Cockroach cafe 🪳 Spring 2022 🪳

That sounds exhausting. You must look after yourself! I made myself ill trying to help, when DF became ill.

Sad though it is, you have the rest of your life that you need to be well for. You can't burn yourself out over these few years.

Can you speak to the nursing home and ask them not to allow her place to be cancelled without discussing it with you/your brother first?

You are absolutely right! But I was absolutely shocked he'd (I thought) rang the home and cancelled her room.. He hadn't yet.. Took me calling 27 homes to find one that would take her as an emergency.. My DB and myself are spending hours on the phone to SS, old home, Dr's etcetc... He asks us to help then undermines us... I'm shattered.. In April I had holiday which luckily coincided with me and my parents getting covid..(I live 250 miles away and tested +ve the morning after I got there) My Dad ended up in hospital and I cared for my Mum.. She nearly broke me.. Up all night, falling, trying to leave the house.. (even though when I explained that we didn't want to give neighbours covid.. She agreed till 10mins later trying to leave the house.. Over and over...) One DB was very poorly with covid and another DB is cv so 10 days with her broke me.. I'm rambling now.. It's been going on for 2 years now.. My Dad has always been difficult and I've often been the brunt of it... I'm going tomorrow for a week.. Seeing Mum... Taking Dad.. But she doesn't recognise him and he's distraught... It's so sad..

@Marylou62 that's tough!

My dad broke the hospice's impressive 'no falls' streak! They were most perturbed. He was an ornery minded chap who was determined to get to the loo on his own.
How long has she been in the care home? It's a big adjustment for your dad. Can I suggest, rather than contradicting him when he's wrong, you just listen and ask questions? He may well then come to the sensible conclusion himself without getting angry with you.
"Oh dear! I wonder how she did it? How can they stop her falling, I wonder? Would somewhere else be able to stop her getting up? Where else could she go, where they'd stop her falling?"
Along with a few observations about "At least she was seen quickly! I'm glad the staff were able to sort her out/knew what to do/ etc"

Knot.. Thank you for your kind words... It's awful isn't it..

@Marylou62 I'm really sorry for what you are going through. Both MIL and mum have fallen out of bed in their care homes, both fell out of bed in their own homes. It's a fine line between keeping them safe and them having some freedom, if the staff keep the bed rail up all the time then the sleeper can't get out if they want to. Your dad is upset and taking it out on you and with your mum it's the dementia talking. Hopefully in a couple of days your dad will have calmed down, your mum will have already have forgotten about the fall and the strange woman she saw her husband with.

I get on better with MIL now she doesn't know who I am, she always did put her best face on for people she was trying to impress. She didn't think she needed to make any effort with family.

Can I just say I'm so so sorry for all of you going through this.. I sort of knew I needed to talk about it but just didn't know where to start... My DH is brilliant for looking after me... X

Just took mum food shopping.
She managed ok but we were in and out in less than 10 mins.
She's still not wanting to eat though.

Oh, I'm so sorry.
How awful for you.
Time to take care of yourself now...your mum will be looked after at hospital and your dad obviously needs time to come to terms with what's happened (that doesn't mean its OK for him to slam the phone down on you though)
Try and get some rest x

I'm writing this in tears whilst trying to control my very wobbly bottom lip... I didn't even know that you were all here... I can't even say that I'm the bad daughter as my Mum doesn't know me now and has verbally attacked me because when I hugged my dad she thought I was his girlfriend.. I. I'm devastated.. She broke her hip yesterday... Just had words with my Dad as he doesn't want her to go back to the care home as 'they're not looking after her if she can fall out of bed'.. I said it could have happened anywhere (she was admitted to the said home because of falls and my Dad who is terminal with cancer couldn't pick her up.. She also tried to take her own life but that's another sad thing that is happening to my brilliant kind beautiful Mother) he argued with me until I said that they couldn't exactly tie her down in the bed could they?. He put the phone down on me. That's enough for a first post.. Thank you for listening..

Hello, @thesandwich! I was trying to remember your sandwich based name!

Hello all, just checking in- have finished chemo so a bit of respite before radiotherapy starts. All quiet with dm thankfully
lovely to see you @picklemewalnuts but sorry you have to rejoin us , congratulations on the job @MintyCedricRidesAgain , And on probate @Knotaknitter and sending much sympathy to those deep in the trenches at the moment.
so sorry you had to cancel your trip @ChiswickFlo hope you are able to get away with dm.
@countrygirl99 hope you get some answers and progress.
@MereDintofPandiculation thinking of you.

@Knotaknitter Fantastic new
@Lightuptheroom When our DDog was gravely ill, far away, DC sent me a £25 USB camera with two way sound. When the camera was positioned in front of DDog bed they could watch him and chat to him reassuringly through the night. (They could also call the landline to get me out of bed at 03.00 am if he rolled out and couldn't get back. 🤔) However their voices 'boomed' into the room when they spoke to him until I managed to turn the settings down. I think it would be worth a try as the sound was very loud. It does need your DM to have WiFi though and to agree to the camera.

Any idea how to communicate with a very deaf 85 year old who won't/can't talk on the phone? I need to have a discussion with dad about possibly going to a day centre, but can't do it through mum as everything which is paying any attention to him is provoking huge rages ....
I can't visit until at least next week and even then it's impossible to get him to listen ..

@Knotaknitter isn't it just!

Glad to hear that @Knotaknitter
I still have nightmares about the hmrc forms I had to fill in after dad died...
Been to see mum...she's struggling to eat and I'm going to ask the Dr for a gastro referral if her white count is still high. There's obviously an infection somewhere...
My horrible aunt is coming to see her next week 😬 so I may get the day off that day 😅

@MintyCedricRidesAgain I'm really pleased for you. Please read the boring bit in the new starter pack about their pension scheme, future Minty will thank you for it.

My news of the day, I've had the email to say that probate has been granted (ten weeks with a paper application for those going along the same path at the monent). I can now stop having the nightmares where I've filled the forms in wrong and given the wrong contact details so they never get back to me.

@countrygirl99 When you are a doer living with a procrastinator it is really difficult not to say what you're thinking.

Hello !

I've been here before but it was a while ago (might have been called Picklemepopcorn back then). There was drama on and off, but once we lost dad it was more of a 'Stately Homes' type situation than a cockroach cafe!

However, I can see we're ramping up for more general elderly issues, so thought I'd start hanging out with you guys again!

Mum is settled in her bungalow, with a Hive so I can manage her heating and a few Alexa's so she can turn lights on by shouting at them. She likes that!

Good x

He made some good progress on a couple of things last night so he finally had a good nights sleep.

Oh, this would INFURIATE me @countrygirl99 !

Give me strength, I'm not sure who I want to strangle most this evening, DH or FIL. DH can faff and prevaricate for England so stuff that he could have sorted any time in the past 4 years is now urgent and needing to be sorted at the same time as sorting the care home. But he is still in don't do today what you can put off until tomorrow mode, finding tenuous excuses and then complaining he can't sleep because he is stressing about stuff he has put off doing. My sympathy is getting strained. The trouble is I manage projects for a living and I'm having to stop myself piling in with a task list with assigned responsibilities and deadlines complete with key dependencies, risk assessments and a governance process. A good few tasks would be flagged red 😁

Thanks all! Have received three emails full of bumpf to complete since posting...

@MintyCedricRidesAgain congrats on the new job

Oh I missed the post about the new job! Congratulations @MintyCedricRidesAgain