The nursing home my dad is in is described as providing ‘dementia care’. Today I found him lying on his bed with no trousers on in distress. He said ‘LaBelle I’m really scared’
( this is a highly reserved man who very rarely talks about his feelings). He thought that he was being forced to entertain the other residents in some kind of show. I pretended to go out and talk to the staff about it, then came back and said I’d told them he wasn’t to take part, which seemed to calm him down. Later I spoke to the member of staff on duty and asked why he was in his room. She said that he kept trying to remove his trousers in the lounge, and had been ‘very rude’ when asked not too, so they had told him he had a choice: clothed in the lounge, or trousers off in his room. I asked what he had said and she said he had been ‘threatening’ towards another member of staff, telling her ‘it was a good job she wasn’t a man’. My dad is the most peaceable man and has never been in a fight ( or even many arguments) in his life. Surely staff should recognise that this is the dementia talking and not him - and not use words like ‘rude’? They are aware that he’s very confused as he’s not making sense most of the time.
Does anyone here have a relative with dementia in a home which they feel provides excellent, sensitive and understanding care? Is it too much to hope for that places exist that actually help with the effects of dementia, rather than just providing physical care?