If you care for your parent, what do you on a daily basis?

What does she spend the attendance allowance on?

I get Carer's Allowance (it's means tested and I qualify because I had to take early retirement to look after DH). He gets Attendance Allowance. He lacks capacity so I look after all the money. Luckily all our accounts are joint so I have access.

I don't care for my elderly parent, but I do care for my 73 year old DH. He had a stroke 18 months ago and has been left with severe cognitive problems, some physical problems and increasing aphasia (problems with speech). He is blind in one eye and sight impaired in the other. He can be doubly incontinent so I need bed protectors, Tena Men underwear at all times, and a damn good washing machine!

He cannot tell if he needs his bum wiping so I always go to the loo with him and check. If he's had a poo I wipe him and sometimes he needs a wash/shower. He needs help getting his clothes back on. I changed the bathroom flooring so that it can be quickly and easily cleaned if necessary.

He can't use a knife so I cut his food up and give him a spoon and fork. He drops food everywhere and doesn't notice. Not his fault so I just do a lot of clean ups.

He has seizures if he gets stressed (on medication) but he gets stressed a lot, especially if I leave him. So I don't. All shopping is done online, and my weekly outing is an hour up at my sister's flat (she lives up the road). Other than that I never leave him. He doesn't sleep through the night and wakes frightened and needs calming.

It's tough. And it'll get worse - his speech is deteriorating and he gets very frustrated by that. I'm hoping he doesn't start to get angry (not unusual) as that would be difficult to deal with.

I do most of those for my mum too, although we live five minutes away from each other and I drive. I work five days a week too. 99% of her admin/ banking I do online so that saves loads of time. I pay a cleaner to go to hers once a week which helps massively and a gardener once in a while, could you afford to do that? I do her food shopping with mine and usually cook a few meals at the weekend that will last her the week. I also talk a lot to my friends, sometimes just having a little moan makes me feel better and then I get on with it. Do you have much emotional support? It’s very hard but they deserve it if they’ve always looked after us.

I can talk to you about it from the other side, if that might help a bit? As in, I'm the one in need of physical care.

How old is she and how ok with online stuff/talking on the phone? A lot of that could be dealt with online/over the phone.
Prescriptions
Shopping
Making appointments?
Has she applied for attendance allowance and she could then pay for a cleaner/gardener?