Cockroach cafe 🪳 Spring 2022 🪳

So..it's dad's first anniversary on Monday.

It was only ever going to be all about mum as that's just how we roll here 🙄, but spoke to her last night and there's some kind of new drama with L apparently.. perfect timing.

I'm seeing her later and will be going round Sunday and staying over...and I don't want to get into a slanging match but I really don't have the bandwidth for any of this right now.

Any tips for how I can deal with it/her?

Will re-read grey rock techniques and take some art stuff round to distract me while she witters, but I'm worried I'm going to lose my shit with her again.

I'd normally say it's not something I'm comfortable with and to call one of her mates but they're both on holiday atm. Her cousin is coming for the day tomorrow...poor bloke!

Blimey...
Narcs only apologise if they think they will gain from it though...hmmm....
Glad for your dh though

Amazed this morning FIL phoned DH and apologised! Usually when he is sulking we don't hear from him until he wants something. DH has told him he needs to apologise to everyone.

How awful @countrygirl99
Your fil sounds utterly vile
Good that SS and your flying monkey sil have seen him at his worst though?
Your poor mil. Thank goodness she has you and your dh!
Mum says she feels better but...she's not really eating much. Not wanting to go out.
I dunno.
Somethings up.
I've ordered her a digital scale to keep track of her weight (loss).
She's also requested a walking stick! forgets I bought her 3 of the bloody things and she refused to use them!

Oh @countrygirl99 - your poor DH and MIL. Thank goodness she has him to look out for her.

SS are going to send DH a list of suitable nursing homes for him to view. Then he will take his mum to see a couple. FIL is furious that the council won't pay for 1 to 1 care at home but it appears that isn't what MIL wants anyway. He is insisting that she should only go to 1 particular home which

1. isn't suitable for her needs, it's more like a long term 4 star hotel for people who want assisted living but don't actually need to be in a home at least at first.
2. is one of the most expensive homes in their county and doesn't take people at LA rates. Top up rates would not be covered by DHs take home pay in it's entirety but we are barstards for not paying up. DH was expecting his mum to be distressed but she was calm and holding out her hand to DH to comfort him while making it clear she was cross with FIL. He won't tell her he has cancer but it's clear she understands his health isn't good. MILs sister walked out at one stage when he was really horrible to her. DH phoned her in the evening and she said she had a good cry when she got home and was on her 3rd G&T. He had used her as a flying monkey in the past but finally realises how manipulative and controlling he is.

@ChiswickFlo www.nemobility.co.uk/Mobility%20Scooter%20Hire%20and%20Wheelchair%20Hire%20Lease.aspx

@countrygirl99 that sounds ghastly. I hope you manage to at least sort out some of the practicalities.

Poor DH has had a rough ride with FIL this afternoon. Meeting with Social Services, a number of family members and ILs to discuss the long-term plans for MIL given FILs stage 4 cancer. FIL was vile to everyone, especially DH. Lots of effing and shouting in DHs face. We are all barstards who don't give a damn and never do anything for them apparently.

We won't have space sadly

Depending on how much luggage space you have you could hire one from the Red Cross before you go - I think it is around £20 a week. Otherwise it costs about £ 10 a day .

Thank you.
Se have a UK break booked for July and we are hoping she can come on that.
Just need to hire a wheelchair from somewhere! If anyone knows of wheelchair hire in or around alnwick please let me know!

That's such a worry. Headaches scare me more than anything I think. It's such a shame that you have had to cancel your holiday. I hope she will be well enough for you to go away together before too long.

Dr has phoned mum and prescribed some codeine phosphate
He also told her that the hospital have told him that if she has another severe headache she must call an ambulance 🤷‍♀️
I just need to find out what these blood tests are for next week...

I can't see her tomorrow asim at hospital myself and can't drive afterwards.
So I got her some antihistamines and hopefully they'll help...

Oddly enough shes very itchy today

No idea...she's pre diabetic apparently but not sure why they keep repeating the others
She's having it re done again next week so I'll ask the nurse

Chiswickflo, are they using the blood tests to check liver and kidney function?

@Knotaknitter
Sending love x

@MereDintofPandiculation I hope you manage to get the time you need. Good that your DS is stepping up.

I also need to beef up my friendship network and I don't think it's calculating at all. Its been a weird couple of years and I think lots of us are probably feeling like our social life needs a jump start.

@Knotaknitter best wishes and hope you're feeling better soon.

I am really struggling with the run up to dad's anniversary too so thinking of stepping away from t'internet completely this week, but also worried it'll make me feel more isolated.

Take care of yourself x

My best wishes to all of you going through the wringer at the moment.

I'm having to step away for a bit, it was a year ago that I found mum outside in a traditional crime scene pose laying in a pool of blood. It was the fall that changed everything, that was the beginning of her last chapter and it was all so hard. I didn't expect that it would affect me this much now but it has done and I need to not be here for a while.

Thank you.
I'm just about to do the school run and then go and see mum.
I'm going to try and convince her to pay privately for the tests.
I'm still no clearer on why she is having repeated blood tests tbh and she's not sure either.

MereDint that’s a hard situation, I’m sorry to hear it and I’m thinking of you. I trust you have good RL support that will help you through things. Your DF is well taken care of as you focus on DH and yourself.

Glad your DM has a care place Piste, you too Hairbrush and glad you’re having some lovely visits. I found that even though my DM has minimised belongings in her house over the years, there’s still stuff I look at and think it would be nice for her to have in her care home but although I think her room’s a good size, there’s only room for a very few things from home. I look at what’s left and feel inertia come over me.

Fairy, I stopped saying too much about what I do years back because of the ‘that’s nice for you’ comments, and when I said there was absolutely no reason DM couldn’t go off and do things (she had her mobility and all her faculties then) she would say of course she couldn’t, I had no idea. We’ve never found out why she couldn’t. Re the PoA I got more (certified) copies from the solicitor who drew DM’s up.

I am not a great poster at the moment Minty, just keeping up with work and so forth. It all sounds very tiring for you, things need not to just be endless don’t they. I still have Vietnam-style flashbacks to the careline phone calls.

Here’s to no phone reception exexpat.

MissMarple you have your own life to take care of too. I had fantasies of somehow averting DM’s falls at home by being alert or responding quickly but then realised you can’t stop them like a human safety net, when DM had a significant fall which precipitated her current frailty, she was literally inches away from me. That made me chuckle about the Queen though, I expect Anne and Camilla will be popping on here any time now.

Agh Flo that is tough, like you say the NHS is not what we’ve got used to. I’m happy to pay more tax or state insurance for a good service.

Cockroaches: built to survive the apocalypse🪳

12 minutes baby!

We went to London yesterday afternoon...didn't divulge that to mum and mercifully got away with it.

Another trip to the smoke on Friday but her cousin is coming to visit so that makes life easier.

It's dad's anniversary a week tomorrow...I'm absolutely dreading it.

@ChiswickFlo I hope you manage to have a lovely day today and that you manage to convince your mum to go private. Sorry about your break being cancelled.