My mother has always been selfish. When my father was alive they lived their lives and made it clear they’d done their child rearing so don’t ask for help.
Father died 20 years ago and mother is now 95. Last few years she’s gradually slowed down a lot but mentally she’s ok, gets forgetful and muddled.
Unfortunately she thinks my life should be effectively put on hold now to attend to her every beck and call. I visit 4 times a week, cook for her, supply her with most of her food for the week but whatever I do it’s not enough. She can slowly manage to wash / shower dress, warm up food etc but she’s become lazy and wants waiting on.
She seems jealous of every nice thing I do, if I go on holiday she spends weeks beforehand saying how the flight will be cancelled, the weather will be poor etc. She finds the black side of everything, she’s extremely critical of my body, my hair, the fact I now have to wear glasses.
Shes the same with my daughter (who now will not visit) saying her hair is too long, she’s put on weight etc.
Its like she has no filter, she’s gossipy, salivates over other peoples misfortune.
Any time spent with her is torture to be honest. She’s bitter and unhappy and I don’t know what to do.
she refuses to spend money on taxis to visit friends, everyone has to come to her as she can’t be bothered with leaving the house.
she is a pain in the butt to wider family as she latches on to anyone who calls or visits and it’s then expected as a weekly schedule. she will call nieces and nephews saying she’s run out of things so they go to the shop and then have to come to her house.
she’s not happy unless she’s got someone there with her 24/7 but it’s not possible!
she will not hear of a day centre or care home. It’s miserable and trying and I’m getting I don’t like her very much.
is this simply her age magnifying how she’s always been? I’m trying to hold firm with her and told her that one or two days a week she has to accept she’ll be home alone.
any tips please?