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Elderly parents
Original poster

Paid carer refusing to meet with family

26 replies

EssexInnit · 09/01/2022 13:01

Hi there

I wonder if anyone can help.

My 84 yo Dad lives with a woman (in her home) who cares for him. He moved in with her in October 2020 after suffering a mini-stroke. He pays her £1000 a month. I've no idea if this is relevant.

They are companions (I've no idea if there's more to it). So as not to drip feed my Mum and Dad split 3 years ago and his companion is their old neighbour.

She has consistently said from the start of this arrangement that she is at her wits end, that she cannot cope and that Dad needs to go into respite care. When I ask her what she wants, she won't tell me.

She is unwilling to engage with me to let me know what is going on with my Dad though and so far I've booked and had to cancel two places in respite homes because it appears she blocks it.

I call my Dad often (he's three hours away by car) and I've been to visit, but because he has early onset dementia I don't feel I can take what he says he wants at face value.

I don't even know at this point if he can stay there any more.

My question is: Does she have a duty of care to work to communicate with us?

My brother and I have full Power of Attorney.

Thanks in advance if anyone has any wisdom.

OP posts:
User2638483 · 09/01/2022 13:08

Is your POA for health and welfare?

Assuming yes…If your dad’s dementia is at a stage where he can’t make a fully informed, weighed up decision for himself about his care arrangements eg. respite, then those decisions lie with you and your brother, not his friend/companion/partner/carer. Although you should take into account her views as she’s a key person in his life (if she won’t share her views with you what can you do?). And your dads own wishes and feelings should be central.

If he still has capacity about respite then he has to consent to go.

I don’t think she is obliged to engage with you if he has capacity into the arrangements… but if his capacity to make decisions is questionable she should not be making any decisions on his behalf.