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Elderly parents
Original poster

Should I call the police?

38 replies

Triotriotrio · 23/02/2022 16:33

I know I probably should but it's a long story.

My aunt is 84 and has dementia she lived alone in a house owned by family. At the start of COVID an old friend of hers turned up and said he didn't want her living alone and moved in with her. I don't know this person but he owns a shop she used to use. To be honest though, as I live an hour away it was a relief that he was there to keep an eye on her. My aunt loves him. He was living as her lodger but not paying rent or anything. My aunt always said they paid half the food etc but I have no way of knowing the truth. He has had her bank card for years (as he owed her £10k apparently and was paying it back into the bank each week-or so she said).

He moved out over Christmas but has been going to see her and take her food etc. Anyway this made her extremely depressed culminating in an overdose in January, when finally, after 2 years of me fighting for social services support, they decided she didn't have capacity and have put her in 24 care.

Whilst she was in hospital the LPA for finances finally came through and I've checked her bank account. Over £2k was withdrawn in cash in December alone and another £250 whilst she has been in hospital. Ex lodger said that he had to pay some bills for her which he has done but as far as I can tell they equate to less than £500. No sign of the other cash. I cancelled the card and moved the money to an ISA.

Today I found a bank statement for another account which had £130 withdrawn from it on 31st January, the last lot of cash withdrawn from the other account was £100 on 25th January. She was in hospital from 11th January. He has never told me he had this card or even that it existed.

Even more suspiciously, in Oct there was a 1p transaction from this card to the ex lodgers shop. Almost like checking the card was valid.

I don't know what to do. This man goes to see her all the time and my aunt loves him, if I go to the police then that will end. Also the ex lodger clearly believes that she owns the house herself, which I'm wondering might be a motive for this.

He no longer has access to anything but I should call the police shouldn't I?

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 23/02/2022 17:10

That’s completely understandable. She obviously cares for him and it would be upsetting for her to lose that.
Would you feel comfortable talking to him about it?

Original poster
Triotriotrio · 23/02/2022 16:50

I have her LPA now... The Office of the Public Guardian lost it originally and so it took over a year to be authorised. she hasn't had capacity in my opinion for ages but because she is very convincing no one believed me until recently.

@hiddenvoice I go to see her once a week and he goes twice. I don't think it's as cut and dried as it seems either. She could very well have told him to take cash but she didn't really know what she was doing. Iver informed the bank and have told the social worker too but I've held off from the police as I don't want to destroy the one relationship that she treasures.

OP posts:
endofagain · 23/02/2022 16:49

We had this with a carer. My relative was immobile and relied on the carer to get shopping etc. Without our knowledge he gave her his PIN. She emptied thousands out of his account. Nothing we could do. We later discovered she had form for this sort of thing. Elderly people are so vulnerable and it is difficult to protect them.

time4anothername · 23/02/2022 16:46

I've had helpful advice from this helpline in the past wearehourglass.org/

bellalou1234 · 23/02/2022 16:45

I would call police and local authority safeguarding. Likely she didn't have capacity when handing over card and pin and he's took advantage of her vulnerability. He may do it again to someone else..

spacehardware · 23/02/2022 16:44

There have been awful cases of men marrying highly confused elderly ladies to rip them off, despite the fact all sorts of red flags should have gone off with the registrar etc

His intentions are clearly avaricious, who has the LPA? You? If so use it to cancel all the cards snd get new ore issues just to you. Tell the bank this man is not family and has no authority to undertake transactions

MajorCarolDanvers · 23/02/2022 16:41

Yes call the police.

Although be aware that fraud investigations can take years and there is unlikely to be any swift outcome.

Hiddenvoice · 23/02/2022 16:41

Meant to add-
If she willingly gave him the card and her pin then there isn’t too much the bank will do as they regularly say they and the police can’t support you if you’ve offered it over.
You’d need to prove that she is not of sound mind or that he’s taken it without her knowledge.

Hiddenvoice · 23/02/2022 16:39

Does he have power of attorney over her? If so then sadly he can use her card but it all sounds a bit dodgy. Did she willingly give him the card? If someone was to owe you money then they wouldn’t be allowed to go into the bank and deposit into an account without the actual person there.
I only know this as I had to do it for a parent and was not allowed.
The bank then cut up the card and phoned my parents to double check- all whilst I was standing there. They are there to protect their customers so he must be using the card online.
He sounds like he was abusing the trust of a vulnerable person.

I’d phone the police to report bank fraud and report a stolen card. I’d contact the bank to try explain the situation.
Contact a lawyer to try get power of attorney sorted so he has no access to any of her money.

HemanOrSheRa · 23/02/2022 16:38

Yes, I would. I'd also making an adult safeguarding referral. If you have LPA you need to cover yourself.

Hellocatshome · 23/02/2022 16:37

I dont think it is as black and white as you think. Would the police be able to prove she didn't authorise him to take the money, probably not. He has no further access to her money and presumably she is not self funding her care? She doesnt own the property so will have very little to leave him in her will if she has written one. He visits her regularly and she enjoys his company. Does she have anyone else that regularly visits her?

Pixiedust1234 · 23/02/2022 16:36

At the very least ask the police for their advice, that way its logged on their system.

MrsGhastlyCrumb · 23/02/2022 16:36

Ring the police. Sorry, but what a horrible man he is. Sad

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