Driving (or rather, not stopping driving)

We filled out all the forms for DVLA to report FIL & were about to ring his GP because his driving was a danger to himself and others. As it happened we did not have to complete it because he had a stroke and went into hospital. I would not have been able to live with myself if he had kept on driving. But Oh my goodness how cross was he when we suggested he stopped driving. He was 82 & I think he could self certificate for driving ( is that the term ) & he always did.

I think you as others have said can anonymously report him - or if you live close hide the car keys ( a woman who lives near to us has done this with her mother ( mother is furious ) but mother has dementia and isn't safe on the roads. It's a sad time for people because for so many driving is their independence , but not at the expense of others.

I wish you well , it is stressful

Literally having this issue now. My dad drives. I live 250 miles away, he's in his 80s and myself and my mum thunk early inset dementia. He's now a terrible driver, unaware and slow to react. He wants to drive to come see us and is totally and utterly insulted that my dh suggested he will come get them. Literally shouting arguing.....

I don’t envy you at all because generally your parents are people that are looked to for guidance and help. As the person reporting we know that we’re partially responsible for them losing their independence. Ageing is awful but it’s better than someone dealing with the alternative because either the driver is too stubborn to hang up their keys or the loved ones don’t want to upset them. I hope it wasn’t too upsetting for you or your father

OP @sunshineandsuddenshowers you last posted on 2nd July and I can’t stop thinking about your situation. Has anything changed?

I’ve already had conversations with my parents regarding their driving, in that it’s fine now but I will have no hesitation in reporting them if necessary should they become a concern. It’s quite lighthearted currently but they know I mean it.

It’s been over a week since your posted @sunshineandsuddenshowers have you reported your father yet?

People really shouldn’t be reluctant to report an elderly person who drives dangerously. The loss of autonomy for that person isn’t as much of a concern as the danger to many other people if they continue driving. He could kill someone.

My elderly neighbour, who was a complete menace on the road, had her licence taken away and we were told the police were involved. She had once told us, laughing, how she hit another car in a car park and drove away, so that may have had something to do with it. We used to hear her screeching up the road in first gear every day and saw her very nearly hit other cars loads of times. She just didn’t seem to be aware of her surroundings and was always looking straight ahead, never checking right and left.

A relative who was just as bad as her if not worse, was reported and also lost his licence. It was a huge relief to us. Yes of course it’s upsetting and a big life change for the elderly person, but they have to adapt, as we all do when we can’t do something we want to.

I passed nearly 35 years ago, have driven all sorts of cars and some vans and they’ve always had indicators are the left side of the steering wheel and windscreen wipers on the right.

Mixing indicators and windscreen wipers is easy for anyone who’s been driving for more than 20 years as they used to be-the other way round.

Our GP said DF was ok to drive despite referring him to the memory clinic for testing for obvious dementia! Sitting as a passenger in his automatic car I knew he had lost spatial awareness and had forgotten where the indicators and windscreen wipers were! Whilst waiting for the memory clinic referral, and as his driving licence needed renewing, I wrote to the DVLA listing my concerns and notifying about the memory referral and they refused to renew his licence. He grudgingly accepted it from the dvla, but would not listen to me.

There are often older person driving courses through local county council that can be done. Our council does it

www.hants.gov.uk/transport/roadsafety/drivertraining/driverskills

Maybe your council offers similar. It's worth negotiating with your DF to see if he'll agree to do this and listen to their recommendations.

We couldn't persuade my dad he wasn't safe to drive. He was absolutely furious with us for suggesting it and tried to fake being OK in front of his medical team so they'd support him driving.

We took the nuclear option. Sold the car and notified the DVLA. DVLA delays meant that legally he could keep driving until the day he died. Selling the car eliminated any chance of him driving.

I strongly believe that friends and family of these drivers who are no longer safe do have a moral responsibility to interfere when someone needs to stop driving. There should be a clear route via the police that handles this in a timely fashion.

contact.dvla.gov.uk/driver/capture_transaction_type?transaction_type_id=drivers_medical?locale=en 3rd button down.

