Cockroach cafe 🪳 Spring 2022 🪳

FIL has provided today's panic. SIL phones every morning to check they are OK. This morning all she got was he is in so much pain but nothing sensible like where hurts. She is committed to looking after her nephew (both parents in hospital) and she and BIL share a car so he couldn't go either. Other BIL is working about 5 hours away. So DH phoned FIL and finds out it's chest pain but he was refusing to call 999, 111 or his GP. Eventually DH persuades him to call 111 who send an ambulance which arrived quickly on blues and twos. It's indigestion! And this isn't the first time either. But he doesn't see why he should have some gaviscon handy. DH made a point of telling him that this weekend no-one could go round to look after MIL as he doesn't have enough diesel to get there and all the garages round our way are empty. Maybe it will sink in but I doubt it.

Hmm. Frames are quite awkward, especially outside (my mother uses one). How would the physio feel about a 4 wheeled walker?

Totally with you about not being able to cope with a person using you as a frame though. Maybe stop going out with her and just visit for a chat?

Just here to vent - I've been here venting previously, but had a PC crash and have had to get a new Mumsnet account, hence my name change.

My mother could try the patience of a saint. She lives with my sister, who seems to manage to detach better than me. Before Christmas we organised DM to be seen by OT and Physio. Physio told DM her walking stick was making her walk with her weight thrown to one side causing the back pain she keeps complaining about, and that she should use a walking frame instead. She gave her a walking frame which my mother steadfastly refuses to use - she says it's too heavy. It's so light weight I can pick it up with one finger and my mother is capable of carrying round a large tote bag full of her bits and pieces that is far heavier than the frame.

When we go out she wants to hold my arm because her walking stick doesn't give her enough balance. I'm now getting pain in my arm which lasts for several days, right in the place where her weight rests on it. I asked her yesterday if she could walk without holding my arm because I was getting so much pain. I said it quite calmly but she accused me of getting excited and upset. She must have been projecting her feelings on to me because she was the one getting excited and upset and she ended up hobbling/tripping along the road crying. So, much to my disappointment and annoyance with myself, I gave in. If only she'd use that bloody walking frame she'd be able to balance properly and my arm wouldn't be throbbing.

Thanks

She's home and considering what she's been through seems ok

Age UK have a really good range of reasonably priced pads, pants and bed protectors

Also, puppy pee pads are great for the bed and I also put them on the floor to protect the carpet when mum was really bad.

Mums coming home

Shes retaining urine now so has had a USS and has to have another tomorrow

If you have a home bargains or similar near they do similar ones for much cheaper. Be aware that she needs to change them regularly to avoid UTI. Sometimes the always ones are scented which causes the sore problems for some

Thanks @VeryMuchFlaggingMinty
The always and Tena make her sore apparently so I've ordered some from amazon...I'll see how she goes

Mum uses the the Always ones...they're a bit cheaper I think and do the job.

Both currently on offer in Tesco if that's any help.

Looks like mum is being discharged tomorrow (just like last year...)

At least they have booked her colonoscopy/follow up for 6 weeks time

I'll need to go and sort the flat out, get her some food basics in etc tomorrow morning

She's asked for pads to help with accidents...what do you suggest? Tena? She needs something padded ideally

Have finally got mum to a U3A meeting this afternoon...she was so nervous. Ot was like dropping a toddler off for their first day at nursery!

Ugh!

Just had a convo with care office who are basically saying if mum won't change her hours (even though I've explained I have a commitment and it's not convenient to change them), then she will 'lose L'.

I've called and complained to a service manager at their head office.

Regardless of my personal feelings about L, he's been behaving professionally for several months now and in any case I don't think they should be basically threatening/blackmailing a longstanding paying client.

Woman I spoke to at head office was lovely but I really don't enjoy having to throw my toys out of my pram.

My brother is the typical golden child. Youngest and only boy.

My sister is a very unhappy/moody person and always has been. Has made some very poor life choices.

My teen years were made miserable by both of them :(

I'm backing RIGHT off. I'm not prepared to make believe we are close anymore. They don't give a shit about me or my family.

Time to reciprocate.

[quote countrygirl99]@ChiswickFlo you do that and maybe a nice coffee and cake too.
Conversation with DB1 this morning about a more mundane issue and I am becoming more and more convinced he must have had surgery to remove his empathy and imagination. As soon as there is the slightest problem he hits the "stop, too hard" button when often the obvious solution is to ask me or DB2 if we can help out but he keeps not telling us there is an issue until we ask about something.[/quote]
Oh, yes.
Sounds very familiar!

@ChiswickFlo you do that and maybe a nice coffee and cake too.
Conversation with DB1 this morning about a more mundane issue and I am becoming more and more convinced he must have had surgery to remove his empathy and imagination. As soon as there is the slightest problem he hits the "stop, too hard" button when often the obvious solution is to ask me or DB2 if we can help out but he keeps not telling us there is an issue until we ask about something.

You're going for a feminist walk?!

I had an altercation with a cocky bloke in his thirties at the tip this morning and rounded on him with 'why make a point of it then, would you have done that if I was bloke'.

He had no response beyond stopping off muttering expletives under his breath.

Do not mess with a menopausal feminist!

Oh..where did that emoticon come from!?
🤔

I'm going to actually clean my house on Saturday!
And maybe go for a walk 🚶‍♀️

Absolutely!
Cheeky fuckers

@ChiswickFlo I'm glad you've got a response and your siblings appear to be stepping up, however ungraciously. Enjoy your weekend.

@countrygirl99 well done on the wedding result!

@Lightuptheroom I'm so sorry you and your dad are having to deal with this. It's horrible when one parent is unkind to the other even if there's a reason for it. I hope the GP/social services are helpful and you get it sorted soon.

DD and I went to London for a uni open day yesterday. By the time we got home I had missed calls on my mobile and home phone, 2 voicemails and an email from L's agency.

Due to another client no longer needing their services, they want to change the times of his visits so they can cram in a new client. They implied in the email that L was wanting to make his hours up.

Mum spoke to him directly and he hasn't requested anything of the sort and is quite happy to have a few less hours per week so the pressure is all coming from the agency.

The new hours don't suit us as it's too early a start for a mum. We've been quite flexible before when they've asked us to change to accommodate other clients, and of course in an emergency but AIBU to think they're taking the piss a bit?

They always seem to try and change mum's schedule for other people and as well as the inconvenience it's distressing for her to have changes to her routine.

I'm minded to email them back and simply say it's not convenient.

That's fair enough isn't it?

Oh no, absolutely no relationship to lose at all!

I have recieved a reply from my sister...

"X and I have spoken and will do as you ask"

That's it.

So, I'll pick mum up tomorrow after she's discharged and then from Saturday I'm "off" til monday :)