Cockroach Cafe 🪳Autumn 2022 🪳

Oh @PermanentTemporary sending a big hug. 🌺🌺

Feeling judged by the nursing home, I suppose because I feel guilty. I booked in to spend Christmas Eve with DM and got 'are you coming alone?' 'Are you booking in any other visits at Christmas?'

Almost wanting to write to them and list all the reasons why it's just me visiting for just one day. But that won't change their views one bit. I know the guilt is because I don't think it's enough either. But it will have to do.

Just a quick update from me. My DF's new home visited today and said they will be able to care with him. He is moving in next Tuesday. DM is upset at the moment but I hope she will see it's for the best in time. I feel relieved. I'm going with her to help move him in next week.

Thanks Cockroach that is helpful.

My mum gave me her car when she made the very wise decision to stop driving. I found it much easier than I anticipated; I was going to do the filling in the log book slip of paper thing and then send it to DVLA but then discovered I could do it online and that was very very straightforward. I explained to her what I was doing and she was happy with that, no PoA or signature needed. I also phoned the insurance company but got her to tell them I had permission to deal with them, they got a good amount back as refund for months not used which pleased my dad (they were paying 4x what I subsequently paid for insurance!).

You just need details of the buyer to fill in the relevant bits online. I seem to remember there was a reference number on the V5C/log book to put on the online form. Sorry I'm a bit vague, it's all rather hazy in my mind, I was dealing with a few things at the time and this was one of the easier tasks!

Good luck 😀

Weird question to post here but just in case...

Mum has had a good offer to buy her car. She doesn't feel able to do paperwork though.

Do I just literally fill in the green bit of the log book and am I allowed to sign it? She can sign it, I guess. I'm at my place at the moment so don't know what the paperwork looks like.

Also, I gather we have to let DVLA know in order to get the tax back, but she doesn't do anything online. Does anyone know if it's all right for me to do that for her or will it start the nightmare of sending in proof of PofA?

Thanks.

chester how old is your dad if you don't mind me asking?
my dad clung to life like you wouldn't believe...but that was after agreeing to a DNR.

I haven't got many friends but one of them is very much minimising what's been going on with mum. I don't bang on about it, but this is the first time, when mum's had an issue, that my friend isn't asking after her. It's also by far the most serious incident there's been with mum, so it just surprised me a bit.

Perhaps it's part of the "everyone has enough to cope with" thing.

Yes DF lives alone, two storey house, no adaptations or aids. He's still in HDU but managed to phone me to ask for a newspaper. Of course when I got there he's in no fit state to sit up and read it. At least I did what I was told and I sat and read the headlines out and showed him a couple of photos that I knew would interest him. It sounds like a doctor attempted to have the DNR chat with him. He was most indignant because he just wants to live. I know from others on here what he really means is he wants to live the life he had 5 years ago, no thought to what his life would be now.
Meanwhile FIL has moved to smaller community hospital while we wait for place in care home. He seems totally at peace with the concept of DNR. DH says he is institutionalised already, no spark or desire to do anything other than sit and let everyone do for him.
There's a whole vast middle ground and neither of them are venturing there.

chester is your DF living alone? So worrying when they refuse to go to hospital - though in mum's defence, she's done that twice and been fine. Probably recovered better and faster than if she'd gone to hospital.

Badger glad they have started him on a sedative.

@Badger1970 and @chesterelly1 hope you both get a long lie knowing they are safe.

@Badger1970 you must be exhausted, sending love Xxx

Yes Dad is on a mild sedative and I'm hoping that the hospice will increase this. They wanted Dad to settle over the weekend before medication reviews as they want him to be relaxed.

