Cockroach cafe 🪳 Spring 2022 🪳

You're alright Mere

Home now...the adventure seems to have given her a bit of spirit and she's calmed down a lot. Seems to be managing a bit better with the stick.

She loathes and fears hospitals even if she has company so is usually beyond foul when she has to go to one. I always forget how bad it is. I usually manage to get the first nurse to triage us to give her some diazepam straight off the bat .

I realise that Minty but it's the same scenario as helicopter mums continually rescuing kids, they never need to deal with any consequences.

Commode liners are a thing, they absorb the liquid and then you bin them. Yes they are worse for the environment than tipping it down the loo and washing it but it might allow your mum to have a bit of control by being able to DIY.

The commode sat unused in MIL's dining room, she preferred to fail to get to the toilet and then deal with the extra laundry. Next time she'd get there fast enough, next time.

@Knotaknitter I agree in theory but by not intervening it just makes more aggro for me in the long run.

Just waiting for the physios to wheel her round...she's being despatched with walking stick, frame and commode which will hopefully all fit in the back of the car!

She has a shopping delivery coming between pm and 5pm which she'll need help with. The physios have seen her up and down a flight of stairs so will see how she's doing after the deliveryand if I can get home.

Didn't really sleep as knew I'd likely be called.

So that's car accident, contact from test and trace (am testing daily and masked up), mum to A & E and DD's 4 month old laptop needing to go in for repairs...all in the space of 6 days.

FMAL.

Well Minty, next time she can do just as she wants, exactly as she did this time. Look where that got her. Put your teen parenting hat on, actions have consequences and if you are old enough to make the choice then you are old enough to manage what follows from it. It was her choice to spend the day up a ladder decorating. It must have been a shock to her to find that she's not forty any more, she's going to have to learn to pace herself.

She really has no-one else to blame for this but it will be your fault because you rang for the ambulance. Next time, let her make the call, she's allowed to make stupid decisions (as are we all) but she gets to deal with the fall out. If she doesn't need your help then she doesn't need to call you.

My mother would not stand being told what to do, my line was always "You do what you want love but I'd suggest packing a hospital bag and leaving it next to the front door so it's easy when someone has to call an ambulance"

Bloody hell Minty

Can you switch your phone off? Let the professionals deal with it. You need a break.

Oh @Minty - I am speechless. The selfishness of her! Please concentrate on you and your daughter for the rest of the day.

[quote VeryMuchFlaggingMinty]@ssd how the hell did you cope?

I just don't know how I can do another round if mum gets less physically able as well[/quote]
I dont know, tbh. I really dont.

Have already had two missed calls and 4 abusive messages accusing me of smiling as she was loaded into the ambulance, saying she'll leave if she's not seen in the next half hour and come home by taxi and that next time she'll do what she wants...

Just got comfy...practitioner phoned.

About to doze off an hour or so later...GP phoned.

Ambulance turned up at 4.25 and has just left. I wasn't allowed to go with her to A & E because of Covid which went down like a cup of cold sick.

She insisted I pack a photo of L as well as her mobile phone, tablet and charger (she'll no doubt be messaging him).

I'm going home for a bath and sleep before I know doubt get a call to pick her up.

@ssd how the hell did you cope?

I just don't know how I can do another round if mum gets less physically able as well

Im glad this section is still going strong and helping others. I started it about 12 years ago when i was alone in helping my mum.
Its hard going.

Oh obviously she ignored what I told her about only painting what she could reach and has bee up and down a ladder half the bloody day 🙄

Well here we go again...

Spoke yo mum this morning. She was planning to do some painting in the sitting room. Told her to just to do the lower part of the wall she could reach and I would do the top bit tomorrow or Monday.

Call at teatime...her knee has been excruciatingly painful and she can't weight bear but doesn't recall actually injuring it.

Message at 10.20pm to say it's taken her 2.5 hours to get dinner and go to the loo. Call her and
she insists she doesn't need me to go round and absolutely doesn't want to call 999 (even though she said in message she nearly prsswe her emergency button). Told her to call me when safely in bed.