FIL was asked to a test centre; nurse and driving instructor; physical and driving tests. They were very very kind - explained to him that his driving skills were excellent but that unfortunately his short term memory had become poor so he was not reacting appropriately. (Eg, arriving at roundabout, checking HGV entering roundabout to his right, looking ahead, forgetting the HGV and driving into its path....). He was furious at the time and is the worst passenger ever but at least he's not out there endangering MIL any more.

We are compromising on this with my DF. We are saying OK, continue driving locally on roads you know well, but no long distances.

Report anonymously to the DVLA. I did it for FIL and like to think I saved some lives.

Surely this could be too late!
Showing him how bad he drives could be after he’s caused a serious accident.

I have posted this on many similar threads.

My brother and I reported my Dad after watching him via iphone tracking driving round and round a retail park unable to find the way out. DVLA sent lots of forms. I had to fill them in (became apparent he had early dementia). Did not leave anything out. BUT (cleverly) the first thing DVLA did was sent him for an eye test, which he failed. He never cottoned on to who reported him. My brother had also had a chat with the GP to back it up. So I’d say please report him.

Even when in a home with more severe dementia and in a wheelchair my Dad was still talking about not being able to drive.

Also, subtly check whether he reported those accidents. Suspect my Dad may not have reported at least one of his.

Agree with @butwait .

I reported my mum to the DVLA (alcoholic) a similar time ago and as far as I’m aware nothing has happened, though she’s too pickled to read her post so who knows…

The loss of freedom that losing one's car represents, especially if you live in the country, is a big wrench for many. You don’t have to live in the country, living in the suburbs of a big city is enough. It’s not a “wrench”, it can mean the end of your lifestyle, of everything that keeps you engaged socially (and we know social disengagement is associated with dementia). It’s more difficult than for a teenager, because you are less able to walk 2 miles, or to wait up to an hour at a bus stop. It’s small wonder that people kid themselves about their driving ability.

Our collective decision to build our society around the car doesn’t just mean expense for those who can’t afford it, it means a serious curtailment for those without access to a car. I’m hoping self driving cars will help, but they’re a long time coming

The other thing to bear in mind is the massive delays at DVLA and in the health service currently. We had a relative who willingly filled in the 'report a health concern' form because he'd been diagnosed with dementia and was worried about his abilities. DVLA acknowledged receipt etc, and the procedure then is that they contact the doctor for a report to assess whether the individual can keep driving - but in the meantime they can carry on. Nine months later he has had nothing back, in spite of chasing it up. Sadly since then he has deteriorated significantly, so has fortunately realised that he's really not safe to drive any more, and has stopped of his own accord.

I can feel your frustration regarding the right thing to do and you’ve obviously tried already without success which must be really difficult for you. I don’t know your relationship with your father or whether this is something prior to his accidents was discussed. I think I would ask him some difficult questions like what makes him think that he is entitled to drive when he’s obviously not as capable as he once was. His explanation for his accidents. You haven’t stated what the very dangerous thing was, I imagine it was bad which is why you haven’t elaborated, but tell him how bad it was if you haven’t already. My relationship with my parents is such that I know I can be blunt if necessary but I appreciate that isn’t always the case. I’ve worked for the police as a civilian in the collision department for the last 16 years and ultimately whether it’s a neighbour, friend or family member I would have no qualms reporting someone as I’ve seen too many times the consequences. Most aren’t fatalities or serious injuries but tragically some are.

I have two experiences of this.

One was my father who had become unsafe. He agreed to get rid of his car, but it represented freedom to him and he found it very hard. He bought himself and electric mobility scooter on which he did a 180 degree turn and tipped it over on himself, fracturing his pelvis. This accident ultimately ended his life.

The other was my OH who had Parkinsons. Thankfully he understood he was a danger and returned his licence. He did of course have me there to do the driving.

The loss of freedom that losing one's car represents, especially if you live in the country, is a big wrench for many.