Settle down, story time. My husband is an only child. His dad died years ago. Mother is now 80, sliding slowly into dementia, and as stubborn as you'll find. She is poorly educated (from a rural area where education wasn't really valued, working was more important) which is adding to the problem. I have been patient regarding all these things and have made excuse after excuse for her while my husband is short tempered and impatient. This is not only because he's frustrated but also because he is grieving for the mother he's slowly losing, so I'm also trying to be patient with him. She's been all but housebound for the past two years, and we've been pretty much her only contact with the outside world. She wasn't really getting out much even before covid, due to being a heavy smoker all her life and struggling with COPD. She lived, until Xmas, in the house my husband was brought up in, a 3 storey townhouse, with 3 bedrooms. This tells you how stubborn she is, to her own detriment - all the bedrooms are on floors 1 & 2, ground floor is kitchen/diner and WC. For the past two years she hasn't been able to get to the top floor, where the bathroom and her bedroom are. She can't sleep on the middle floor because she needs to be near a toilet. So for two years she's been sleeping on a two-seater sofa (it's not even comfortable) in the dining room, and getting washed, and washing her hair, at the kitchen sink. There's no room in there for a bed. We've tried everything to get her to help us improve things. She's refused carers. She refused to move to a brand new flat in a sheltered accommodation 200 yards from her home. So we gave up, while visiting her every single day to take shopping and cigarettes and be company for her. She wouldn't let me change her bills to direct debits and insisted on pre-paying everything which meant we had to go out and pay all her bills in various places too. We have jobs and are raising a disabled child. I was just getting to the point of desperation when, on New Year's Day, we went to find she'd fallen through the night and had been lying on the floor for a long time. Amazingly, she recovered well and was pretty much unhurt - she has a small fracture in her pelvis, which is painful but doesn't need any treatment. She had a few bruises. She ended up being in hospital for a month as her dementia worsened, and she got a UTI that took time to cure. She was then discharged to a temporary care place. We found an assisted living flat for her, which her medical team and social team felt was the best option as her mobility has worsened even more. It's like sheltered accommodation but has a nursing care team as well who visit her 4 times a day to help with medication etc. We spent 3 weeks decorating it for her. Everything, carpeted throughout, curtains, sofas, an electric chair that reclines and helps her to stand (which she sits in but refuses to use otherwise), I used money from her bank to buy her bed, but we got her bedroom furniture. We didn't bring much from her home because, tbh, the furniture was all old and falling apart, and everything smells of stale smoke. I brought photos, personal belongings, decorative items, cushions, throws, etc, in an attempt to give her lots of familiar things. Please know, I don't care how much it cost, we're in the lucky position that we could find the money to do it and I don't resent a penny of it. I really want however long she has left to be comfortable and an improvement on the past 2/3 years for her. So, having complained for 3 years about being bored and lonely, and living in such a poor way, she now has a two bed flat with a wet room and everything easily accessible, is safe, has carers, and can walk down the corridor to the lounge where she can meet other people for a chat. Except. She's been there two weeks. She won't sleep in the bed. She's not showered, or asked for help to shower, despite me repeatedly telling her that's what the carers are there for, though she is getting washed. She insists she doesn't need laundry done (she doesn't like that it's a communal laundry room) except I know she must. She refuses any medication except inhalers from the carers then complains because she's constipated and in pain. We've refused to take her more than 20 cigarettes a day (she didn't smoke the whole time she was in hospital and care), we'll leave 20 with her at 6 pm, and she'll be on the phone at 8.30am saying they're gone and she's desperate for a smoke. Partially due to her memory problems, she then phones repeatedly, like, minutes apart, to remind us. I don't need her to say thank you, I don't even care whether she's grateful, to be honest, I just wish she would take advantage of everything we've slogged our guts out for the past month to achieve for her. I'm trying to wait to see if she'll be better when she's settled in, but am I being unreasonable to be angry that she won't even sleep in the bloody bed?