Cockroach cafe 🪳 Spring 2022 🪳

That cockroach is a bit too lifelike for my liking. Not noticed it before.

Hello everyone. I'm just rushing through on my way to a work meeting, wanted to check that all the kumquats had made it through to the lovely new thread - thanks @MereDintofPandiculation.
My DM is behaving quite reasonably atm and the lurking 'helpful carer' has moved out and is keeping a low profile - so far, so ok

My mum has just phoned again to ask about her feckin' parcels

Just checking in to claim a seat by the drinks cabinet.

DM is due to move to a long term nursing home tomorrow, and the 'for sale' sign is now up at her house. I feel like the world's worst daughter, despite the fact I've done everything I can to support her.

I hope that she may be happy at this new place, rather than just 'safe'.

Sorry I just replied on the old thread not realising this new one had got going. Thank you all for your kindness. Reading everyone's updates today my feeling is relief that my caring years are over finally. I'm sure there will come a day that I shed a tear for mum, or think back fondly on times with her, but that day is not today x

Sending you virtual and fantasea as I can so relate to your situation with your mum, although thankfully am not dealing with health issues (beyond the feckin' perimenopause) or an unhelpful sibling, which would really give me the rage!

I have finally managed to speak to the HRT person at our surgery so ball is rolling there at last!

Thanks all.

@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere DD is amazing. I think she's naturally pretty resilient but it was something they put a lot of store by at her secondary school and it's stood her in good stead with everything we've been through in the last few years.

Her dad wanted her to write off the rest of the week but she was having absolutely none of it...besides, she has a very important appointment at the hairdressers for a new cut and colour this afternoon and nothing gets between her and a 'new do' .

I've have a good cry this morning...was feeling rubbish yesterday anyway with circumstances and bloody hormones so it needed to come out.

Had a fairly positive convo with mum this morning...she's very relieved were OK and offered to come round and retrieve the parcels for return if I didn't fancy going out, but I'm taking madame to the hairdresser later so will sort it then.

I hope it kind of jolts us into a better place as we have been fighting and bitching at each other constantly for the last week.

@MrsRussell...pint of proper coffee first thing and just had a belated cooked breakfast/brunch washed down with sweet tea!

I feel for you with the baffled carer situation...one of the most frustrating things when dad was ill was dealing with all the rules, regs, do's and don'ts and 'patient voice' bullshit parameters.

@OhPleaseJustLast my dad had dementia and I recall that they do report these sorts of incidents. I also don't know what you're supposed to say either, DM took these calls when it was happening, sorry to not be of more help.

Morning ladies!

@freshcarnations hoping you got some rest last night.

@Minty hope you and DD are ok, I had a bad car accident 30 years ago and remember it now, don't underestimate how shaken up you both will be Xx

@MrsRussell so sorry you're going through this, having to deal with clearing that up can't be a reasonable expectation for typical carer so why is it ok for you to have to do it? For nothing too. I shudder at the stories on these boards of poo accidents but your situation is in another league.

@Warmhandscoldheart sadly, it always falls to the daughter who lives closest whereas the other/s seem to be naturally off the hook as they are 'so far away'. My DM lives round the corner from me and expects me to be her on-call servant, driver, therapist and punchbag. I have one golden sister who lives about an hour away whom Mum makes constant excuses for her lack of visits, she works (part-time) and has teens. I completely understand your frustration that your sibling is blissfully unaware of all you do, this is a daily struggle for me. It really saddens me that even though I'm on chemotherapy, my sister is perfectly at peace with me shouldering it all. It sounds as though you really love your mum and I feel quite envious, the relationship I have with mine is very strained and I struggle most of the time to even like her.

I'm taking DM to Tesco after lunch to get her weekly shopping, I was cross with her last week as the 3 things I'd asked her to get me (one was oats) were all 'out of stock' . I've found a 'live stock checker' on the App so will look at that before I leave for the 6 things I want today, it even helpfully gives the aisle number for each one, what could possibly go wrong?

@freshcarnation - so glad that SS has been able to take the weight of your sibling off your shoulders. Just do what you have to do and be kind to yourself.

@Minty - so glad you and your daughter are ok. I think she is amazing to have gone to college today. Don't be surprised if it hits her later and she has a wobble. And the same for you too. I have only ever been in one crash and a week afterwards I suddenly fell apart. Up until then it was all practical/physical stuff and while my daughter was watching some rubbish on the Disney channel which featured crash I suddenly thought of everything that could have happened.

@MrsRussell I liked something you said towards the end of the previous thread about choice. You are right to say that your mum no longer has you as her choice. I wish I had been stronger sooner.

Hello @Warmhandscoldheart and@OhPleaseJustLast This is one of the nicest corners of Mumsnet. These people have kept me sane and made me laugh and told me what questions to ask when I didn't even know that asking was an option,

Morning all. I’m a lurker here. I have had some great advice when I’ve asked for it, but also, it’s just great to see other people’s experience and learn from that, know you’re not alone (although I’m obviously sorry that anyone else is going through it all too).

My dad, with dementia, has been in a care home for two weeks now, and seems to have gone down hill quite fast. Not unexpected - it’s become clear the only reason he was as good as he was was because his environment was so controlled, by my mum, who couldn’t carry on. Without her, it’s not, and he doesn’t want to be there. I don’t blame him, I wouldn’t either. But anyway. The last couple of days I’ve started the day with a phone call at 7am from the night nurse at the care home, telling me that he’s been really disruptive, hit a carer, etc…and they’re going to have to write an incident report. I assume they have to tell family as part of process, but I’m a bit nonplussed as to what to say. I mean, yes, he has dementia, that’s why he’s there. It’s a specialist dementia home. I want to ask them what do they normally do in these circumstances? Is this normal - reporting to the family on every ‘misdemeanour’?

Morning all, thinking of @freshcarnations and poor @NewYearNewMinty (and DD) today - hope there's a nice fresh pot of coffee on for both of you!

I'm a civil servant (as well as the writing job) and IRL if someone had a, shall we say, unfortunate incident on one of the interview room chairs we'd have a specialist cleaner in who deals with bio hazardous waste disposal. That is (IMO) the only responsible way to deal with it - for someone with the right tools and equipment, who can dispose of it professionally.
Makes me laugh when the private care agencies ring and I tell them that hazardous waste may be involved at some point. They're horrified. (Not unreasonably! I'd not like to go to work expecting to get someone out of bed and help them with meds, and find myself cleaning up blood and faeces.)
It's not reasonable to expect a private carer to come in and shovel sh*t, clearly, but it's all right for me to do it for nothing?

@Warmhandscoldheart sorry to hear about your sibling. I hope your DM has a nice day - if nothing else, it will be a nice day out for her I guess? Hope you can do something nice for yourself today as well though.

Morning all, I'm a newbie to this thread.
Bit of background - DF died last year leaving DM, I'm the youngest child(in my 50's) and live closet. Most of the care and life admin has fallen on my shoulders, I don't particularly mind as I don't work and love my Mum.
Today I want to scream, my DM has just rung asking me if I can go and give her a shower as my sibling is coming to take her out for the day.
I'm NC with this sibling as they've caused so many problems within the family over the years.
I want to reply 'Let them help you' 'Let them understand how much I do for you' Let them step out of their comfort zone to deal with your needs'
But I don't, I put on a cheerful face and go and do it because I love my Mum more than I hate my sibling.
Rant over, thank you