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Elderly parents
Original poster

Any idea what IV morphine feels like? I didn't call him and now it's too late...

33 replies

Alcemeg · 17/09/2022 16:23

I feel a bit silly writing this but since dad died recently I'm tormented by one thought. My head tells me it's irrational, but still I keep worrying about it.

He went into a care home with dementia and declined fairly rapidly as various age-related problems (gradual organ failure) got the better of him. During that time, I visited him weekly and told him how much I loved him. The great thing is that I knew he knew it, and we had lots of hugs, and he told me how much he loved me, and I knew he knew that I knew that... etc etc, you get the picture!

However, I was abroad on holiday when he finally died. He'd been started on IV morphine as part of the end-of-life care pathway, and was unresponsive for a day or so before drawing his last breath.

I kept wondering if it would make any difference to phone him up and just say a few words (with someone else holding the phone, obviously; and not expecting any response from him!). I didn't, because I felt we'd already said all our goodbyes, etc etc etc...

But knowing what joy it used to bring him to hear my voice on the phone, now that he's gone I keep fretting over whether I should just have made that call. What if he was lonely and wondering if I'd forgotten him? What if my voice could have given him some reassurance right towards the end?

I keep telling myself that IV morphine is a strong drug and he was probably floating on happy clouds at the time. Can anyone reassure me? Sorry to sound like a little girl, I just feel like one all of a sudden.

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SleepingAgent · 18/09/2022 18:36

embolass · 17/09/2022 16:42

Nurse here who has cared for many patients at the end of their life many on morphine. Do not worry, he will have been deeply unconscious, settled and calm. It would have made you feel better to speak to him but he won’t have been wondering where you were etc. It is lovely you had those special days with him, remember those and he will have felt your love then. It is such a cruel disease and often harder on the family than the person themselves. Give yourself credit for being there for him, whilst he was deteriorating. Total respect as it is one of the hardest things in life to do - now to take care of you as he would want x

What a lovely post.

Original poster
Alcemeg · 18/09/2022 18:17

Thank you @GobbolinoTheWitchesCat ... your username was my favourite book as a child. My mum had to confiscate it eventually, though, because I couldn't read it without crying 😂

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GobbolinoTheWitchesCat · 18/09/2022 17:56

Sending you my thoughts, op, I'm so pleased this thread has helped you Flowers

Original poster
Alcemeg · 18/09/2022 17:18

Everyone's comment have helped, I'm so grateful. I honestly started to think I might spend the rest of my life fretting about this "one big regret" and now I can see that letting go of someone happens in stages, and we did it nicely.

It's an enormous relief to know that feelings such as anxiety and loneliness are unlikely to have been part of his repertoire on that cocktail of EOL drugs!

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LondonQueen · 18/09/2022 10:08

A very happy cloud, you look like you're asleep but you can hear everything around you. It was a very nice feeling, and all my pain had gone.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 18/09/2022 09:47

My dad was on a morphine driver at the very end of his life. He was in palliative care in his own room so we had been with him pretty much all of the weekend. He couldn't really talk but we had a cd player with some of his favourite music on in the background as the family came to say goodbye.

Even at times when he appeared to be asleep - eyes closed, breathing softly - when one of his favourites came on his foot would start to tap along. He couldn't talk - just make vowel sounds really - but would respond appropriately when we told him we loved him.

Before the doctor came to put the morphine driver in we prayed together and he whispered "Amen" and I quoted one of the family silly phrases which ends "Stand at ease!" But I left a gap after "stand at" and he whispered "eeees".

Instead of "I love you" we would always say "Wuv oo" and "Wuv oo too". When the driver went in I said "Wuv oo" and he replied "oo oo" then fell asleep almost instantly and was totally unresponsive after that. No response to music, talking, something being dropped in the corridor - just sound asleep.

And that is the way he stayed until the end the next day. He was completely at peace.

Your posts show how very much you loved your dad. Please be comforted by the experiences that people have shared about how peaceful the morphine makes you feel.
.

HangingOver · 18/09/2022 09:09

Actually I've had medazolam for awake surgery and the room could have been on fire and I could have been on fire and I would not have cared. You literally cannot be unhappy or anxious on it. It's like one big "Mmmmmmm".

dropthevipers · 17/09/2022 18:09

Broke my back in a climbing accident(full recovery) and had it then. Fucking lovely-you still feel the pain but it's in another room where it does not bother you. I can see why people become drug addicts-nothing matters any more

Original poster
Alcemeg · 17/09/2022 17:58

neither of you in any doubt of your love. How many people achieve this? Not many.

