What do you wish that your parents has put in place when they were still fit and healthy?

Have you heard of Biscuit Tin? It's an online (and I think app) service that helps with a lot of the documentation stuff talked about here. Scottish businesswoman is behind it.

This for sure. My MIL lives in a 2nd floor flat with no lift. She refuses to consider moving but it won't be long before she's effectively a prisoner

Try and encourage them not to retire somewhere with no bus service or shops or other facilities. Absolutely fine to be in a nice village when you'can drive, complete nightmare when you're suddenly told that you can't due to a terminal illness. This happened to my father and made his final year or so very complicated.

Lots of good practical advice here, which I wish I’d had before my mum got ill and had to move to a care home for the last few years of her life. I always felt like we were trying to catch up on organising everything.

I would definitely add getting names on photos (what a lovely idea of a PP to video their mum going through photos, even if the videos are hard to watch now) and a list of friends with their contact details - we struggled a bit with letting people know.

It’s interesting to see the contrast between comments on downsizing and decluttering on here (from people who have presumably gone through this with their elderly parents/ relatives), and the comments on the thread about downsizing where people are insistent they need a four-bedroom house even after their children have left home, and shouldn’t have to get rid of any of their belongings.

Access to all online accounts. I set up an online service which my kids, DH or whoever get access to when I die. It has all the information they need in it. I chose readings and hymns for funeral. Wishes. Copies of POA etc. All in one place.

All of this. I also intend to prepay/have written instructions for my funeral.

Usual things like will, POA, declarer, funeral areangement preferences, details of finances etc. A key safe was a godsend as MIL is bedbound.
But another area was, as they got older ensuring they get all of the allowances and help they were entitled to. Based in Ireland. Nobody seems to tell you, you find out these things you're as you go alo g and sometimes have to fight for them.

1. My MIL should have had a medical card (Ireland -free doctors and prescriptions).
2. Public Health Nurse- have an assessment of needs done. It takes time.
3. Respite -free service in Ireland - 1 month (2 ×2 weeks in a nursing home free).
4. Alzheimer's Nurses - Free
5. Meals on wheels (pay for this)

An index of what they think is in the estate - shares, accounts, life insurance policies etc. A list of large cash gifts so you don’t have to trawl through bank statements. if you close an account or sell shares - make a note CLOSED/ Sold on any retained documents. Plus a copy of pre-deceased spouse’s final grant of probate and HMRC forms.

I absolutely loved finding letters from my mum to me, explaining why she kept things. I loved finding a folder of poems and prayers she left, to help me reflect on the difficulty of losing her and how to face forward. A note of which charities she wanted donations to, and so on.

I wish FIL hadn't been a hoarder, and in total denial about his Alzheimer's. Took us days and weeks to sort out his home(s) - one he had abandoned when it got too full of junk and when he finally went into nursing care we had to clear them both. Not helped by the fact that dh and I are in Scotland and FIL lived in Belfast. He has no other family except for dh's brother who lives on the west coast of Canada and is estranged from his dad.

Also wish he'd put a PoA care in place. Financial is his partners son as he's there on the ground (dh is very thankful for this!) but there's no care provision so dh is having to do it all in conjunction with the financial PoA, as dh is NOK.

We went to visit FIL this weekend and there was no chance of anything approaching a conversation with him, his dementia is so far advanced now, and he's only 77. Poor dh is really upset, but we're doing all we can.

Plans for what they would do when they can’t cope with the house.

POA
Up to date will
IHT planning
List of any investments/shares/bank accounts.
Decluttering
I am doing all of this so my DC won't have to.

I sort of feel like that. my children do not clear up after themselves and it destroys me so I sort of don't care if they have to clear up after I'm dead. my lovely son also stole nearly a grand and counting from me so he won't be getting my passwords. I wish everyone well tho

My uncle's house contents were all taken to either the charity shop or the tip, with a very few exceptions, unless you're leaving a stately pile filled with antiques no one wants your stuff when you go, except jewellery and a few sentimental items.

Pets are important to remember, they need including in wills and it's a good idea to add whoever is likely to take them to their insurance policy so it can be continued and any ongoing conditions will be covered.

Re photos - I got my Mum to tell me who was who in all the photos, and videoed her doing it - just the finger pointing, and her talking.
Of course I haven't felt up to watching any of them BUT they are backed up in multiple different safe places.

