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Elderly parents
Original poster

Anyone got any positive stories of elderly relative improving in a care home?

29 replies

EyesWithAFace · 21/01/2022 12:19

I've got another thread going on about my DM being discharged from hospital for a 4 week assessment of her needs. I feel terrible about it, as we always swore we would never put her in a care home (not that 'we' put her in there, it was decided for us by the NHS/Social Services).
I have no idea what will happen next, although realistically she probably won't be allowed to go back to her flat as it's not safe (she's had a few falls, usually in the night on her way to the toilet). It's also a first floor flat with no outdoor space, so she's quite isolated there.
She's had a rough year or two for various reasons, including lockdown of course, and has been diagonised with depression/low mood. She is very withdrawn and unsociable.

Although I hate the idea of her being in a home, I'm trying to think positively in that maybe it will ultimately be better for her. Maybe she will start integrating with the other residents and even join in some of the activities. She has never been very outgoing/gregarious, but was OK in small groups of friends/relatives.

Has anyone seen a positive change in thier elderly relative, moving from being home alone into a communal environment? Physically and/or mentally? Even if they weren't especially sociable beforehand?

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 22/01/2022 00:11

When my mum left hospital for her first nursing home for a discharge to assess package, I said to her it was a convalescent home, which was true in a way, and was a familiar idea to someone of her generation. It made me feel better too.

My mum has just been too impaired to be at home at all, though a flat with a live in carer isn't impossible at some point. The first and second nursing homes (long story) did not work for her, but she's finally in a place that works for her. She's remarkably chirpy with the staff and I think she likes the care. She was always very solitary but perhaps that was partly because previously she was super capable so being around people meant being made to look after them. I think part of her likes being the looked after one at last.

Knotaknitter · 21/01/2022 14:02

MIL is putting back some of the weight she's lost over the last couple of years, she's not been eating properly for some time and having carers in didn't help because she told them she'd eaten before they came. She's having the medication she should be having and at the right times and she looks years younger. There's a vast chasm between what she says happens and what the staff say happens so I have no idea whether she spends every minute in her room (her view) or is dancing in the lounge. She doesn't have a good word to say about the place or the staff and is thoroughly miserable but she was the same when she was at home. She was miserable and at risk and now she's miserable and safe. There are activities, if she chooses not to do them then that's her choice. She didn't have much of a choice while she was at home.

Mum had shunned people since Dad died but she enjoyed having people to listen to, I had a few visits cut short because she was wanting to be back in the lounge. She enjoyed having people around her. They were able to get a doctor through the door when I couldn't get one on the phone, they tried her with medication for the crippling anxiety she's always denied she had and I wish it was something that she would have tried twenty years ago.

Mum's mobility suffered because she was very active before, up and down the garden, on her feet all day. MIL spent her day in front of the tv, her mobility has improved because she's more active now.

It's like when your children start school, you worry so much about it but there's nothing you can do because it's their life, separate from yours and full of the choices only they can make.

Thecurtainsofdestiny · 21/01/2022 13:43

Yes my auntie improved a lot when she went into a care home. At home she was falling a lot and not remembering to eat properly - which made her more confused and frail. She did have carers but it wasn't enough.

In the home she had good nutrition and took her medicines more reliably. She improved physically and mentally, though of course still had dementia.

MrsWobble3 · 21/01/2022 13:35

Not quite the same situation but my MIL went into a home 18 months ago. My SIL argued against it because she felt MIL would hate it and she wanted her kept at home but MIL’s Alzheimer’s had advanced to such a point it was impossible to keep her safe at home so we had no real choice. We were all surprised how quickly and how well MIL settled in and I can honestly say that she is now the happiest I have ever seen her. She is being looked after by experienced staff and the range of activity and stimulation is way more than we could ever have organised. And visits are just that, not an endless list of house maintenance and other chores. So based on my experience it can be a positive move for all of you.