Thank you so much @SummerHouse , funnily enough we both said this to each other the last time I visited him. He was mostly incoherent at that stage and yet we still somehow managed conversations like this, which I think is definitely a big hurraaaaaah.

Thanks to all PPs for helping to list this weight off my shoulders, I am now planning one heck of a funeral speech!

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train84 · 17/09/2022 17:56

Yeah I've had IV morphine before and I don't remember anything! I was completely in the clouds! My husband said I was staring into space, occasionally laughing- don't remember at all, and I imagine your dad would have been on a higher dose than I was! I promise you, this is something you really mustn't worry about. Focus on all the lovely things you said to each other because that's what matters. So sorry for your loss

SummerHouse · 17/09/2022 17:36

He will have been half way to heaven on iv morphine. You did a fantastic job when needed, neither of you in any doubt of your love. How many people achieve this? Not many. You did the right thing not calling as your goodbyes were said. I think there are always some "what if's" - it's a very natural stage of grief. But you will make absolute peace with this because you did a good job, you loved him and he loved you, and peace is what he would want for you. Speak at his funeral and be flipping proud of yourself. ❤️

Mommabear20 · 17/09/2022 17:33

Not IV, but my grandad had liquid morphine to take orally, and was completely knocked out after taking it so I assume it's very similar. He didn't know if we were there or not till it wore off.

AliceinDunderland · 17/09/2022 17:33

Morphine's amazing, takes all your pain away and you feel like you are floating on a cloud. I had to have four doses once when I was rushed to A and E. I'm so sorry for your loss, I'm sure he was comfortable with no pain

Original poster
Alcemeg · 17/09/2022 17:21

I'm so glad I posted this thread, I thought nothing could ever reassure me but all your comments have helped me enormously. I might even be able to say a few words at his funeral now without having hysterics about what a bad daughter I've been!!!

Thanks to everyone who has taken the trouble to reply.

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Wolfiefan · 17/09/2022 17:20

My daughter had morphine. She went from off the scale pain with appendicitis to totally chilled out and floating on that happy cloud. She was so peaceful and calm.
So sorry for your loss.

Original poster
Alcemeg · 17/09/2022 17:19

londonlass71 · 17/09/2022 17:11

APOLOGIES I did not see this was in "elderly parents" I was on my phone and it was cut off. Sorry for your loss. Xx

No worries @londonlass71 , it's probably karma payback on me for the hasty MN posts where I've got the wrong end of the stick 😊

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TeaMoreToast · 17/09/2022 17:17

Sorry for your loss.

My DF had morphine and was on a cloud, he looked at peace and didn't respond to us. I think your DF knew you loved him and would have been peaceful at the end. A call wouldn't have registered with him, given my experience.

BetterBee · 17/09/2022 17:16

Yes it’s in the elderly parents group, but she also says it’s her dad I’m the first sentence!

Even if she didn’t, what a horrible post to a grieving person! Pure nastiness.

Vampirethriller · 17/09/2022 17:14

I've had it- perfect peace, no pain, lovely dreams. I'm so sorry for your loss

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 17/09/2022 17:14

She quite clearly says "since my dad died" in her opening post.

Your comment was cruel and unnecessary and if you are even half decent you will ask for it to be removed.

londonlass71 · 17/09/2022 17:11

APOLOGIES I did not see this was in "elderly parents" I was on my phone and it was cut off. Sorry for your loss. Xx

londonlass71 · 17/09/2022 17:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 17/09/2022 17:01

I had it once when I had meningitis. It literally felt like I had paid back on the fluffiest, comfiest happiest cloud. I had no idea what was going on around me.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad x

Original poster
Alcemeg · 17/09/2022 16:44

Thank you all. Crying reading your lovely messages. Every single thing you've each said has made a difference.

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Rtmhwales · 17/09/2022 16:43

I had IV morphine and medazolam in June for an awake egg retrieval. I felt happy and peaceful despite going in to the procedure terrified. I think your father would've felt peaceful and comfortable.