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Elderly parents
Original poster

Sibling care when parents are gone

29 replies

Scarecrowrowboat · 13/03/2022 15:55

Not sure if this is the right board but here goes.
Those with moderately disabled (physical and learning) sibling that cannot function living alone but disability is probably not life limiting, what plans have you made with parents for when they are deceased or no longer able to care for them? They are retired and starting to worry about what will happen/ what plans can be made. Although there's a part of me that wants to say we'd just move straight in and take over care we have two young children, parents live a fair way away in a place with v limited job prospects so it would be a difficult move. I don't think they'd adapt well to a big city move so them moving into our v small house probably won't be great especially as we have stairs. I have no idea what suggestions to make. I know it could be years but no way to know what the situation will be when the time comes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Scarecrowrowboat · 13/03/2022 16:40

@CagneyNYPD1

I am in this situation. This is going to sound really horrible but hear me out. I made it very clear to my parents and my sister's social worker that when the time comes, I will not take on a caring role. She will not live with me. Adult social services will and are involved. If she needs to go into a care home, so be it. And yes, I know that makes me sound like a truly awful human being.

But, my sister was very violent and aggressive towards me until I moved out of home at 21. She has had aggressive and violent outbursts around my dc. But only once. I decided that my dc were not going to experience what I had. They have v little contact with her.

The more social services think you will help and support, the less they will do. Think very, very carefully about what you commit your dc to in this situation.

That doesn't make you sound awful at all, it's understandable. It makes it harder that he's a lovely person and very much loved by my kids. I worry that some care homes don't treat residents very well and being so far away it would be hard to check ok him frequently.
OP posts:
Northernlurker · 13/03/2022 16:22

The best thing to do would be for your parents to plan for some sort of supported living for your sibling. Now, rather than later, so they can all settle in to it. Other than being a loving sibling first and foremost and a financial overseer second - assuming they do not have capacity to run their affairs - nothing should be expected of you. You have your own family to take care of.

Magdalena543 · 13/03/2022 16:12

If she needs to go into a care home, so be it. And yes, I know that makes me sound like a truly awful human being

I don't think you sound like an awful human being. You sound very realistic and sensible to me. These days adults usually get to choose if and how many children they have, siblings don't get that privilege. I would ensure a good and proper care facility was found, but I would not take a sibling into my home in your situation.

CagneyNYPD1 · 13/03/2022 16:05

I am in this situation. This is going to sound really horrible but hear me out. I made it very clear to my parents and my sister's social worker that when the time comes, I will not take on a caring role. She will not live with me. Adult social services will and are involved. If she needs to go into a care home, so be it. And yes, I know that makes me sound like a truly awful human being.

But, my sister was very violent and aggressive towards me until I moved out of home at 21. She has had aggressive and violent outbursts around my dc. But only once. I decided that my dc were not going to experience what I had. They have v little contact with her.

The more social services think you will help and support, the less they will do. Think very, very carefully about what you commit your dc to in this situation.

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