How to get gran into a home against her will

a 14 YO is a child .....you would leave an adult..say a 20 year old....to live how they choose assuming they have the mental capacity to decide. Your grandmother is not a child.
Its not about what you should do; its about what you should not do which is deprive an adult of their right to make their own decisions and if they do need decisions making for them, them making those decisions with due regard for the choices that they would have made in the past and would make now if they could.

Try contacting her local Community Mental Health Team and explain the GP won’t visit. That should include Older People Mental Health Services.

The GP might refer to her local Crisis team if she tick the right boxes.
Arguably she’s showing signs of cognitive impairment and also paranoia (chiropodist) and also suicidal thoughts. Flag also that she may have had a head injury when she fell.

To get action you make an appt with her GP and insist they don’t wash their hands of her - and to refer on out of the area if necessary.

This is all personal experiences told to me or I know. Every recalcitrant elderly person finally gets into a home (a good one) and loves it, they actually bang on about it til its boring. Most were resistant but ended up in one anyway

A potential in with yours is that she gets to choose now which home she goes in. Once she has lost capacity she has no more choices. So let's go see a home today gran see if you like it, it's close to ?? Its lovely, it's like a sheltered home, look at the flat you could have, no heating bills, Christmas parties, movie nights etc etc. Play up all the good points whatever they are and whatever she likes.

Make it clear its this or you will bow out.
It sounds really mean but a good care home can be wonderful and the best thing ever , maybe she is scared no one will visit but she obviously doesn't know how brilliant homes can be. Frankly visitors will get in her way of a good time.

the points you are missing is that the person's right to make unwise decisions is enshrined in law and if a decision does have to be made on the persons behalf, then evidence about previously expressed opinions must be taken into account. So if someone has said that they won't go into residential care under any circumstances when they had capacity to decide, then this strongly expressed opinion must be taken into account when taking decisions if capacity is lost....so eg presuading them to try residential care, as you did, fine.....saying "mum you are going and that's that" not fine.
You are right though....the legal principles are simplistic and clear cut...as simple and clear cut as "You must not murder people" Its down to case law and real world application to interpret the nuances.

Our lock has a safety feature where even if there is a key in the inside, you can still put a key from the outside and get in.

My mum wouldn’t go into a care home but when she fell she was screaming for me as the only child in the country. She didn’t have her care pendant on. It’s how one older persons decision affects others. That is what I am querying.

When the house was cleared we did find the remains of a care pendant. Funnily enough after a year the care line did call me wondering why it hadn’t EVER been used. As he fell out with most people he could have easily fallen and been there for days.

We went through this with my father. He had several falls and the hospital just sent him home even though he couldn't walk. My mum, who has severe mobility restrictions, was his career. Eventually, they both ended up in hospital, my Dad got Covid and died. Because my Mum was in hospital first, my Dad fell and had to wait over 3 hours for an ambulance.

The thing is, if he'd been asked, when he still had capacity, if he'd rather die than go into a nursing home, he'd have said he'd rather die. He was adamant about it. So, although I feel horrible about losing him, I do know he got what he always said he wanted, to be in his home until the very end.

Is your Dad able to have a conversation like that with her? Would she contemplate going to look around a place just to see? It may be safer for her to be in a home, but it could be the wrong decision for her, if she genuinely would rather die than be in one. I know that is hard to accept, but maybe she would rather take the risks of living alone.

He also said when my sister went mad at him that it was for someone else to sort out when he passed. Fire brigade was called out and ss but he was deemed to have capacity so they ‘left him to it’.

Lucky family to mange the situation. It was literally a death trap but his death trap and for some on this thread that is just fine with them.

Eventually even he recognised it couldn’t continue but it took us weeks to sort our his house, sell it and he moved into a care home where he is just existing.

Can you change the lock on the door so you can't leave the keys in?

My Mum cannot often remember simple things. It’s called getting very old. Memory loss is rife in old people.

Imagine you tell your kids you want this and that when you are comptis mentis and then when you are 96 denying you said anything like that. Do we just leave you to fend yourself - after all it’s your choice. What could possibly go wrong

Think how you'd feel if someone suggested to you tomorrow that you weren't capable of looking after yourself to a standard specified by them, and because of this you must leave everything you know behind, and be incarcerated with a bunch of strangers. That's how she feels, and what she fears, whether or not you think she'd be better off. Nothing to do with being 'selfish'.

I am saying that when you are late 80’s you might not even remember what you wanted and refuse to do anything at all. You could well believe you didn’t say any such thing.

My DF was living in such squalor but refused to admit it. Think of trashing every room in his house and refusing to let anyone in. He was sleeping on a small camp bed in the end soaked through with urine but was insisting it was ok- he just lived a little messily.

This is a simplistic picture, capacity is a complex issue and comes down to the judgment and interpretation of doctors and the situation. Until people lose capacity completely, they can retain capacity to make decisions about some things and not others.

The two key questions wrt to capacity are - does this person have a mental impairment, and does the impairment mean they can’t make a particular decision. They have to be able to - understand, retain, weigh up and communicate information relating to this decision. If they can’t do one or more of those things they would be found not to be able to make their own decision.

It is by no means clear that the GM has capacity in this case.

By the time we put my elderly relative into a home, they lacked the capacity to make that decision. However we did still insist that they were onboard, and collectively persuaded them.

Its not ok. its just not an excuse to take away someone's legal right to agency.

I don’t really understand what your question is there.

I am saying it is important when you are younger to have conversations with your family to ensure you don’t become a burden to them. You are saying … what? That people shouldn’t have these conversations?

Now if you had bothered to read my post or the one that I was responding to, you would have seen that I was agreeing with you, but not thinking her selfish or nasty as the poster I quoted suggested. But your response makes me now wonder what kind of person you actually are. Try reading what I said again instead of making it all about you.

Who would consider you negligent?
I do understand and empathise with your Dad's feelings. My own mother wouldn't leave her home to go into residential care. My sibs and I did what we could but none of us live close and all of us had other responsibilities as well as jobs. We sorted out the care that she would accept, set up the stuff that she would agree to and lived in a state of constant worry until her heart finally failed. A stranger looking at how she lived would have thought it appalling but it was her choice. its really easy for folk to judge capacity by whether it agrees with the choices that they would make in the same circumstances, or, even worse, to judge on whether those choices are for some mythical "best"

I agree, which is why it’s much more sensible to have PoA in place. (It takes 12 weeks just to get PoA.)

As it turns out OP has PoA for health - she should be able to get her GM’s capacity assessed.

If GM doesn’t have capacity OP has the power to make the decision that she would be safer in care. (Many places offer a combination of care levels - independent living, assisted living and nursing care).

The problem will be if no-one has has financial PoA they have no power to sell her house to pay for care.