We filled 3 of them when we cleared out our parents HA house back in 2020. We also paid someone to remove all the garden waste. Cost a blooming fortune.

My neighbour developed terminal cancer and died. His wife cared for him at home and it was very tough.

Duiring his long illness his wife had her own painful medical problems, non life threatening but requiring corrective surgery. She said she would get it sorted out after he died. He said "No; I want you to get it done now so I know you're well again . I don't want you undergoing surgery when you're alone and grieving with no support. I have spoken to our Dr and arranged go into respite care while you're in hospital." So, she had her surgery and he spent a few weeks in respite care before coming back home.

Unknown to her, he spent those weeks making all his own death arrangements,.
He put everything in a big brown envelope marked "open when I die".

Inside the envelope, she found his Will. Plus typed letters (and stamped addressed envelopes) to every bank, insurer, business contact, old friend etc etc who needed to be notified. All she had to do was write in his date of death, sign them and post.He had also made (and paid for) all burial arrangements with the local undertaker, written his own funeral service, arranged with a local hotel to provide refreshments after. He had also collected together all the paper work required to register the death ; all that was missing was the death certificate.

If you had the account detail - email and password details. You can simply transfer the account between persons. No need to tell them of any death.

Echo everything that has been said in this thread

slightly off tangent. Having been through this with my grandmother (who I was very close to) and my parents I wish I had been firmer with everyone about preparation. As you get older you get more resistant to change (and grumpy and anxious). which I understand but It made everything so much more difficult. And probably marred the final years I had with them. OMG the house clearances were awful.

I have vowed to make my later life much easier for my kids. Even down to finding suitable accommodation to live in so I’m not a burden. I want to enjoy my final years with them enjoying my company.

Poa, advance decision, will with sensible choice of executors (regularly reviewed) , list of passwords, up to date address book, documents all in one place.

It would have saved a lot of strife in DH's family if MIL had got all her DC together to allocate the family treasures amongst them. As it was, some furniture one wanted was sold by mistake, there was an epic uproar about some ornaments and there has been prolonged sulking in some quarters that 'Well, she got that, but everyone knew I wanted it.' No, they didn't, plus you took a van-load anyway.

So I plan to get my DC all in one place and make a note of who wants what that they're all happy with, and put it with my will.

Oh yes!
I had all these for mum, I went in and locked her FB account (she was 86) and kept an eye on emails for a year.
She had hundreds of kindle books on her Amazon account. Apparently you don't own them so I was unable to retrieve them legally.

DH and I did POA nominating our DC once they were 18.
Mum had POA in place long before it was needed. In fact we never needed the financial one as she was fully capable to the end. She gave me all her passwords and PINs so I could draw cash for her and pay bills though.
Having dealt with estates and houses for my mother and MIL the de-cluttering is obvious.
We kept a handful ofmum's photos that's all. Everything else, furniture, textiles, kitchen ware etc was given to a local charity who were very grateful for it.

My father's wishes were like the three day funeral games of a Roman Emperor.
😂Same here for mum.
The biggest most useful thing my mother did was a very detailed plan for her funeral. Right down to hymns, readings, poems, who reads what, colour scheme, the photos to be used on the program. It all mattered to her (personally they can just put me in the bin) and saved DSIS and I a lot of angst. Sadly covid intervened and the send off was not quite as planned.

Our financial affairs are way more complicated and I have a big spreadsheet.
Lists all investments, passwords, annual income, tax, pensions.
Also a list of utility providers.

Please remember to get details such as passwords to phones, Facebook, email accounts as well as iTunes, Spotify, Netflix etc.

I wish my DM had forewarned me that when she needed care I would be expected to provide it, despite having a disabled DH and an adult DC with learning disabilities who required a lot of support and that my DB would not need to do any.

Also that even if her bungalow no longer met her needs , on no account would she leave her home town, then I wouldn't have spent ages looking at assisted living flats and managing to get her a place at one near me.

My friend who is in her 70s has had similar problems after the death of her husband. Everything was on his computer and she is barely computer literate. It took a lot of unraveling.

I do all the household admin, set up accounts etc and find I am constantly reminding DH of where all the documents are. They are all together but I am not even sure he knows we have insurances that would pay out for accidents etc despite telling him each year when I renew them.