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Elderly parents
Original poster

Holding vigil…. I think it’s tonight

57 replies

Trumpton · 13/08/2022 23:45

Mil has been living with us for 8 months and has been a total joy but she is at the end now.
DH is exhausted and I am sitting with her, reassuring her, and telling her that mummy and daddy have gone on ahead.
She is 99 and so so tired but attended, and was the belle of the ball, at a family wedding 2 months ago.
Our hearts are aching but she blew me a kiss 5 mins ago.
Go gently into that good night darling xxx
I know it’s soon and I thought we were ready and Alzheimer’s has robbed her of so much.

OP posts:
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Soberfutures · 18/08/2022 15:56

Sorry for your loss. Please have peace now you are sleeping. You sound amazing and helped in her passing with dignity and grace. Xxx

RunAlongLoser · 18/08/2022 07:49

Wow, what a beautiful thing you did x

PritiPatelsMaker · 18/08/2022 07:15

Sounds like she had the death that she wanted and that is such a privilege. It's still hard though isn't it? Flowers

Georgeskitchen · 17/08/2022 22:36

Bless her ❤ I hope she floats away peacefully into the arms of the angels like my mum did recently xxx

Princesspeony · 17/08/2022 22:09

Thinking of you all. What a wonderful passing to be cared for so lovingly at home. It sounds like she had a lovely family 💐

Leggingslife · 17/08/2022 21:57

Thinking of you 💐

gogohmm · 16/08/2022 12:15

Take care of yourselves. I am talking to the bereaved a lot due to my work and it is different for everyone but universally give yourselves space to breathe and communicate with other what will be helpful. Sometimes it's the children who are most helpful to us older ones - I love the circle of life comment, might use it myself!

With love

GingerPigz · 16/08/2022 12:04

@Trumpton ... so sorry for your loss. You are clearly an absolutely lovely person and you gave your MIL the most wonderful of final days. I will remember and reflect on this post if I am ever in similar circumstances. Thank you 🙏🏼❤️

ScarlettnotOHara · 16/08/2022 11:59

I took comfort in this picture when my dad died!! Her time is near xx

Holding vigil…. I think it’s tonight
RobertsRadio · 16/08/2022 11:56

What a wonderful way to exit this life, at home and surrounded by a loving family. How lovely of you and your DH to have made this possible. Your sadness at her passing will be made easier to bear knowing that you made possible this painless, dignified and loving passing.

My condolences, Op Flowers

Peridot1 · 16/08/2022 11:50

I’m so sorry for the loss of your lovely MIL.

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 16/08/2022 11:46

So sorry for your loss OP, but glad you were with her and she was peaceful. Will be thinking of you in the days ahead x

spiderlight · 16/08/2022 11:41

I am so very sorry for your loss but glad that she was able to slip away so peacefully. The poem is beautiful. Flowers

figmaofmyimagination · 16/08/2022 07:57

What a beautiful end to her life, not everyone gets that by any means. Well done you both for facilitating that for her.

💐

NellyNothing · 16/08/2022 07:48

So sorry for your loss. 💐💐💐

dribblewibble · 16/08/2022 07:24

I am so sorry for your loss.

I'm glad it was peaceful for her and you.

Thinking of you all.

rainbowstardrops · 16/08/2022 07:15

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers
She sounds as if she was a wonderful woman and she was so lucky to have such a caring daughter in law.
Sending love to you all

OldTinHat · 16/08/2022 07:10

This is the most heartbreaking yet heartwarming post I've ever read.

Much love to you all at this difficult time.

JaneJeffer · 16/08/2022 06:27

Sorry for your loss Flowers

2018SoFarSoGreat · 16/08/2022 06:20

@Trumpton that's a beautiful end, an enviable end. I'm glad the pain is over for her, but i am sorry for yours that will continue. 🌹

She sounds like an amazing woman. With am amazing daughter in law. May we all be so fortunate.

Original poster
Trumpton · 16/08/2022 06:09

She died at 12.45 this morning. I was dozing next to her and she had slipped away. As gracious in death as in life. I woke DH and we opened the window, lit a candle and sat with her.
Hospice at Home came out and washed and dressed her.
We managed a few hours sleep and will ring her lovely doctor and the undertaker.
Now to tell the grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

This is from her favourite poem

”And things can never go badly wrong
If the heart be true and the love be strong.
For the mist, if it comes, or the weeping rain
Will be changed by the love into sunshine again.”

OP posts:
PritiPatelsMaker · 15/08/2022 21:07

So glad you've got help from the Hospice Outreach Team. We found them invaluable with my DF.

Original poster
Trumpton · 15/08/2022 19:30

3rd night coming up but the Hospice nurses came today and she has had some morphine. We now have 24 hour access to them.
I looked after my dad to the end 15 years ago this is remarkably similar.
Brilliant idea from the nurse that I cut open her nighties to within 2 inches of neckline at the back so they can be slid on and off easily and she is not lying on fabric.
We are so lucky to live where we do rather than somewhere that we would not have access to this service.
Thank you for all the support.
I had breast cancer 3 years ago and Mumsnet was wonderful then as well.
You are all wonderful vipers.

OP posts:
DumpedByText · 15/08/2022 00:50

We are going through this to, my nan is 102 and just laying in bed asleep all day. She's said she's had a long good life and 'it's time to close the curtains'. She's so ready to go but clinging on, I've whispered in her ear that's it's OK for her to go and she said I know. Sending strength and hugs to you all.

spiderlight · 15/08/2022 00:21

Holding your hand from afar. I was with my dad when he passed away and I'm so glad I had that time when him. You sound like a wonderful family, wrapping her tightly in your love.