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Elderly parents
Original poster

Funerals

56 replies

forrestgreen · 01/01/2022 17:57

I'm not sure if my personal thoughts are clouding my judgement.
Re funerals, I don't want one, I think they're a waste of money and I prefer if my nearest and dearest had a lovely meal out, thought fondly of me and chucked the cremated me in a river.

I asked my dm what she wanted, as her mum had planned and paid for her funeral prior to her death. My dm has the funds to pay for one and said I should just organise it after she's gone. I think she'd enjoy looking down at all the work I've gone to, everyone crying etc.

I think if you want a funeral, organise and sort it before rather than leaving it as a chore for when people are grieving?

OP posts:
Original poster
forrestgreen · 01/01/2022 18:49

I organised my dads funeral as his death was a shock.
I hated every second of the planning and of the day.

I guess we are all different. But to me, if you want one you at least let people know what you'd like. Rather than 'I'll leave it up to you'

After a shitty few years of health for me, it made me think about what I want and have told dc.

Dm has a cancer diagnosis hence the discussion, she didn't really contribute to dad's as she was too upset. Her mum's was sorted for her. And yet I get to wing it. And yes I do love her.

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 01/01/2022 18:46

@Kite22

I didn't consider it a chore to arrange either of my parents funerals. It was the last thing we could do for them and, without wanting to sound corny, was more of an honour than a chore. I wouldn't want to have been trying to follow instructions they might have written 10 or 20 years ago - things change.

But then I feel very differently about funerals from you - I think they fulfil an important need for most humans. It is part of a deep need to gather together to say goodbye, and to meet up with others who wish to do the same.
So many people who have been deprived of a 'normal' funeral and wake over he last 20 months have found the 'not being able to spend time with others, to say goodbye' incredibly difficult.

Agree with this. Burying my parents was the last loving thing I could do for them, it certainly wasn’t a chore.
NewYearsEars · 01/01/2022 18:41

@kitcat15 how many have you organised, if admin is not your forte it’s a horrible responsibility at a time when not at one’s best.

ParkheadParadise · 01/01/2022 18:37

Some people don't have the funds to organise a funeral beforehand. That's what life insurance is for.
My daughter was killed at 23 she didn't have time to organise a funeral.

kitcat15 · 01/01/2022 18:35

@forrestgreen

I'm not sure if my personal thoughts are clouding my judgement. Re funerals, I don't want one, I think they're a waste of money and I prefer if my nearest and dearest had a lovely meal out, thought fondly of me and chucked the cremated me in a river.

I asked my dm what she wanted, as her mum had planned and paid for her funeral prior to her death. My dm has the funds to pay for one and said I should just organise it after she's gone. I think she'd enjoy looking down at all the work I've gone to, everyone crying etc.

I think if you want a funeral, organise and sort it before rather than leaving it as a chore for when people are grieving?

A chore?🙄 take it you don't like your DM
Kite22 · 01/01/2022 18:23

I didn't consider it a chore to arrange either of my parents funerals. It was the last thing we could do for them and, without wanting to sound corny, was more of an honour than a chore.
I wouldn't want to have been trying to follow instructions they might have written 10 or 20 years ago - things change.

But then I feel very differently about funerals from you - I think they fulfil an important need for most humans. It is part of a deep need to gather together to say goodbye, and to meet up with others who wish to do the same.
So many people who have been deprived of a 'normal' funeral and wake over he last 20 months have found the 'not being able to spend time with others, to say goodbye' incredibly difficult.