45 minutes later another call - she's got as far as the kitchen and 'can't move'.

I've come round, managed to help her upstairs, but with her continence issues she needs the loo several times a night. She keeps a container next to her bed but is never going to manage that...doesn't have any pads suitable.

She was screaming in pain trying to swing her legs into bed so I put my foot down and dialled 999.

Waiting on possible call from practitioner and ambulance 'within 3 hours'...just as well I had a nap earlier!

@NewYearNewMinty what you're feeling is the trauma coming out after a dreadful shock. It will ease with time but you can't hurry it along. In the meantime, try and be as gentle with yourself as you can (and your DM will allow), easy to say I know. I can remember my accident like it was yesterday, I can still see people's faces and 'hear' the impact. I'm hoping you have a restful day in the comfort of your dad's rugby shirt. Best of luck with your application Xx

@MereDintofPandiculation it's interesting that your dad thanks you properly at the end of every visit so at least you know he appreciates you. My DM wouldn't dare be like this to my golden sister or her nephew whom she speaks to on the phone, just me. Familiarity certainly breeds contempt!

It's weird...I was almost completely calm when the accident happened and immediately after and have felt a bit worse everyday since.

I have a day at home today though...few chores, baking, going to look at a couple of online courses and work on application for an amazing job I've seen, then chill out with my new book.

Think I might be able to convince DD to cook again tonight as we're having another one of her recipes. She seems to be feeling brighter too.

And the reason I actually came on to post...I brought two of dad's old rugby shirts home from mums the other week. One to be made into a cushion (I've currently wrapped/tied it around one and added a few drops of his aftershave which is comforting)...and this morning, just out of curiosity, I tried on the other one and it just fits . It's a bit like have hug after a shitty week.

@VeryMuchFlaggingMinty I have also wondered if our mums are related, there are just too many similarities, well except for the neatness. I found after my car accident that I felt quite rubbish for a while too, it's a terrible shock. Hoping your afternoon relaxing plus getting the water fixed has made you feel a bit better.

@Fantasea I'm starting to wonder if our mums are related...my nan was one of 16 and grandad one of 11 so it's entirely possible they're distant cousins!

That said, my mum is an absolute neat freak.

We got the water sorted...she'd been faffing with the valves on the outlet pipes .

Also had another lengthy chat and parted on better terms...fingers crossed it lasts.

Felt decidedly ropey this afternoon so have been snoozy on the sofa and eating crap with Disney Channel on in the background.

@VeryMuchFlaggingMinty hoping you're both home and resting well, the lack of empathy from your mum is shocking Xx. I'm hoping you've got the hot water sorted out, these things always happen at the least convenient times. My DM is nearly 90 and is also fighting (also literally, that did make me laugh) fit.

@kennelmaid another one agreeing with all the others.

My DM's lack of basic manners, just with me I should add, is getting worse. She rarely says please or thank you and every 'request' is 'I NEED' or 'WE can go to ...' she never asks like a normal person yet doesn't treat people on the phone, the postman or anyone else like this. She couldn't get a pie she wanted in Tesco on Wednesday so yesterday when I saw her, I asked if she would like one on my Sunday delivery. 'No, don't bother' was her response. Often if she does want an item midweek she'll say 'I'll have that on Sunday' (on my delivery), but never asks nicely. She wouldn't speak to anyone else like this, well only DD, and it is getting me down. I need to pick my battles, she won't change or respect me if I speak to her about it, but it does upset me.

I did want to laugh today though, she told me she needs to prioritise finishing a knitted item for a birthday which is coming up so 'hasn't got time to do any cleaning'. Apparently, the toilet and washbasin need cleaning but will 'have to wait', I mean how dirty are they? That's a 10 minute job for me! She never does any housework (a habit of a lifetime), everywhere is filthy and I don't have any idea about the state of the bathroom myself as the last time I went in there was before Christmas, I avoid it unless a dire emergency.

I’m a long term lurker, and can’t contribute much, but I’m a whizz at ancestry! So if you do get stuck knot, just shout.

Thank you @Knotaknitter and @exexpat