Show me a picture that sums up caring for elderly parents…

@Stath Your mum is brilliant

I’ll give you 2 pictures and a youtube clip-look after my dad full time-and nursed my disabled mum at home (in a Sheltered housing complex) until she died. I love them (and the other old people whom I will always help if needed!) but there are many days I feel like I am in an episode of Father Ted!

This is the cutest thing ever!

Stath, that really made me laugh - your mum sounds great.

My dad never turned his on because the batteries were too expansive and he didn’t want to waste them.

He had 6 years worth of batteries for them when he was 85.

So many bells ringing - and all so sad. It's really got to me the last few weeks. Mine would be my mum's dosset boxes of pills (which my partner and I sort for her every week or two as she has Dementia and has to take over 20 tablets each day!), her two trollys... one up one down (with stair lift in the middle) - which she actually loves now and are now like her mobile 'life station'... yes, what's with all the piles of papers? - she won't let us throw anything away... 3 Cotton Trader's Catalogues etc...
And her purple wheelchair... housebound without it now. My Mum has been my rock my whole life and gradually bit by bit and piece by piece she is leaving me... and as another poster said - being in the middle of it at the moment, I can't even think back to that time and remember it properly!

My dad refuses to sit in the communal areas of his care home as its “full of old people”. He’s 87 and one of the oldest there…

We solved the ‘I don’t want to look like an old person with a stick’ issue by giving my very darling late grandad the walking poles that people use to climb mountains.

he was happy because that made him feel sporty, not elderly (at 90+).

Mum used her upstairs Zimmer frame to hang her clothes on, same with the bannister rail. Some of them get very silly as they get older, it's like reasoning with toddlers sometimes. Both of mine are now gone, I miss them...

mintycedric

For me the pic would be of mum's hearing aids...inevitably in a little basket on the bedside table, while I shout myself hoarse trying to communicate with her.

Yes!! This is my mum too. Never wears them, they're just gathering dust on the mantelpiece. Ironically, I took her for a hearing check up recently and she took for whatever reason, a dislike to the lovely audiologist, saying out loud . 'l don't like her'.

Think she forgot who was the deaf one in the room ....

Pills, paperwork and mountains of newspapers. Will take a picture when down there next. Oh yes to the walking cane gathering dust . All too sad

I don't exactly have to 'care' for my DM (89) because she is very feisty and independent... but it's comments like 'that's for when I am older' when I invite her to join me at my WI meetings or insisting on buying a new lawnmower (she could easily ask one of her adult DC or afford to pay for a gardener) that amuse me .

The new microwave we've just bought my mum, who had forgotten that she has carers who cook all her meals for her, and who had attempted to 'cook an egg' in the old one. The burning smell was still strong the next morning. I have no idea how much longer we will be able to keep her at home, she's 91 and has had Alzheimer's for about 4 years now...

My picture would be the book on coping with dementia that the chap from the memory clinic gave DMIL last week...

"It must be awful to have Dementia, thank goodness I don't! Might be interesting to read if I get bored though " said mum...

No photo but it would be the random scattering of dropped pills, hearing aid batteries and food debris around the favourite arm chair

my mum hates her hair showing grey, I do her roots every few months to keep on top of it

I can sympathise. I've already charged my adult son with the job of "doing my roots" until the day I die.

For me the photo would be of her bathroom cabinet full to the brim with incontinence pad packets - the carers delivered a few packets every week and she flatly refused to use them. And every week I'd have to strip the bed and all her chair covers and wash them because she had wet on them. I do miss her sometimes but I don't miss the work she created from her own obstinacy .

No picture but when my MIL first became less mobile (osteoporosis, Parkinson’s) she was given a walking frame with a tray to help her get around the house and not have to eat at the table (couldn’t sit up straight enough). When we arrived to visit, the frame was against a wall in the hall, flowering cactus plant sitting on the tray and handbag / walking stick hanging off the handles! At least it was being used for something 🙄 ie plant stand and storage hooks.

My dm says ‘what’s that old lady doing?’ ‘Erm, mum she’s younger than you!’
Mum has her hair dyed dark brown to hide her greys. Tbh, at 82 she doesn’t look her age, but walks with a zimmer.
She’s bloody ageing me though. Helping her get up as she’s stuck really doesn’t help my arthritic knee. She’ll outlive me at this rate.
The photo would be all the pills she takes and the repeat prescriptions. The list is endless.

For me the photo would be of a pile of pills for all her ailments (genuine prescription drugs for serious health issues, not imaginary aches and pains), boxes and boxes of painkillers, a cupboard full of small bottles of fizzy drinks so she could have one by the bed every night. Her "control centre" by her chair - tv remote, telephone, two pairs of glasses, handkerchief, pen and notebook - everything she might need within reach. The calendar by the chair with the names of the carers coming the next day. I love her and miss her but I don't miss any of the work that went with being her carer.

For me it's part of the admin pile for my mum's affairs...

I may say that she at great effort because she was declining, got her things into pretty simple order before her stroke. It's not her fault it's a mess, it's mine. But I'm managing her affairs, my own, my house, selling her flat and doing a bit of parenting on the side.

Oh I remember that from when my dad fell and broke his back...except I had a box in the boot full of Pot Noodles and Breakfast Biscuits.

For me the pic would be of mum's hearing aids...inevitably in a little basket on the bedside table, while I shout myself hoarse trying to communicate with her.

@nokitchen my mum hates her hair showing grey, I do her roots every few months to keep on top of it.

Until we lost my dad 7 years ago mum was very active, very independent, they were always off one place or another. Holidays. Impromptu long drives. She said having us kids late kept them younger for longer (she had me at 36 and my brother at 44). I've watched her age very quickly since my dad died. The light in her eyes just went out. They'd been together for 45 years. I do my best to keep her chipper, get her out and about, but with work and kids it's a jugging act. And I'm not my dad, and he's who she wants.

We just do our best by them the way they did their best by us.