Badger I totally get that feeling.
Thought DF had got over his C Diff remarkably well and his scans showed mid way through chemo were good news. However in last couple of days he has been having dizzy spells and another fall. GP checked blood pressure which was through floor and because DF said there and then that he would not entertain any suggestion of hospital, arranged a blood transfusion as a day patient on Monday. However this morning when I popped in he had been up all night with d&v so through his cancer helpline it was arranged for him to be admitted. He has been diagnosed with sepsis and is currently being transferred to High Dependency. He's getting blood, fluids, antibiotics and they've had to insert a catheter as he couldn't pass urine. I'm just waiting to get called through to say goodnight and I'm going to leave him in their safe hands.
The day he came out of hospital last time FIL was admitted with an infection, exacerbating the pulmonary fibrosis. He has no drive to get better and despite working with physios and occupational health has admitted to DH that even with carers he won't feel safe and doesn't want to be in his own flat, even if nearer us. We've been able to pull out of the flat purchase and DH is currently touring nursing homes near us. Hospital have been a bit arsey about liaison with social care in our region instead of where they are and where FIL currently lives. But he finally has a social worker and there's a meeting set up for next week.
Sorry I don't post often but when I do it's an essay. In the meantime I'm reading all the updates from my fellow cockroaches and sending you strength. The knowledge gained here has been invaluable

Badger yes, I remember the relief when dad got a hospice bed.

in the hospital, I had to ask for dad to be given a sedative but hopefully the hospice will be better about that kind of thing?

Thank you all.

He's very confused and agitated as his liver is failing and the toxins are flooding his blood stream. It's all just completely shit really, but the hospice bed is such a gift. I don't think I've ever been more grateful for anything in my life.

@Badger1970 sending a hug and best wishes for you all x

@Badger1970 sending more hugs and gin

Oh Badger big hugs if you want them.

How is he at present?

@Mum5net that sounds a lovely farewell for your DM. I'm heading that way for my Dad if my sister agrees.

My Dad went into a hospice today. I got a phone call at 7am to say a bed was available. I'm hoping they will keep him there, as he's so frail but I'm equally worried they're going to suggest a nursing home. The Palliative care team did say weeks left... so I'm hoping that they will be able to keep him there. Fingers crossed he's settled this evening - I spent nearly 6 hours there settling him and filling in paperwork until they booted me out and said they're in control and to go home now and rest.

I cried all the way home just because he's safe and it's an overwhelming feeling after weeks of worry.

MissM oh lordy. Does your sis live with your mum?

I hope you feel better asap.

DM is in hospital. She woke DSis at middle of night on Thurs saying she'd got pains in her chest, couldn't breath, pain in left arm. Paramedics came straight away. DSis followed ambulance & by the time she'd parked & found her way to resus all the pains were gone, Sat's normal, ecg fine. They've admitted DM anyway because they want to get to bottom of what it was.

DS suspects a panic attack. I agree. I've had the respiratory bug that's going round & it also gave me horrible vomiting too, so I've not visited her for a week.
DM gets very agitated when get ill & don't go & see her. I'm sure it's related to that.

She works herself up into a silly state. I don't know what I can do about it - if I'm ill she has anxiety attacks & sits around crying & I really think this time it's culminated in a full blown panic attack. I have to pretend not to be ill, which is a ridiculous situation to be in.

Glad it wasn't so bad Mum5net

Mum is much better. I just hope it lasts till the end this time.

Actually no spinning fortunately. I’ve posted detail about direct because I think it’s such an unknown option and that for many- not all- it’s the route to be aware about.
My DSis and I had been dreading this week for years. But it wasn’t nearly as bad.
Hope all is going reasonably for everyone especially @EmmaAgain22

Mum5net
May she rest in peace.

how are you feeling?

It can be strange when someone goes and the world spins madly on.

So our direct cremation went brilliantly. We were able to specify the crematorium DM attended which happens to be adjacent to the park I walk DDog every morning. My DSis, DH, DDog and I were there to see DM arrive in a hearse and then her team of 3 undertakers transfer her to a trolley. DSis walked forward and put a single rose on DM and then DM was taken inside. We said farewell and walked home through the park. At the bridge over the river a kingfisher appeared close by. It pulled a fish from the river, ate it and flew off.