Cockroach cafe 🪳 Spring 2022 🪳

14 weeks not 2 basically

The nurse was very apologetic but the backlog is horrific

The colonoscopy nhs appointment IS a fast track appointment!!

Before paying privately, contact her gp and tell them she needs a 'fast track' referral, hospital and gp did this with my dad (even though he's since cancelled twice which is another story) and he isn't in pain, hadn't had a hospital admission, just the indicators of something serious were there.

We've been told her colonoscopy won't be done until the autumn at the earliest so I'm going to suggest she pays privately for an endoscopy and colonoscopy...

She says she's feeling better today.
It was awful. She was in so much pain. She kept saying "I can't go on" and that she thinks there is something "serious" going on.
I've got a hospital appointment on Tuesday some distance away and text my sister to ask if she or my brother could check in mum....no reply.
It's my wedding anniversary today so hopefully dh and I will go out somewhere.
We've cancelled the trip in 2 weeks - she's not well enough to travel.
My main concern is that they don't know what's wrong so she could have another episode next week or next month?

Thanks.
No.
Scan came back OK. They were happy her bp came down.
All a bit mysterious

@ChiswickFlo you poor thing...and your mum.

Did they get to the bottom of what the problem is so you at least know what you're dealing with?

Back in a&e with mum yesterday.
She became very ill at 11am. Drs refused an appointment. Emergency ambulance took 1.5 hours.
Mum blue lighted to resus. Scans etc.
Some poor woman actually dropped dead in the triage area. It was awful.
Mum should be in hospital for observation but no beds so sent home.
The nhs in 2022 folks.

Glad you got it sorted hairbrush.

Mercifully my mum is pretty much obsessed with money/finances. She started her career as a secretary at a well known bank, followed by Chamber of Commerce and then a couple of PA to Financial Director gigs

At the beginning of last year we sat down and I have a spreadsheet of all her accounts, passwords etc.

She also can't abide clutter so on a practical note I'm very fortunate, just wish she was a bit easier to deal with emotionally.

She was checking Google maps last night to see where my holiday cottage is and making ominous noises about the fact that if I'm taken ill it's 'terribly remote'.

In fact it's 30 minutes from the nearest A & E...not dissimilar to home at rush hour.

The thing I absolutely love about the place is that once you're there, it appears that you're in the arse end of nowhere, but it's actually about 10 minutes drive from the nearest village!

I had a super stressful time yesterday - still trying to sort out mum's finances and logged into her account. I discovered that she has been receiving Attendance Allowance along with her pension. I was sure I had cancelled it but it was still being paid. I phoned the helpline. After queuing for 30 mins I could not get passed security and the person I spoke couldn't help and couldn't tell me what I had got wrong. So another 30 minutes on hold, convinced that they were going to come after me for fraud, fines etc and I got through to someone else who didn't ask me any security questions - just mum NI number and what my relationship was. I explained that the money had been over paid and it turns out that there is a note on the file saying that I called in August to cancel it. So not my fault at all. Still a faff to have repay the money but I am guilt free!

I remember (think it was late last year) at a church service that Princess Anne told the Queen that she was supposed to be using her walking stick!

I’m a bit in shock about it tbh. A photo of DS’s prom came up on Facebook memories and there are DM and DF either side of him looking fit and well and upright, not a walking stick between them.DM is wearing jeans and a stripy T-shirt and looks so young - late 60s at most. It’s 8 years ago so she would have been 76. I can’t believe the difference in her. They were so fit and active and now DF is no longer here and she can barely walk. Dementia is so cruel.

My 89 year old nan in law only needed a stick and she used it if she had to, but whenever we took her shopping she's immediately commandeer the trolley so she didn't have to 😁.

She was an absolute sweetheart though, even though she was a feisty old bird as well. Still miss her.

BestIsWest I suspect the reason why my mum won't use the walker is because she thinks it makes her look old. She's got one of those pretty flowery sticks which I think is not actually the right height for her. I tried to get her to use a different stick, one of those grey metal ones, which is a better length but she says it's too heavy for her.

DM is exactly the same. She has a walker but flatly refuses to use it, relying on a stick. I took her to the optician yesterday and she can barely walk 100 yards. Her balance is terrible. But the Walker makes her feel old!

A couple of times I’ve taken her to shops and borrowed a wheelchair and she’s been quite happy to go round the shop in the chair. Much more pleasant for both of us. But when I’ve suggested buying a lightweight one - oh nooo.

I was thinking about the Queen & her apparent reluctance to use a wheelchair. Maybe her children are as frustrated as we are, lol.

That's very familiar MissMarplesNiece, though it's my dad who is supposed to use 2 sticks or a walker yet decides to use neither, then tells me isn't it lucky, he fell against the door to the wet room and knocked it off its rail (sliding door) then a week later fell again and knocked it back on again!!! Don't be guilted into visiting, she's fine so do it when you want to X

My DM has fallen over everyday for the last 3 days. I don't know if she's fallen out of bed or fallen when she's got up out of bed - she doesn't always tell the exact truth, depending on what she thinks my DSis are going to say. For example when she said she'd fallen out of bed I was talking about some kind of bed rail, which she doesn't like the idea of, so she quickly changed it to "I fell when I was out of bed and was going to walk to the bathroom".

She is already under the care of the falls team, but doesn't do what they suggest. They told her that using a walking stick wasn't giving her support and they gave her a zimmer and a wheeled walker and she refuses to use either.

DSis has called the Falls Team today to update them. I don't know what else to do. DMs been on the phone asking me why I haven't gone round if I know she's fallen, but she hasn't hurt herself, & my brother in law and nephew & niece are all in the house (she lives with Dsis). She says it's not the same as me being there.

I now feel upset & guilty about not going round straight away (I'm going this afternoon) and feel I need to spend time in the bad girls room.

@Rattysparklebum A sudden change can be something else entirely - most usual cause being a urinary tract infection. Don't be afraid to bring in the experts on this, mum was very anti-social services but I wish they'd been on the scene years earlier rather than at the last minute. It takes long enough to get care in place these days, all the more reason to start early.

Here's hoping that you find that new normal quickly and painlessly.

@MintyCedricRidesAgain Even your holiday gets to be all about her - how many days do you think it will be when you are away before she has a crisis, one she can guilt trip you for when you get back.Just as well that the phone is so unreliable where you are going, you can't be called back.

Your DM sounds quite a character!

Ummm...that's one way of putting it!

Thanks @MintyCedricRidesAgain! I am hoping things will settle down into a new normal, I do have other family near by and we are all pulling together but, we all have responsibilities, work, young children, own health issues etc so it is hard for all of us.

Your DM sounds quite a character!

Oh good lord @Rattysparklebum that sounds challenging...is there any other family that can help out? It's a lot to take on when you're also working full time, although I fully appreciate there aren't always other options ☹.

Mum asked today if I'd paid the balance for my holiday, which I have, just this morning. She is not amused by my going or by the fact that DD's Godmother is going to stay with her for the week 'when she has a grandmother she would stay with ...I suppose I'll have to fall out with both of you then...'

FFS!