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Original poster

I have to move my mum into a new care home, what do I tell her?

37 replies

Mxflamingnoravera · 26/08/2022 21:13

My mum has been getting very anxious and delusional again of late. She thinks I've been kidnapped and despite regular face time calls won't be talked out of it. So she's been leaving the building (she has a DOLS order) to look for me.
The dementia nurse came to see her yesterday and said that this is a safeguarding issue and I can see that it is. The mañager has now given me notice that that I have to find her somewhere else.

I have found somewhere. It's brand new and have vacancies. But I just don't know how to tell her why she's moving. She's moving on Wednesday so I need some ideas to start to see the thread of the idea that she's moving. But I just don't know what to say.

So far I've come up with a holiday, more things to do because she's bored where she is, but not sure if either will cut the mustard. She's constantly packing "to go home" so I could go with that but when we get there she'll know it's not her home (which is a feeling, not a place, I uderstsnd that).

Any ideas?

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 27/08/2022 12:39

Mxflamingnoravera · 26/08/2022 23:35

I have no siblings and my partner doesn't drive. I can barely drive myself at the moment because of sciatica.

I didn't think ambulance (I didn't man 999 emergency btw) would but a friend said they did it for their mum, bug that was in Lancashire and I'm in Bristol.

I'll ask around but everyone I know works and so are not free when the move is to happen. I suppose a man and a van to do the transport whilst I drive mum in my car could be a solution... why didn't I think of that before?

Does one of tje care homes have an accessible mini bus for taking people out? They might be able to transport her for a fee.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 27/08/2022 08:41

The ambulance service won’t help here as it’s nothing to do with NHS services.
does you mum have a wheelchair? Booking a wheelchair accessible taxi would probably be the best option unless either home has their own transport that could be used (and no doubt paid for)
I would go with telling her the truth, it sounds as if she won’t be able to retain the information whatever you tell her.
Tell her you’ve found somewhere new for her to live and it’s lovely. The staff are great and will look after her and keep her safe.
Hope it goes well

KangarooKenny · 27/08/2022 08:40

If you’re driving her yourself just move her to begin with, then go back for her stuff.
If you’re using a taxi tell them what you are doing and that you need a big vehicle, or a private ambulance is another option.

MereDintofPandiculation · 27/08/2022 08:37

Our nursing home takes Dad to his preferred dentist, but charges for the carer who goes with him. I would tell them triumphantly that you’ve found a new home and ask them to move.

They might claim she’s no longer their responsibility once she walks out of the door but it’s worth a try.

MoreHairyThanScary · 27/08/2022 08:36

Hi Op you have 2 options taxi ( wheelchair if needed) or if your are not up to that there are private ambulance firms that may be able to help?

If you are really struggling talk to the home ( they will use services to get patients around) or your Mum's GP surgery or the adult social care team to explain the problem and make it clear that she has been given notice.

Good luck I think a nice day out might be the best option, you can always go back for her stuff in the afternoon?

moistmingemist · 26/08/2022 23:42

Your mum should have a social worker so ask them about transport. Don't let it become your responsibility. Ask for help with the GP one see if there's a local volunteer service who can help.

Original poster
Mxflamingnoravera · 26/08/2022 23:35

I have no siblings and my partner doesn't drive. I can barely drive myself at the moment because of sciatica.

I didn't think ambulance (I didn't man 999 emergency btw) would but a friend said they did it for their mum, bug that was in Lancashire and I'm in Bristol.

I'll ask around but everyone I know works and so are not free when the move is to happen. I suppose a man and a van to do the transport whilst I drive mum in my car could be a solution... why didn't I think of that before?

OP posts:
DenholmElliot1 · 26/08/2022 23:23

I like the hotel idea thats brilliant!

OP - I doubt the ambulance service will move her - they sometimes don't even come out to urgent calls. Have you got any siblings or family or friends that you could ask to transport her?

Bobnotpop · 26/08/2022 23:18

When I was in this position we said they were going for a stay in a hotel. We’d say things like they deserved the break as they’d worked hard all their life and we continued it the whole time. The food is good here isn’t it, ooh they really do look after you well here, what great service etc. it worked, mostly.

Sooverthisnow · 26/08/2022 23:18

If her memory is really poor you could say it’s for one night and maybe just keep repeating that?

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 26/08/2022 23:13

What is her memory like? What if you said that they were going to be decorating the current place and she was going to a respite centre for a couple of weeks. After a couple of weeks would she ask whether she was going back? It would mean that you could say to her I like it better here don't you?

Original poster
Mxflamingnoravera · 26/08/2022 23:08

And can I ask for ambulance help to move her as I can barely walk myself due to sciatica?

I'm done in. Can't cope with any more. Sorry. I'm feeling very poor me right now.

OP posts:
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