the next. Her speech is also now affected so very difficult to understand. She just about knows who my sister and I are
She is 80 and 18 months ago there was nothing wrong !! Dementia is awful. I dont want to get old

Permanent I absolutely hear that.

Born I wish I knew how to develop a thick skin too.

Badger yes, it's a strange business. I know of two people who died of liver cancer, one was fine till the end and the other much like your dad.

I had a strange phone call from the local busybody - well intentioned chap though - he was looking to speak to mum about a local issue. Or non-issue, in her view, lol.

I explained that she was declining and he got really down. I suppose for him, she was an example of an older person doing fine, now suddenly not.

Dad's continuing to decline with his liver cancer. He took a tumble at the weekend, so palliative care are now requesting more care visits for toiletting. He's barely eating or drinking, and just looks so sad. He's using the Oramorph daily. It breaks my heart every time I leave him. I'm torn between wanting his pain to end, and being unable to imagine life without him

Mums care home just rang as she was upset and wanted to speak to me.
She feels abandoned and like a lost child.

Someone told her I wasn’t her daughter and that’s upset her.

My brother hasn’t been for weeks - we were both there together on Sunday.

She would run away if it was summer.

She’s going to have to get a job - she’s 90.

I’m trying to negotiate buying the top floor of the care home and rent it out.

I’m mentally drained but going to see her tomorrow (I live 50 miles away so can’t just pop in) and I just know it’s going to be awful.

How do I develop a thick skin 😪

My mum has a UTI again, six days after the last one. She seemed ok when I saw her on Sunday, but as ever she can't say much, perhaps a bit less this time. They gave her a short course of antibiotics last time... probably yet another one now...

I wish wish wish she was dead. I will greet that day with joy. She deserves so much better than this being handled from chair to toilet to bed in a nappy.

How's everyone?

mum's home from respite care tomorrow. I think she's got a cold which I will almost certainly have got. My sister is no longer able to do the weekend - possibly an excuse but not sure.

so I may be on the verge of being mum's live in carer. Could work well or could be awful. Nervous!

Thank you
rang up for the form today

feels like strange days. Will take getting used to, both for her when she gets home and me if/when I leave her alone for the day or night. My sister will be here at the weekend so I do get a break.

Re the six months, we're not asking for it to be backdated though so it seems odd. They think she had a stroke so there is a difference between now and six months ago.

is there something else we should claim for instead? Social Services said it will be one to three months before they assess her. The hospital wrote on the discharge note that I live with her, which I don't - but I presume they did that to get rid of her.

we will be honest on the form and see how it goes. There was a marked deterioration after her fall in March and me and the neighbours have helped for ages. We can only try. If it doesn't go through, then I guess in another six months it might be worth filling in again. I asked her to apply for it ages ago but understandably, she doesn't want to take money that she doesn't need. She's only become willing now because she realises the deficits from this fall are permanent.

Okay, thank you
the form looks quite straightforward apart from that bit.

@EmmaAgain22 thats where cab etc can help re the wording. V worthwhile seeking advice.

Sorry, re the AA forms

some of the needs have existed for 6 months but not all. Does that mean a flat rejection? Seems odd, that 6 months.

My dad has got 36 😱 he's proud of the fact 😏🥺

Thank you sandwich and hairbrush

I will call up for the forms on Monday. Do they come round and see the person?